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Old 03-23-2012, 10:03 PM   #45
JayhooRay OP
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Joined: Jun 2010
Location: Bend, Oregon
Oddometer: 68
Wicked Chapter 3: Art and Sparkle Ponies and the Burn...

Chapter 3: Art and Sparkle Ponies and the Burn...

Ah yes, now we get to the good stuff right? Sparkle Ponies.

The Sparkle Pony is an elusive creature unless you are aware of their preferred habitats and gathering times. The are essentially synonymous with Playa Poodles, although the latter are strictly furred whereas the Sparkle Pony is often quite hairless and decorated with shiny or sparkly things. One of the world’s largest gathering of Sparkle Ponies is Burning Man. Honestly, its about 30% of why I go.

[IMG]319273_10150373925047915_563012914_9764179_1389938  471_n[/IMG]

Flashback to 2009. I’ve just arrived home rough and sick from a trip to India. I’m about 30 pounds underweight…seriously. I just make it to the burn thanks to a last minute House worthy diagnosis of an autoimmune disorder caused by malnutrition and acute gastrointestinal illness first documented in German prisoner of war camps in WWI. Really. Diagnosed by my ophthalmologist. Treated with steroids. “The make it hard for you to sleep and may make you very amped up.” Sweet, can I take extra for a few days? So I spent a lot of time chillin’ that year in the front seat of the Bird reading a book and smoking cigarettes and drinking various things. Other guys from camp would come hang out. We are usually camped on a corner so there is lots of random stuff going by to gawk at. Little motorized cupcakes with people in them…topless women on bicycles…the usual. Usually about twice a day some absolutely beautiful woman would come by is some state of fancy hardly dressed…followed by a few more…followed by a few more with spectacular bare breasts letting their full Sparkle Pony selves turned up to a reasonable mid-day 8. They stop and chat about the Bird…when are we going out? They live in the neighborhood and partied with us last night/year whatever…ok cool…see ya later! One guy says to another…I love this place.

Wait, what was I talking about? Oh yeah… So what was mysterious until last year, because bare breasts are distracting and cause thought impairments, is what do Sparkly Ponies do? Well. They eat your food if it is fruit cups, bacon, ice cream, or ticktacks. They drink your drinks, especially if they are fruity boozy dranks or champagne. They sit around under the shade structure in your camp every now and then and look like they just might want to have sex with you some day maybe…if you have more champagne. And they will gladly do all your drugs before they traipse off in a little posse giggling, squeeking, chattering, prancing, tossing their pretty manes, and breaking necks and causing bike crashes. Basically, they are DJ’s girlfriends…almost to a one. If not, they were last week or will be next week. They don’t seem to have jobs much unless it involves a stage and a brass pole or a lot of time in Mexico on a beach. Well, they might teach hoola hooping.

Off Season Sparkle Ponies:


Bet money that guy is a DJ.

Usually it is just fun to stare at Sparkly Ponies from behind your mirrored shades and make jokes about them as if you really would kick one out of camp…for whatever reason it is you are bitching about. Then one day it occurred to me that on the playa I am in danger of becoming the very rare male heterosexual Sparkle Pony…more on that later. And I realized that my camp is full of hot chicks…and a few Sparkle Ponies. Would you like to see some? Oh! Ok!


Yep, her again...


oops...that's a Mermaid.


You gotta be careful around them though. They lull you in with cuteness and when you pass out trying to keep up with them they tag up your face...


Or steal you bike...look there's a bike in this picture...its mine...see the bike? Hello?


Aren't they pretty?

Ok…now…deep breath…let’s redeem ourselves now shall we? Art…well…funny but I stopped photographing that years ago because other people do it way better. But here is my favorite piece from last year.

Funny…it’s a giant naked woman…

How big?

This big….

[IMG]P1060969[/IMG]'d that super hot artsy chick from Europe get in there?

Zoom out!


Here's some Art Cars and stuff...

This one follows the Bird around a lot...their sorta neighbor friends folks kinda in our camp. Check out the Temple in the background...more on that later too...


Yeah...its all red faux fur inside with a little sound system...its like a Sparkly Pony nest in have to chase them out all the time...if you only need a few...


Yep...those are kids...


WTF is wrong with that guy!?! Seriously, its hot out there. Makes your brain soft, your judgement questionable, and may lead to changing underwear with British tourists.

[IMG]287680_10150294933568503_503253502_7673853_2467334  _o[/IMG]

Yeah...but check out that party...a a thousand plus people dancing and a dozen or so boat style art cars...



That's a giant flame thrower mounted in that thing. Big Flames...Like 30ft +

Ok...some inmate, av_mech, just invited himself over to my house to crash on my couch so I'm gonna get him some whiskey and food...

Next post we'll go for a little bike ride, visit the temple, have some cocktails in the middle of nowhere, go to a wedding, burn the temple down and pack up...shew.

How do you know this is not a Sparkle Pony?


She's working....

Some people claim that there's a woman to blame. But I know. It's my own damn fault.

'06 Dakar

JayhooRay screwed with this post 03-24-2012 at 09:59 PM Reason: I really am trying to follow the rules while also writing about Burning Man....
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