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Old 08-31-2011, 04:40 AM   #1
Dirty Hairy
NCD's Avatar
Joined: Nov 2008
Location: NE Ohio
Oddometer: 509
The BEST Continental Divide ride report EVER!

What a great title. Too bad it's full of crap. I needed something to lure people in here. You know that urban myth about the 2 hot chicks that lure you back to a hotel room in Vegas, with promises of a sordid 3-way affair of your dreams? Only you wake up in a foggy stupor, in a tub full of ice, with key internal organs missing? Well, I'm those hot chicks.

You see, there is a problem. There are already 604,347 ride reports about the Continental Divide, with nearly 1,456,803 photos documenting every inch of the route. There are longstanding efforts by Big Dog and Questor. And more recent ones by Woodworks and others. But then that sonofabitch Cannonshot came in here and laid down the law. An epic. Pictures of everything, multiple informative sidetrips, and the holy grail of GPS information. Why bother reporting anymore. They should just close the trail. Done.

So what should I do? I had a great ride. I've got some nice pictures. But I'm sitting in front of my computer kinda feeling like this:

But then I had an idea. I think I will tee this report up ... back up and take a deep breath ... line it up ... little practice swing, nice and easy ... another deep breath ... exhale ... nice, full backswing .... and ...

slice this motherf*cker way into the woods. It's bound to ricochet and bounce somewhere interesting. And if not, it might be funny to watch me try to whack it out of the pine needles to get it back on track. Be forewarned: this report may (will) contain poor humor, lame attempts at sarcasm, and may offend 93.79% of the general public. The other 6.34% may actually crack a moderate smile (I know the numbers don't add up. I'm too lazy to get a calculator out shithead.)

Oh, almost forgot. You are supposed to post a pic to whet the whistle a bit, and get people to stick around. So, with that in mind, I searched through my stack and pulled out the most mundane, lame ass pic in the bunch. You know the one. The one with your stupid ass motorcycle anchored in a corner. Like this:

Is anyone still with me at this point?

Disclaimer: Cannonshot is not really a sonofabitch. His RR was super helpful to me, as were the others that I mentioned. If anything I have said up to this point has been found offensive by you, you need to turn and run. It's only going to get worse from here.
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