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Old 04-14-2010, 06:11 AM   #139 OP
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Joined: Aug 2009
Oddometer: 75
Originally Posted by kiwipeet
Mikey? It's been 2 weeks since we heard from you.

Where for art thou Mikey?
Hey Pete - we are in Cameroon, Yaounde, and I am in a shitty internet cafe!

It's Simon's birthday today so we'll have a few beers later. We got him an Arsenal keyring, a lighter with a torch built in and a smutty magazine - he loved it. I also carved an awesome cricket bat from a chunk of wood using my hatchet and Hans' saw. Had a great game of bat down.

Other news, Simon's wallet passport, cards and money were stolen in a petrol station. Everything bar the money was handed in to a police station a few days later though, so not too bad.

Also, Peter put his bike on a truck to cross a bad section of road as he didn't have off-road tires... and the truck crashed. He is very very lucky to be alive. Maybe a 15cm impact cut on his forehead and other cuts scratches and bruises. We were following on the bikes so patched him up and Simon got him to hospital. Me and Hans roped in the local to free the bike from the truck and haul it up the bank back onto the road. It has been smashed up, but should live to see another day. Will ship it to Windhook to repair it

We only had transit visas to cross Nigeria and we had to do it in a hurry. Shame as I met a nice German bird Katie in Abuja. Damn it!!!

World worst drivers
The Nigerians are the worst drivers in the world. They drive cars the same way as other Africans drive scooters - full speed and literally as close as possible to the vehicles in front. The motorways are like a bunch of angrey shoppers on boxing day sales elbowing and pushing each other out of the way. Utterly insane and very very dangerous. We all shook hands and congratulated each other for not dying.

We stayed at the Sheraton in Abuja where we could camp in the car park with our bike for free and use all the amenities, like the massive pool and bar. Only problem was the bar was swarmed with annoying hookers after dark. It was like a plague of annoying mosquitoes hovering around you all the time. I had three key techniques to see them off.

1. Drunk lout. I'd bellow like Father Jack from the tv show Father Ted "What? Eh? Feck?"... effective

2. One asked me how I was - I said heavily constipated and would love to murder a brown snake... like a professional all she did was show sympathy. Think I burped in her face and turned away (very rude I know, but they are soooo annoying and persistent)

3. I told another one that I was carrying my dead wife's ashes around Africa and have planted a seed with her ashes in each country that we had always planned to visit together (until fate took her) and I would do nothing to dishonour her memory. Utter rubbish, but good practice for lying needed to fend off money grubbing thieving border guards and officials.

Singing Waltzing Matilda to Nigerian Border guards
I had always wanted to offer "the gift of song" to officials trying to extort a bribe, but was far too chicken. Simon bless him offered to sing to a Nigerian border guard as cardeau. When he accepted Peter and Si were looking sheepishly at each other, so Peter kicked off Waltzing Matilda before Si could jump in with rule Britannia. Think our humbling was enough for the border guards to wave his bribe. So funny.

Next Update
We will be here for a while getting Visas and sorting Peters bike, and waiting for Simon's passport to be returned. I'll add some pics in the next few days screwed with this post 04-14-2010 at 06:23 AM is offline   Reply With Quote