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Old 02-08-2013, 01:22 PM   #497
gsweave
Yinz, blinkers are on.
 
Joined: Apr 2005
Location: The Paris of Appalachia
Oddometer: 11,113
Quote:
Originally Posted by knybanjo View Post
__________________________________________________ _______________ West Virginia Residency Application __________________________________________________ _______________ APPLICATION TO LIVE IN THE STATE OF WEST VIRGINIA ------------------------------------------------- 1. Your name is (Check one): ( ) Billy ( ) Calvin ( ) Eli ( ) Harvey (x ) Homer ( ) Jimmie ( ) Junior ( ) Leonard ( ) Leroy ( ) Luther ( ) Oscar ( ) Mordechai a. Nichname:__gsweave_________________ b. CB Handle:_____gsweavinski__________________ 2. Address (RFD#):_______Rascal flatts blvd______________________________________________ ___ 3. Daddy (If unknown, attach list of 3 suspects):___Whitey, bubba x bubba y______________________ 4. Mama:_______Thelma_______________ 5. Number of brothers/sisters_____18________ 6. Are you married to: ( ) Sister ( ) Cousin ( ) Sow (x ) Other Relative Do you know her name?______gogetme________________________________ ____ Does your wife weigh more than your truck? ( ) Yes (x ) No ( ) Likely 7. Number of weeks employed:_____4____ On welfare:____48____ in the last year. 8. Your neck shade (check one): ( ) Light red ( x) Medium red ( ) Dark red 9. Number of dependents: (Legal)____12_______ (Claimed) ___________26__________ 10. Length of Right Leg:____28___ inches. Lenght of Left Leg:____24____ inches. 11. Type of pick-up owned:_______chevy________________________________ __________ a. Year:_____76_______ b. Height of Truck____________76"______________ c. Is any portion of your truck painted primer red (The official state color)?___Yes______ What part(s)?____________everything below windos____________________ d. Average number of beer cans on floorboards of pick-up truck:______________cube__________________________ _________________ e. Truck equipped with (check all that apply): ( x) Gun rack (x ) 4-wheel drive ( x) Eight Track (x ) Load of wood ( x) Big dog ( ) Fuzz buster ( ) Mag wheels (x ) Dual CB Antenna ( x) Camper Top (x ) Spitoon ( ) Mud flaps (x ) Spit Staines x(x ) Bumper hitch ( ) Spit stains ( ) Air horns (x ) Hijacker shocks ( ) Raccoon Hide (x ) Deer Antlers (x ) Confederate flag f. Bumper stickers on truck (regardless of location): (x ) Eat More Possum (x ) Redman Chewing Tobacco ( ) Honk if your love Jesus ( ) Honk if your Horny ( ) Elvis is Alive (x ) My Other car is a piece of s---, too (x ) BOCEPHUS (x ) Get off my Ass ( ) Other:____________________________________________ ________________ 12. Weapons owned: (x ) Deer Rifle (x ) Scatter Gun ( x) Log Chain (x ) Sawed-off shotgun ( ) Balin' Hook (x ) Varmit Rifle (x ) Axe Handle (x ) Tire Iron a. Which are normally carried on your person?__________________________ b. In your truck?____________________________________________ __________ 13. Favorite Recreation: (x ) Drankin' ( x) Possum Huntin' ( ) Bull Chip Throwin' ( ) Craw Daddin' ( ) Four Wheelin' (x ) Gospel Sangin' ( ) Skinny Dippin' ( ) Fightin' ( ) Fishin' ( ) Puckin' (x ) Spittin' Backy ( ) Square dancin' 14. Emblem on your favorite cap: ( ) CAT ( ) NAPA ( ) Budweiser ( ) McCullough ( ) Coors ( ) John Deer ( ) P. B. R. (x ) Skoal 15. Define the following (must be 90% correct): a. brogans - short drawers___________________________________________ _ b. chitlins - _____________Pig tasties_______________________________ c. cobbler - __________________cookin grease__________________________ d. fatback - ____________________________________________ e. goobers - _____deer shit_______________________________________ f. collards - __greens__________________________________________ g. grits - _______brakefast__________________________________ ___ h. muscadina - ______fancy coffe______________________________________ i. pig skins - sunday special supper____________________________________________ j. pinto beans - ___________overy expansive_________________________________ k. poke -
pig in a poke____________________________________________ l. redeye gravy - ________heaven____________________________________ n. s--- on a shingle - _________tusday-sat supper___________________________________ o. sidemeat - __________sumtine the cake eatin nighbor eats__________________________________ p. soppin' syrup - ______________fatback_____________________________ _ q. spam - _______________________mashed_____________________ r. taters - __________________shoppin bag__________________________ s. tote - __________________________Monday supper__________________ t. turnip salad - ____________________________________________ 16. Favorite Sanger: ( ) Donna Fargo ( ) Conway Twitty ( ) Jonny Cash ( ) Elvis (mandatory) (x ) Hank Junior ( ) Loretta Lynn ( ) Porter waggoner ( ) Willie Nelson ( ) George jones (x ) Slim Whitman ( ) Tammy Wynette ( x) Boxcar Willie 17. Club Memberships: (x ) K.K.K. ( x) N.R.A. (x ) 700 Club ( ) P.T.L. ( ) Four H ( ) B.A.S.S. (x ) Sons of the confederacy (mandatory) 18. Number of dogs owned (Do not include kinfolk):____6 coon dawgs__________________ Type: ( ) Blue Tick ( ) Beagle ( ) Redbone ( ) Black 'n' Tan ( ) Mutt 19. Number of cars on block in front yard:____________just 4 but ibe tryin_____________________ 20. How many kitchen appliances do you keep on your front porch?____just 2________ How many of them work?__________0___________ 21. Do you wear: ( ) snagged polyeter pants ( x) denim britches ( ) shorts 22. Do you own any shoes? ( ) Yes (x ) No If so, hom many?_____________ Year you last bought shoes:__________________________ 23. Highest grade completed in school: _____6th__________ If higher than 8th grade, reason why:______________________________________________ _____ 24. Can you sign your name and spell it correctly every time? ( ) Yes (x ) No ( ) Maybe 25. Do you know any words that have more than four letters? ( ) Yes ( ) No If so list them here:___________________________ 26. Have you ever had more than one bath in a week? ( ) Yes ( ) No ( ) What's a bath 27. Can you count past ten with your shoes on? (x ) Yes ( ) No ( ) never tried .....past twenty with your fly up? ( ) Yes ( ) No (x ) never tried 28. What do you prefer to drink? ( ) Iced tea ( ) Budweiser ( ) Everclear (x ) Mad Dog 20/20 ( ) Jack daniels ( ) Boones's farm ( ) Jim Beam ( ) Rotgut Moonshine ( ) Coors 29. Have you ever stayed sober for a whole weekend? ( ) Yes (x ) No If so, why?______________________________________________ _______ 30. Medical Information: a. Do you have any of the following? (check all that apply): ( ) trench mouth ( x) bad breath ( ) crotch crickets ( x) body odor ( ) runny nose ( x) head lice ( ) missing front teeth ( ) obvious warts ( ) crabs b. Do you show any of the following classic signs of inbreeding? Check all that apply (Minimum three required): ( ) Closely-set eyes ( ) Misaligned ears ( ) Hairs Shoulders ( ) Vacant Stare (x ) Low Forehead (x ) Slight Limp ( ) Slack Jaw ( ) Speech Impediment ( ) IQ of a Carrot I certify that the above information is true and correct to the best of my knowledge. Signature ("X" must be witnessed): _____________________________________ Witness (if "X" is used): ___________________________2/8/13__________ Today's Date (if known): _____________________________________ __________________________________________________ _______________

let me knows if aceptted
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"The Holy Spirit does not want you to be afraid of people, but to be wise and strong, and to love them and enjoy being with them" 2 Timothy 1:7
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