Let's broaden your horizons!
You're just the kind of fellow that could benefit from a trip with my group friends, the NUTS! It stands for "Not Usually This Stupid", but we're actually a nice group of mild-mannered misfits, from Iowa no less (home to such places as Adair), who travel west every summer on our dual-purpose 650's. Include your mailing address sometime and I'll send you this year's itinerary,
P.S. Sorry about "Jeff", I never saw Fast Times. If you should reference something from Seinfeld or Ishtar, however, I won't miss a beat.