I have been bragging about my Central America
trip to all my friends ever since I got back. The responses tend to fall into three basic attitudes: A) I hope to read your further adventures in your blog. B) I expect to read your further adventures in your obituary. C) I want to go!
Response C, of course, is where this story begins. I put out a call to my rider friends to see who would be interested in a trip into Baja. Despite an initial outcry of interest, when the time finally came to fill the scrotum with gasoline and ride, I only had two compatriots with sufficiently large-capacity testicles:
* Jon, a brand new rider on a shiny new, yet-unscratched (heheh) DRZ-400SM. He spent decades racing pedal-powered road bikes and believes that this gives him crossover skill on a motorcycle. The strange thing is, it actually seems to. What you should know about Jon is that he loves to create photoshop "art" of people standing next to downed motorcycles. Fortunately I can teach you how to recognize the fakes: The clear giveaway is that it will be a picture of me standing next to my own motorcyle.
* Nicole, an experienced sportbike rider who bought a kitted-out 2005 KLR just for this trip. She's one of four people in the universe currently alive that plays classical piano for a living and actually earns enough money to afford a KLR. Incidentally, I believe her armored gloves cost more than her motorcycle. Other than two days of American Supercamp (worth every penny, btw) she has no dirt experience. I believe she hopes to sell what is left of the KLR when we return, then get on her knees and beg her Triumph Daytona to taker her back.
A quick message to my friends who didn't come on this trip: YES, THAT'S RIGHT, A GIRL HAS BIGGER BALLS THAN YOU DO! Of course, if you've ever ridden with her, you probably already know that Nicole has bigger balls than you. On the other hand, as you can guess from the title of this narrative, you're probably spitting less sand from your mouth, sleeping in beds with comfortable little springs in them, and walking upright without a limp. Wuss.
Jon and Nicole may chime in on this thread with their version of the events. Let me assure you in advance that these will all be lies and fabrications. Especially the pictures. See "Jon" above.
To make this even more interesting, I'm riding a new (to me) KTM 990A with a lot of thorougly untested gadgetry and farkles that I installed last week.
Oh, did I mention that our plan is to take the nastiest, ugliest dirt roads we can find? By "our plan" of course I mean "my plan", because Jon and Nicole have no idea what they are getting into. May the Virgin Mary of Guadalupe (burned into a slice of toast, preferably sourdough) bless their poor, naive souls.
So, to sum it up:
Two weeks to get from San Francisco to La Paz and back, taking as many dirt roads as possible. Three bikes, only one rider with dirt experience and he has a 100+ lb handicap over the next lightest bike. New, untested bikes. What could go wrong?