Cromag Frog Toss '05 - aka "April Fools..."

By Friday afternoon, I was completely unable to focus on work, so I began packing the truly important items from the three major food groups:



5 pounds of frozen Yak testicles, aka marinated steak tips.




Some heaters 'cause it gets mighy chilly up thar in the mountains at night.




And mac62's mapbook showing Maine's best Frog Ponds.


So FTB shows up, right on time, and I am then informed that we are to rendezvous with Airhead.



Airhead proceeds to tell us he is pissed that we are late. He had to do something to pass the time, so he waited in the pub. And drank beers. For an hour and a half. This was going to be an interesting ride through the mountains.

Up on Route 16, I see our beerless leader with his left arm out, motioning to slow down. Cops up here, I wondered (in my best Scooby-doo voice)? Next thing I see is a big ass moosy by the road. I mean BIG. So I am slowing down. And it's getting dark.

But Airhead and FTB are accelerating away. At 75 mph on a mountain road, evidently having dipped into some Scotch without my knowledge. Do I slow down, preparing for emergency ejection, in case Moosebreath comes out to play, or do I kick in the warp drive and catch up? I suddenly realize I made the brilliant decision to leave the GPS at home, so I kick in the afterburners. And took comfort in the fact that I was wearing my nice black Tourguard jacket, black pants, black helmet, and riding my black GS. At night. They'd never find me anyway, whole or in pieces. I laughed at the Night Demons as the warmth trickled down my leg.

So we roll into town and up the dirt road where a bike is parked and a rider is waiting. Fifteen minutes later two more bikes, then another, then another. What are the freaking odds that we all show up at the same time? Except for Driller, who was there two hours before us (on time) having a smoke on the deck. He decided not to go inside, just in case it was the wrong house! Evidently he didn't grow up in my neighborhood.

A pic of our weekend weaponry:



A veritable cornucopia of metal from all over the planet. Honda, KTM, Moto Guzzi, Suzuki, Kawasaki, BMW. And the FrankenBike. Rebuilt, like Steve Austin, to slowly go where others had ridden before. And make all the cool Steve Austin sound effects.

But of course. CroMag and I are trying for another too. Maybe by this fall, the GS's will have a little K1200R to look after...

I have always wanted a K, but alas all we have been able to produce are R's. (Shhhh....I think it has to do with CroMag's genes). A K to the family would be a real treat. But hey, as long as it has 2 wheels and lots of horsepower, we would be blessed.

FrogBlog is down.....er I mean SmugMug, so I'll continue later. Now where's that Scotch?

Apparently someone has been smoking crack during their Big Apple visit.

We must celebrate your Blessed Event when it happens.

Position has a lot to do with it. Try keeping one foot on the floor.

Some obstacles are insurmountable. Still, he's a good man, that's what matters.

Hey it could be worse, at least all the R's we have had are GS's. Imagine if they were RT's? What would the neighbors think? Oh, the thought of it. Makes me count my lucky GS's.

So we decend upon the cabin, unload the goods, and FTB proceeds to show off his culinary skills. Yak testicles, baby corn cobs, artichokes, baked beans, and beer. What's for dinner.

Tobacco and Scotch for dessert. Man, it's a tough life staying up till 2:00a.m. shooting more bullshit than a used car salesman on Sunday, but we somehow pulled it off.

Then the sun came up. Early. And it hurt.

The troops were ready for brekkie, despite my best efforts to lull them into dull complacency with home roast coffee. So off we rode into the morning mist to a local establishment which, by pure coincidence, has it's Corporate HQ right there in Bethel.



No food shots here as the locals were staring at us the whole time and somehow making FYYFF with my hashbrowns and taking a pic didn't seem like a good idea. But the homemade bread was good. And FTB took a liking to our waitress with the blue eye shadow. A real cutie. She kept refilling his coffee cup every 2 minutes. Poor FTB.

Pissed...no. Beers...well...yes.

Hi GSGirl...it only got worse from there! I will get a chance to meet you at Max's on Saturday, I think. My wife needs to pick up some gear before we head off to Europe for our Edelweiss tour...

BTW, Cromag told me you are really dead set against doing an Edelweiss tour...especially in Africa. He said you'd hate it...

Oh that figures. I been bustin' my ass at that damn place (Max's) for the last 4 weekends. The next 2, I am off. CroMag & I are heading this weekend to Chicago for some fun and next weekend to CT for some riding with some friends.

I got the best arrangement at Max's. I basically work whenever I want. Or, it's more like...I need a new set of goodies for my bike, better go work it off!

In any case, sorry I will miss you guys. For any gear, get with John. He can helps you guys out !

Sorry we're going to miss you. Hope you and Cromag have fun out on the road!

I concur, the man knows his stuff.

But better yet - For a real good deal, just find some old stuff, tell him it leaks and that you are supposed to be in Maine in a of couple hours...

So after brekkie and 8 cups of coffee, we gallop off in search of 40,000 Kilowatt power generation. And FTB was in search of coffee. As we cruised into Rumford Falls, I could hear the sound of what I thought was my digestive system, but turned out to be the Pennacook Falls (highest waterfall east of the Niagara, no less).




One of the Abanaki tribes used to camp here, fish for salmon, and erect odd metal silouhettes of themselves performing unnatural acts. mac62 went in for a closer look, mostly curious as to why this squaw was inserting a giant PEZ dispenser with a human head into her crotch. Must be a Maine thing.




Of course, being ADV Riders, we hadn't seen flowing water before, so we dutifully moved from the parked machines all the way to the far end of the parking lot. This ensured we got a good view and the couple sitting in the Hyundai Sonata did not. fyyff, as we say.



The bikes enjoyed the view as well. My thoughts on this subject were somewhat unclear as all this running water only reminded me of the 1.2 gallons of coffee I had consumed at brekkie.



The paved road thing became unsatisfying as we ventured up Route 17 looking for moose droppings and more coffee. The dirt road conditions were unknown so k2ride and ButterBall, beings accomplished Quebec Rally Racers, went ahead to recon the road. 1.5 hours later, Airhead was getting that look on his face again.



To pass the time, I decided to take some photos of our toys for posterity. Here is Airhead's PD, a mint condition work of art. Too bad he's not going to be around for a few weeks while traveling. We will have to chip in and ride it for him. Anything to help a brother.



Driller's ride is another fine machine set up for romping the backroads of New England. Turns out to be a very capable refuse hauler as we loaded the 15 bags of empties from the party onto his steed for transport. Amazing.



FreetheBeast's GS Adventure made quite the contrast to some of the other bikes. Nice setup with tons of gadgets and GPS system with WorldCoffeeShop basemap loaded. He even had "Got Coffee?" in Chinese decals applied to the beak, just in case of caffeine emergency in foreign lands.



Unknown Don's Moto Guzzi is another work of art, although he secretly wants a GS. mac62's V-Strom wants to be a 1200GS. Complete with faulty fuel gage. This is the parting photo as we heard the return of k2ride and BB, thereby signaling us to abandon U.Don and mac for dirt unknown.



ButterBall's ride was the awesome Honda. Stripped down and ready to rock off road. He even took off the electric starter to save weight, which explains the extra large right leg on k2ride. We all gave BB a hard time, but secretly wished we had such a cool ride for the dirt. FTB is puzzled at the lack of fuel gage on this machine and why the plastic tank is translucent.



k2ride's ride. The Magnificent 950 Adventure, complete with anti-gravity tachyon transmitters, as we witnessed his ability to rocket over some SERIOUS wash outs and ditches that, ahem, were swallowing some of the other bikes. Everyone's but mine.



At about this location, we were passing a huge lake and the fresh Mongolian spring air was full of the aroma of rutting moose.



Evidently, the locals enjoy this hidden spot to blow off some steam. Favorite pasttime is burning through 4 boxes of 12-gage shells, 4-5 cases of beer, and some indistinguishable carcasses. Of the last ADV group to ride through here. We opt for the group photo to show mac62 and U. Don how much we missed them. 12-gage Salute.



Being the slow sweeper has it's advantages. As the others blasted off, I took my time to enjoy the roses. Happened upon a young mooseling, stopped to grab a photo. About the time the camera was ready, I heard the sound of Momma Moose. Got a look at her head emerging from the forest and decided it was not a good time to chat. She was not in the mood for pics. Upon catching up to the others, I noticed the new ADV Mobile Transport Vehicle, which we had lost the night before, was relocated. This was literally in the middle of nowhere. Another mystery of Maine.



Last group photo I took as the gang gathered for orientation just before ordering lunch at the Raw Pizza Bar. Odd that everytime we were looking at maps and planning routes, someone always suggested that I take a picture or go for a walk.



This is the only known picture of a gentleman that has graced us with his presence, crossing over from the Moto Guzzi universe, to see what all this ADV Rider fuss is about. Where he is from, where he is going, and how the hell he got here is unknown. It's a Mystery Moto Guzzi Maine thing.



Another weekend wasted with a bunch of whack jobs forcing me to ride around aimlessly without purpose. Riding, eating, drinking, laughing, frog tossing, and gas fetching. Driller, k2Ride, Butterball, FreetheBeast, mac62, Unknown Don, DoctorIT, and Airhead, thanks a lot.

And thanks to you, Cromag! Great ride report...reading it was almost as much fun as actual being there...minus the moose musk!

We'll have to do it again soon...

Otra Vez, Si!

In my morning haze, it took about 5 minutes to figure out why the heck you guys all had long red fingers...





good report Cromag. It really makes me appreciate that while you guys were having fun, I was taking a 6 hour power shower