Once the World War Z landscape of Detroit was behind me I was again surrounded by lush, manicured farms, blue skies and red barns off in the distance. I stopped to get some petrol, but instead found myself in the scene of an X-Files episode (will it ever end????).
It was the perfect setting for an alien abduction or the supernatural and mysterious death of your dear protagonist. I even tried performing the kind of innocuous tasks that provide filmmakers a perfect opportunity to both introduce the homicidal villain AND kill off an unsuspecting, hapless victim at the same time.
Such as pumping gas from an inoperable pump at an abandoned gas station:
("What could be wrong? I do not understand.")
Relieving a full bladder on the wall of a building:
But even the one activity that never fails, failed. Yes, I'm talking about obliviously taking pictures that, upon inspection by the investigative detectives who arrive in the first scene, reveal no clues:
You know...the kind of pictures that towards the end of the episode reveal the true identify the perpetrator during the shocking penultimate scene:
Hey, what's Mulder doing in a bear costume?
But no matter how much I tempted fate with the kinds of activities that always lead to a crescendo of suspense and horror (I just wanted to hear that eerie and ever-so-mysterious X-Files theme song) Flukeman didn't emerge from primordial radioactive sludge via a manhole cover, nor did an argument between Darin Peter Oswald and myself lead to spontaneous human electrocution while a particularly awesome version of "Ring the Bells" not available on iTunes played in the background on a non-functioning radio.