OK, this is probably going to be a longshot but here it goes:
I am an Estate Caretaker by profession for the last 9 years. I am basically a jack-of-all-trades for your private estate(s). The last client I worked for in Montana was on the Fortune 500 list. I have operated heavy equipment, drove a snowplow, fought fires, have security training, have knowledge of plumbing, electrical, carpentry, mechanics and welding. I have done all sorts of landscaping, some forest management, pool care, vitaculture (grapes), veggie gardening, doggie/cat care and pond maintenance. Anything I haven't done I'm eager to learn. I am currently idle in Temecula, Ca and looking to find a position somewhere in live-in position somewhere in the west. So, if you are/or know of any wealthy folks that need someone to look after their estate, I'm the guy (and I come with great letter's of recommendation!). Thanks.
"All I'm asking for is a little massage on my ass. It's starting to look like a bag of ricotta cheese that a bunch of football players ran over with their cleats on."