Today is W.C Fields' birthday, so:
Get the following:
1) The Fatal Glass of Beer - get a (primarily) beer bar. No snooty martini bars or frilly wine bars
2) The Bank Dick - a standalone bank. Nothing in a strip mall, etc.
3) The Dentist - a dentist's office - clearly visible
4) International House -
Get an IHOP. If none in your area, get a Waffle House or equivalent.
5) The Golf Specialist - a driving range
J. Effingham Bellwether