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Old 11-07-2011, 12:29 PM   #77
notmybikemodelname OP
KOTW is a myth!
 
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Joined: Mar 2008
Location: I'm in jail Dad, and I like it here.............
Oddometer: 7,273
I believe it was 1981 and my girlfriend, Leslie (now my wife) and I were sitting in her parents livingroom watching this super cool new channel called MTV. I recall she was talking to her mom and I was sitting there stoned as hell completely engulfed in this new thing. I was 17 at the time and she was 14.

I suddenly overhear my mother-in-law say, "....yes, she's not doing so well. They say that she now has more than one tumor and they can't operate". Now this was sad, even though I had no clue who she was talking about. Now also remember that I was high as a kite.

I'm not one for sad or unhappy news and I always try to diffuse the feelings with levity whenever possible. And, I saw possibilities here. A few seconds pass, and I say to Lois and Leslie, "it's not so bad. I've been living with a tumor for most of my life...................See?"

They look over at me and I had taken my right nut and pulled it out the pant leg of my 1980's style OP shorts and smashed it against my leg. All of the sudden it hit me that I barely knew this lady and I was dating her 14 year old daughter.......................................... .........

Lois (my now mother-in-law) looks at me and my ball hanging there and without missing a beat says, "Rob, put that little egg back in it's nest" At that point, I realized that she had just opened the flood gate for all sorts of fun, at least from my perspective.

About two weeks later, I was sitting in the backyard with my soon to be father-in-law, Mike. Mike was/is a hard drinking construction contractor who protects his daughter with all of the attention of a mafia hit man. So I was sitting in the back having a beer with him and about 5 or 6 of his buddies and employees. He owned a drywall company at the time and they all used to come over after work and drink Coors for a few hours before they headed home. I had already drank a few myself and was feeling like one of the gang. There was a short lull in the yelling, cussing and making fun of each other, and I don't like silence. Suddenly a lounge chair becomes empty and I was tired of standing while all of the old men sat. So I jumped at the chance to sit and then suddenly jumped up and yelled, "Shit, I sat in gum!"

While I was standing off to the side I had pulled my scrotum sack through a tear in my surf trunks and was standing there with it pulled about two inches away from my shorts. You would not believe how funny it seemed at the time.

A few very uncomfortable seconds pass, and then Mike says while looking around at his friends, "Well at least his parents are nice, even though he's an asshole"

I know he was hoping that our relationship would be short lived. 31 years later he's probably still hoping.

Those are some more stupid things that Notmybike ahs done......................................
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