When I tell you that I exerted every bit of concentration I could muster, I mean I was concentrating harder than buckling your helmet while wearing gloves and motoring down the highway at 75. I pulled my shit together, lifted the bike from the kickstand, and gingerly...ever so gingerly...inched it out the parking spot. I had my hip pressed against the left pannier, one hand on the left grip, and one hand on the left rear grab rail. I acutely focused on one thing...don't fall over...don't fall over...don't fall over...there are people watching...don't fall over...don't fall over.
I made it about 8 feet before I had to stop to rest, regroup, and sweat. Mike was already sitting on his bike...trying to figure out how to start it. We had agreed to take our chances and make a break for it...willing ourselves into sobriety...Herculean effort being put forth to stimulate brain cells starved for oxygen...it wasn't working...I was quite plainly snookered.
Despite my self-induced handicap, I pressed on...surely the alcohol had to wear off shortly...it was 2 beers for goodness sake. I climbed aboard, hit the starter, and looked over at Mike
"We really gonna do this?"
"Sure, why not?"
"Just be sober"
"OK, sure...be sober...I can do that"
We laughed and motored off into the darkness...be sober...be sober...be sober...be sober
Moments later I was laughing like a fool...I couldn't find my way out of the parking lot. Mike was still following me and most likely still wondering why he should be following me. We eventually found our way out onto Colfax and headed for the hotel. We stopped at a red light...still laughing like fools...
"How are you doing?"
"Good. I remembered to put my feet down when we stopped. I'm pretty happy about that...and my clutch works again so I've got that going for me"
"Cool. Now if we can avoid the police, we'll be golden"
At that point, I looked across the intersection and saw 2 police cruisers sitting side by side...facing us. "Be sober...be sober...be sober...be sober...be sober...be sober...why the hell am I wearing sunglasses in the dark? I'm not Corey Hart and its not 1983. Why am I so stupid? I have a mortgage." The light turned green and we set off without incident. I missed the hotel again and had to make another u-turn. We pulled into the parking lot, covered the bikes, went upstairs, and went to bed. End of story.
Wildly disappointing I know. I felt the same way. We were so close to an actual adventure and then...nothing. This trip blows. We get so close to epic disaster...raging rainstorms...flammable clothing...would-be motorcycle thieves...sinister meth-addicts...gale force winds...break downs...drunk driving...scorching heat...bed bugs...under-cooked chicken...expired milk...and yet, despite all of the ingredients being present, we keep skating by without real incident. How am I going to write an epic travelogue if nothing bad ever happens? It's truly infuriating. I might be driven to do something rash if our luck doesn't change soon. I can't go back to work next week without a harrowing tale of death and dismemberment. If I have to get Mike killed for a good story, I'm willing to make that sacrifice.
Maybe tomorrow will be better...err...worse...
Hondarider screwed with this post 07-29-2013 at 05:47 PM