I finally got to a point where I could try starting it up.
I took the bike out under the cloak of night -- the better to hide my inevitable shame. I filled it up with gas and found out the left side is leaking fuel like crazy. Undeterred, I pressed the starter button. I got a nice KA-THUNK, but no turning. I plan on checking the starter relay, and have a starter rebuild kit from EME waiting in the wings.
Still undeterred, I gave it a few kicks. I found out it's not much of a motorcycle, but as a bird caller it's not half bad: audio link
That sound is not me sobbing. That's the bike. I promise.
I need to do a detailed run-through of the electrics, as there are a few gremlins yet. I finally got the headlight/parking light to work, but they remained on even with the key pulled out of the ignition switch. I had to pull the ground cable to get them to turn off. which is not SOP, I gather.
All in all, a frustrating couple of days.