Still not sure myself
If Kellymac was late...I sure am!!! What 4 years later?
To the OP, I pray you've come to grips with your friend's death and your own future in riding. But for others out there, I just wanted to add my 2 cents.
I've had two wrecks (not including several parking lot get-offs)...the first was a 17 yr old doing a U turn across 4 lanes right in front of me. I was in left lane, she in the right. Seeing her backing out of a parking space, I naturally slow down but when she started her U-turn across my lane...only two things saved me. 1) I had started slowing down and pondering an escape and 2) she just happened to look back into my lane mid-U-turn and slammed on her brakes. Those two things gave me just enough time to do an evasive swerve to the left. Her left front bumper hit my right pannier...but luckily not even hard enough for me to go down. If she hadn't stopped...I can only imagine what that T-bone would've looked like. (not to mention her leaving the scene AND lying to the insurance company...so no payout for the damage to my pannier).
Second wreck was just a week and a half ago. Me and a buddy coming back from Daytona Bike Week decided to take a portion of the TET (look it up here on ADV). About 100 miles of dirt roads into this portion of the trip ("dirt" really means "sand" in South Georgia), the packed sand roads suddenly became 4-6 inches deep soft sand. I couldn't recover a tank slapper and got thrown into a sand bank. Thankfully "only" bruised ribs and a little road rash on my knee. Still hurts though. The bike's a GS Adventure...so only cosmetic damage...those things are beasts!
Those two incidents, only a few months apart, and I can't help but think about my wife, 3 girls (5yrs, 3yrs, 6weeks), and my income being the only income. Yes, I'm covered in disability, and life insurance...but is that really a good argument? I can't even pick my girls up and hug them right now. The physical pain is just to much. It took almost 2 weeks for me to be able to sleep in the same bed as my wife (somewhat upright on the couch was my only option). And sneezing...o my goodness...it hurts almost as much as the wreck itself!
As other posters have said, it just feels so selfish right now. So much so I was actually hoping the insurance would total the bike so I wouldn't have to make an excuse for selling it.
Don't get me wrong. It is in my blood. Been riding for almost 20 years. Riding is my stress relief. It is my only real hobby. As someone once said, "If I have to explain it, you wouldn't understand." But is it worth it for me? I'm just not sure yet.
A Jeep sounds pretty enticing right now. Maybe a camper. Something I can do with the family. I know I'd miss it. I know I'd get back to it someday. But I might be done for a season. I really can't say for sure yet.