You make some salient points, my friend.
And I really appreciate you including a picture of me at Night Four....when one of the guys helpfully manoeuvres a small boulder for me to sit on (while you kitties pull out your chairs and plant your cheeks comfortably [except for the triangular ball crusher] ). As my old-dirtbiker knees slowly hydraulic my butt on to the soft contours of the stone, I think I have found its sweet spot, only to find that my downward motion , being assisted by those nefarious gravitational laws, continue and I roll backwards onto the sand.
I don't know if it was the fall that entertained you guys or my akido-like roll that I have perfected over years of crashing on the trails.
Whatever it was, I considered that it was UM#4....: give the old fat guy an asymetrical boulder for a chair and see how a foreigner might manage ...at least for diversional purposes so you wouldn't be the only "old fart" target.
I am off on the 690 to GPS some tracks....later....