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Old 11-03-2011, 12:02 PM   #34
notmybikemodelname OP
KOTW is a myth!
 
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Joined: Mar 2008
Location: I'm in jail Dad, and I like it here.............
Oddometer: 7,273
In 2005, I did my 20th Newport to Ensenada Yacht Race and my 9th on my boat Allegiance, pictured below.

This picture was taken about 4pm on the afternoon of this race.



The start day was Friday April 23rd, 2005 and it was like any of the other 19 starts for this race that I've ever done. The crew and I were drunk before we left the dock in Alamitos Bay Marina in Long Beach. In the 24 mile delivery down to Newport we continued to drink and laugh.

Our start was stellar that day with us leaving the line tied for first. We had noticed that all of the other boats were charging the line high towards the weather committee boat so we hung low on the line realizing that the wind was more Southerly than normal, giving even the low end of the line clear air. We stayed low of the fleet for the rest of the day which gave us the ability to charge high and take up the other boats when the wind switched around to a North Westerly. Just as planned, the wind switched and we spent all day taking boats up and leaving them in our wake of beer filled burps and farts. We felt good and continued to drink....

OK, OK! Let's skip through the next 18 hours to the finish. We finished aorund noon the next day, and continued to drink. We then took a water taxi to shore and continued to drink.....through Sunday into Monday

Fast forward to Monday morning. As we were leaving Ensenada Harbor my engine was running poorly. So we put up the sails and continued to sail home. I went down inside and pulled the fuel filter and noticed that my fuel was full of water. Just as we were clearing the point next to Hotel Coral and Marina, I realized that I did not feel like sailing home, or maybe I did not feel like the party should end. Afterall, in four more days it would be the weekend. So, I blurted out, "Hey you guys, let's go to the Hotel Coral and get a slip and sit in the jacuzzi, have dinner and drink some more." No one thought that was a bad idea.

So we arrive in the marina, get a slip and then go to the jacuzzi. There we find some drunk loud mouth bitch and her pussy husband arguing about something. Don't know, don't care. After a while we get sick of hearing the shit, and someone says, "why don't you two shut up or get out". I believe that was my brother. The girl, not the guy starts going crazy and getting in everyone's face. She was drunk and her breath stank like fish and tequila. After about 15 minutes of us taunting her and making fun of him, me not being the one to shut down a good time said to the guy, "why don't you take your loud mouth bitch out of here before we have to drown her". Stuff gets crazy at this point, but someone, maybe me, said, "get her out of here before we tear your arm off and beat her over the head with it". About this time the hotel management showed up and kicked them out of the pool. I believe later we ended up in the inside pool and jacuzzi where somehow all of the furniture ended up in the pool and we got kicked out. I honestly don't think it was us who threw it in though....but I could be wrong, afterall I was drunk.

So the next morning we wake up from our drunken stupors and I "think" I have the motor fixed, so we leave and head home towards San Diego. Well it turns out the motor was not fixed, but luckily the wind comes up and we have a good 8 knot sail home, once again drinking the whole way. Around 5pm as we near the US border and we're about 15 miles offhsore, one of the crew, Ron Wood (A Pro Rally driver) says, "hey check out that helicopter". Just as he says that a warm whoosh of wind blows past my face coming from the wrong direction and the howl of churning rotor blades breaks the normal sound of a North Westerly. As I peer over my shoulder I spy an airman sitting on the edge of an open Black Hawk helicopter moving along with us and only about 150 feet away. Hte airman was intensely staring at us from his perch. I was thinking, "WOW, we are sailing so awesome that even the Navy wants to get up close and see us". They continue to follow us for about 15 minutes and then that awesomeness is broken by the crackling of our ship to shore radio. Jim (Herrhemet on ADV) says, Hey Rob, I think someone is calling us. He goes below to retrieve the radio and all I hear from Jim is, "This is the vessel Allegiance", then silence. Then I hear, "Yes, he's here". and then silence. Silence is never good. Then Jim says to me, "Hey Rob it's for you". So I'm expecting my mom, or my uncle, or someone selling windows, but not this. I take the radio from Jim and hand over the helm to him and go below so I could hear over the prop wash of the helicopter "Is this Rob Seymour, Skipper of the vessel Allegiance?" I reply, "Yes it is". Then the voice on the other side says, "This is Capt watchamacallit of the USS Guided Missile Frigate something or other. I was thinking, who the hell is fucking with me. Which one of my friends would do this, or even know how to do this, or even break the Maritime law by posing as an officer of the Navy? The only person I knew that could, or would do this was with me. I stared out the hatch to be sure that Jim was not holding another radio. He wasn't.

So at this point I start shitting my pants. I say cautiously, "how can I help you"? Capt watchamacallit says, "We have received a missing vessel report on your boat and crew, is everything OK?" I say, "yes". He then says like a buddy I stayed out all night drinking with, "Your wife is pissed off and you better call her". OH SHIT!

So about an hour later we're in cell range and I suck my balls up into my throat and make the call. Here's what I heard. "WHERETHEFUCKAREYOU, WHYTHEFUCKDIDN'TYOUCALLME, YOUKNOWNONEKNOWSWHERETHEHELLYOUARE, WHETHERYOU'REDEADORNOT,SUSANISLOOKINGFORJIMANDSHE' SWORRIEDTODEATHASWELL.
THENAVYANDCOASTGUARDHAVEBEENLOOKINGFORYOUFORHOURS.
BOK,BOK,BOK,BOK,BOKBOK,BOK,BOK.................... .................................................. .....

I replied, "we were in Mexico................the engine broke down, so we stayed another night to fix it.................."

WHYDIDN'TYOUCALLME? YOUDON'TGIVEASHITABOUTME. YOUKNOWPHONESWORKINMEXICOTOO?
BOK,BOK,BOK,BOK,BOK,BOK,BOK,BOK................... .........................................

I had no reply. You know why? Because there's no reasoning with a pregant woman. Yep, my wife was a few months pregant with our first child and the hormones were a flowing, BIG time!

So in the end, after she setlted down a bit, I said, "Babe, were going to need a ride home from San Diego tonight when we reach port and after we clear customs. So the next thing I hear is "CLICK".

We arrive into San Diego around midnight and clear customs and get laughed at by the customs officials who knew and had heard about the whole thing. One of them even told me that he hoped my boat was comfortable, because I was going to living on it when my wife dicorced me. It's not comfortable. It's actually been called "the Slave Ship". And this was by a friend of mine (Hoover) who did two years in Boron. He said his jail cell was more comfortable.

So I summon the courage to make another phone call to my pregnant hormone filled wife at around 12:30 am to ask her to come down to SD to pick us up.

She begrudgingly agrees, I believe becasue she liked the people I was with and didn't want to see them have to endure my antics any further. But in actuality, I think it was so that she did not have to wait to yell at me some more. She arrives in about 1:30, her mother in tow. That's never good.

It took no longer than 30 seconds for us to load up all of the crew's bags in the car, and then I said, "See you all later, I'm staying here". There was no fucken way I was getting in that car with my wife for a 1:30 torture fest all the way back to LB. Jim said that although my wife said not one word on the "trail of tears" drive, my mother-in-law never shut up.

This was another stupid thing that NotmyBike....did.

notmybikemodelname screwed with this post 11-03-2011 at 04:23 PM
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