I am in the maybe camp, on whether or not ABS would have made enough difference in available traction to complete the turn.
People who have learned (ingrained, muscle memory etc.) that the proper reaction to the front washing out is to gas it, often don't remember that a noob has the opposite natural reaction.
As for why she gets hurt when she falls and you don't, that's simple. You know how to fall and she doesn't.
IDK what your backgrounds are athletically, but you may have participated in a sport (judo, football, soccer) that taught you how to fall. Even growing up on dirt bikes does a pretty good job of it.
Which brings me to my last point. If you are riding on dirt, especially if you are learning on dirt, you are going to fall. It's a given, you see it on this website over and over. Whenever number of crashes are discussed everybody says dirt doesn't count.
Maybe she has osteoporosis issues, and that is causing the breaks. Or maybe some judo classes are in order to learn how to fall.
Or maybe she just has to accept that the risk of a break is the result of an error in judgement, and that riding is worth it. We all are still learning, and if we are honest with ourselves we have made that decision.
But unfortunately you can't do it for her. As a husband it is hard to accept that sometimes when we are trying to help, we are actually making things worse.