Just bumped into your thread. As a survivor of an infectious disease adventure, I have a wee idea of your challenge. I have been to the edge, and looked over, but it was not my time. Having said that you have been through far more massive trauma. Unbelievable! Although you will fight this battle very much alone, take strength from the strength you give others by not submitting. Fate has given you a huge challenge and I bet your already seeing how many people you will touch. Maybe it's already happened but when the day comes that you start to feel excited again, it will become your new drug! Milk it! You path will never be the same, and that's OK. What a campfire story, for those who want to hear it. Isn't it amazing what you can live through? Hard to have patience and healing can be agonizingly slow, but time keeps ticking. Enjoy each small victory and celebrate it with family and friends. I tip my toque, my good man. Carry on.