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Old 10-07-2013, 07:22 AM   #71
mka OP
Gnarly Adventurer
 
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Joined: Oct 2012
Location: Ireland
Oddometer: 207
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so, it was starting to get dark and i had a mighty day of good twisty routes but now wanted to get somewhere to rest. So I headed toward Opatija, a town on the coast of the adriatic which would leave me central for next days messing about. There was no phone coverage all day on my phone at least. There were storms forecast so I thought no problem as it would pass.
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So I get into Opatija after sundown.............and head to a hotel on the shore................looks bloody good...........hotel kvarner, or to give it the full title.............grand hotel kvarner..............big opulent looking joint..........high ceilings...............chandeliers...............i felt totally out of place.................anyway i soldier on to the man on reception............how much is a room..........says i ...................huh......says he.................fuck this.........says i (to myself.....!!)............40 euros...........!!!
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but to park bike outside is 10 euros..............!!!...........expensive for bike and cheap for me.......................hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm......... ..!!!
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i just stood there.............it looked the kind of place it would cost 40 euros just to park your car............!!
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grand...says i ...........he gives me a big ugly key on a bigger uglier keyring...............i make my way up to a totally 'f'ugly room...............kindly put..........- a dump..!!
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well, says i to myself................it's perfect for the likes of me................just perfect............!!!..........insects........... .dirt...............creaky floor............crap loo...!!!
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......perfect...........!!....i do believe it was a converted wardrobe from a real room, but that's just the architect in me................!!!
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i make my way down to reception again.............the buck thinks i am about to complain hahahahaha...........i asked him where to get something nice to eat....!!
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he looks long and hard at me...............here.....says he...............go left.........dinner..........now.............eat.. .............good..............bye................ ..!!!
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so i do what i'm told ......................... 3 words to describe the food.......................shit shit shit.......................!!
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please brace yourself for following photos..............it's quite something.................!!
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ok......so it's just salad.................but............MOJ.......... ..........that's mother of jesus to you..............it was rubbery.............??
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the above tasted like canned dog food (i have eaten canned dog food, it was quite a while ago...................and it's a whole other story but describes this to a tee..!!)
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now, the worst thing was, this was self service................you had to go choose this shit yourself so you couldn't blame anyone else.........!!
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it was a sad f*ckin scene...........all these oldies/crusties waddling about picking at this and that.............no one really eating anything............and the most obnoxious staff overseeing the whole f*ckin room.................the staff in this joint must have been extras in a f*ckin nazi movie being filmed up the road.............!!
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i ate nothing..................it was safer to abstain................it was a total joke......everyone was being ripped off and no one would speak up........fear and loathing in another mans country.................!!
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you thought i was bullshitting you about the high ceilings and chandeliers................!!!
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now.........i still had no phone service...so i ask the buck on reception.................he blanks me................wanker...........!!!
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so i head uptown to find a public phone..................not a f*ckin one in the whole place..............two t-mobile phones and they out of order......!!
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reason for this is i had promised to ring my youngest this night before 6 pm and they were expecting my call big time...............i knew this too well.............!!
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so...........no way to call..............eventually i spied what looked like a foreigner and politely asked to use her phone, after some small talk we went back to her place.........sorry, i mean she let me use hers and i got through for a minute..................hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.......... ..!!
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my darling wife had been worried sick and thought i must have been in an accident..................but as she rightly pointed out................she didn't know what kind of bike I was on, didn't know the registration number, didn't know even which f*ckin country I was in...........she had spent the time consoling our baby all the while imagining me dead or worse, having a good time(i put this bit in myself, sorry)..........!!!...she didn't know anything and had been checking online about motorbike/car accidents in Italy and to the east.....................!!!
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it was a long minute........................!!!................. she was very upset indeed....................!!!...............i was very contrite, indeed..............!!!
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hmmmmmmmmmmmmmm...........!!! i see her point, indeed, and vowed to ring home again next day.
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i went for a wander out in the dark and felt bad about the above situation.........i may have to get some more presents on the way home...........!!
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found a pub.............food............but everyone working in this town whom i met was a total bollox............not friendly, just rude and obnoxious............i vowed to myself i'd get out of croatia by next sundown.............and make others wary of the pricks who work here...........it was an education...............and some places would not take euros.............only their own precious f**kin krona/e/er..........!!
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i took some pics of the hotel next morning to prove to you how high class this joint looked.............observe, ladies and gentlemen...........!
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the outdoor pool, not the indoor one.........!!
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view from a terrace....!!
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i went for a walk along the promenade thing.
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and came across this lady but i think she was for the birds...........!!
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eventually i came to this fella.................
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..i looked and then it dawned on me...................you'd have to be up early to fool me..............i had seen this kind of thing before.................it's quite something...............you just rest your 'manhood' in the man's hand and when you do..............he tells your fortune...........no bother................so i unzip and proceed as you would..........rest the whole lot there and wait................now it was early and not many people were around and it felt a little chilly too............but i persevered...................no, nothing...............not a dickey from the man himself..............and then i leapt when behind me i heard a scream.............a little old lady didn't seem to understand the quaint old custom she was witnessing............oh well says i to myself............i'll go buy some breakfast...............so i zipped up and off i went...............i was fairly hungry by now not having eaten in the hotel the night before..........!!!.....
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breakfast was just coffee and a mangy bun.............!!
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great bright morning it was turning out to be...................!!
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and mustn't forget jepus homer.
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this be the dump i speak of................!!
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i managed to get two more of those stars off the sign before i was chased off....................!!!
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and one more look at the pool just for the memories.
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the place left me pondering as shakespeare would - ' how could such a beautiful hotel be such a f**kin dump..............??'
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