It was a lovely day and as I cleared the towns and rode on as traffic got less and less, and I was starting to settle a little into the journey. It got to about 3 O'Clock and I need to gas up and grab some lunch, so I pulled on to a gas station with a truckstop/cafe attached .
As I pulled on the station dog went mental, it could obviously hear the bike whispering " you're gay, and just look at that nancy haircut". WTF?? I watched it in case it attacked...but it just stood still snarling and barking. oookaaayyyyyy!
I filled up and pushed the bike over to the cafe.
The world over, one can encounter every variant of female in a cafe, from the Dragon to the Darling. This was Dragon day.
Mr Brown had taught me well...ask for either Borscht or Goulash and you'll not go far wrong. Dragon stood looking at me with barely disguised hate. I asked her for Borscht...she replied BARSCHT?
Borscht...BARSCHT? Borscht.. BARSCHT? Borscht. BARSCHT? we barked at each other.
Dragon scribbled someting on a piece of paper and threw it into the kitchen with a sneer. I took a cling wrapped sandwich off the counter for later and some chai limoniya (lemon tea) and went to await the arrival of the grub.
After a few minutes the waitress arrived and put my food in front of me. A pork chop covered in cheese with some potatoes . EH? She's clearly misunderstood my Russian and ordered this..... Don't complain-just eat it.
A woman was sitting at the next table and shuffling about.
I tucked in-it was great so I kept on scoffing ( you can see this coming can't you?) and after another 5 minutes the waitress appeared again...this time with my borscht which she put in front of me. EH? I'm dead!!
Shuffle woman now kicked off big time and started revving up at the waitress who came over looking confused...then called over The Dragon. She stomped over...hands on hips and fixed me with the steely gaze..I quailled and waited for her to stab me with a kitchen knife
Dragon then pointed at the grub, pointed at me and although I speak no Russian I know EXACTLY what she said. I still sat fork poised beween plate and mouth..
" You didn't order that did you? she barked
I shook my head
"But you're eating it aren't you" ? Eyebrow raised...
Her voice went up an octave. "Why are you eating something you haven't ordered?" I trotted out my stock "Nye-panimye! (I don't understand).
Shuffle woman joined in bollocking me
and then I saw the Dragon's mouth starting to twitch..she was dying to laugh but couldn't lose face so she wheeled off and stomped back to her lair.
I offered to pay but they didn't understand. .....so I scoffed the lot and the borscht too.
..To save some face I left the cling wrapped sandwich on the table (so they could re-sell it) when they were through the back and I snuck out.
I wanted to button up the bike and just get lost but it takes a few minues to get the gear on. I was just putting my crash hat on when the Dragon came out holding the sandwich in front of her like a dead rat. I took it wordlessly. My shame was complete.
I swung a leg over the bike, buttoned it up and snicked it into gear, and as I pulled forwards the station dog tore round the corner snarling and chasing me.. FFS! I shot off the station at 50 mph.
If every days as "interesting" as this it's going to be a long trip.