The BEST Continental Divide ride report EVER!

[NCD]

Day 4
Shelby, MT to Seeley Lake, MT
280 Miles

It was a relief to wake up this morning knowing that the multi-day SLABtacular was behind me. It was really quite fun to actually steer my bike today, instead of just droning along in a straight line! But I needed to make a quick visit to Canada to make the ride official. I headed north to the nearest border crossing. I slowed as I approached the entry point, and stopped face to face with a Canadian border guard.

Guard: Hello sir, and welcome to Canada.
Me: Thank you. May I proceed?
Perhaps. Before you may access our country, you need to correctly recite the lyrics to fellow Canadian Bryan Adam's classic rock hit, "Cuts Like a Knife."
What? You are kidding me, right?
Kidding? I don't know what you are talking a boot.
A boot? What does my footwear have to do with anything?
Please begin the lyrics sir, or turn your machine around and return the the USA.
I don't know the lyrics. But I can air drum Rush's "Tom Sawyer" to like 98% accuracy. Does that count?
Everyone in Canada can do that sir. It's part of the 6th grade proficiency exam.
Dammit. Well f*ck you and your stupid metric system then!

Canada. What kind of backwards country uses the metric system anyway? Dividing by 10? How ridiculous. Why can't they just add 1/8 to 35/64 like a real country. Idiots. I bet they are the only dumbwads that use metric anyway.

All of this is to say that I didn't bother going up to the border. But while I was bored on the highway, I thought of the above wierd dialogue and decided to add it here for flavor. See, I can't be trusted. I told you.

So it was time to head west to and through Glacier National Park. After about an hours ride that morning, America revealed her delicious mounds to me:





I felt a presence behind me, and turned around. I think the adventure is starting to come together now:



After entering the park, the Going-to-the-Sun road climbs and winds it's way up and over the pass. (The road never reaches the sun, f*cking liars.) The scenery totally sucks nuts all the way:





At the top, there is a busy visitor center. I took a picture of the informational sign up there, but the photo did not come out. I can remember verbatim what it said though:

Welcome to historic Glacier National Park. The road you are on was created in 1956 as a safe passage upon which to travel over the pass. However, in 1989 the United States government uncovered evidence of universal healthcare, Molson, and hockey sticks being illegally transferred into the US via the large glacier descending from Canada into the parks boundaries. The best and brightest minds were gathered to assess the problem, and the only solution that was considered valid was an attempt to raise the temperature of the earth's atmosphere enough to begin melting the glacier, and stopping it's progress. Large trucks and SUV's were then manufactured, sold, and deployed all over the country in order to put the plan in motion. It was coined Operation Global Warming, and it's effects can still be felt worldwide, as the plan was a enormous success - altogether halting the horrid influx.

As the glacier melts and releases it's cargo, you can actually hear Celine Dion's voice echoing throughout the canyon walls. It's eerie:









Exiting GNP. Like I said, the scenery sucks nuts:



So, after 1920.4 miles, my front tire finally hits dirt/gravel on the actual CDR route south of Kalispell. It's clearly happy about that. (Don't mind the herp derp one on the bottom. There is at least one of those guys on every tire. It's best to just ignore him:



It takes a few miles to get your gravel "legs" back after all the pavement, but before you know it, you're hangin' your ass end out through the corners, and all is well:







May I suggest you camp on the west side of Seeley Lake, in Seeley Lake Campground. Quiet, scenic, and bears didn't eat me. Those were my main camping concerns. Maybe not in that order.



Disclaimer: You may have noticed some anti-Canada sentiment in the preceding text. I'm sorry Canada. I'm just joking around. I met many of your residents on my trip, and they were all very nice. And I personally prefer the metric system. Please don't get revenge on me when I do the Trans-Lab someday.

[superdutyGS]

I must me in the 6 % group. I busted up laughing at the first picture of the fat kid on the bench, then again at the first map. Keep up the good work.

[singletrackrider]

You forgot to take a food picture.For some stupid reason people think they have to throw those in.

[DSM8]

Originally Posted by singletrackrider

You forgot to take a food picture.For some stupid reason people think they have to throw those in.

Taken care of.

[Mr Head]

+1
I'm in.

Originally Posted by Cannonshot

This is looking pretty good!

[dogmoon]

Im gonna watch this.

[Dave Bell]

Originally Posted by NCD

Day 4
Shelby, MT to Seeley Lake, MT
280 Miles

It was a relief to wake up this morning knowing that the multi-day SLABtacular was behind me. It was really quite fun to actually steer my bike today, instead of just droning along in a straight line! But I needed to make a quick visit to Canada to make the ride official. I headed north to the nearest border crossing. I slowed as I approached the entry point, and stopped face to face with a Canadian border guard.

Guard: Hello sir, and welcome to Canada.
Me: Thank you. May I proceed?
Perhaps. Before you may access our country, you need to correctly recite the lyrics to fellow Canadian Bryan Adam's classic rock hit, "Cuts Like a Knife."
What? You are kidding me, right?
Kidding? I don't know what you are talking a boot.
A boot? What does my footwear have to do with anything?
Please begin the lyrics sir, or turn your machine around and return the the USA.
I don't know the lyrics. But I can air drum Rush's "Tom Sawyer" to like 98% accuracy. Does that count?
Everyone in Canada can do that sir. It's part of the 6th grade proficiency exam.
Dammit. Well f*ck you and your stupid metric system then!

Canada. What kind of backwards country uses the metric system anyway? Dividing by 10? How ridiculous. Why can't they just add 1/8 to 35/64 like a real country. Idiots. I bet they are the only dumbwads that use metric anyway.

All of this is to say that I didn't bother going up to the border. But while I was bored on the highway, I thought of the above wierd dialogue and decided to add it here for flavor. See, I can't be trusted. I told you.

So it was time to head west to and through Glacier National Park. After about an hours ride that morning, America revealed her delicious mounds to me:





I felt a presence behind me, and turned around. I think the adventure is starting to come together now:



After entering the park, the Going-to-the-Sun road climbs and winds it's way up and over the pass. (The road never reaches the sun, f*cking liars.) The scenery totally sucks nuts all the way:





At the top, there is a busy visitor center. I took a picture of the informational sign up there, but the photo did not come out. I can remember verbatim what it said though:

Welcome to historic Glacier National Park. The road you are on was created in 1956 as a safe passage upon which to travel over the pass. However, in 1989 the United States government uncovered evidence of universal healthcare, Molson, and hockey sticks being illegally transferred into the US via the large glacier descending from Canada into the parks boundaries. The best and brightest minds were gathered to assess the problem, and the only solution that was considered valid was an attempt to raise the temperature of the earth's atmosphere enough to begin melting the glacier, and stopping it's progress. Large trucks and SUV's were then manufactured, sold, and deployed all over the country in order to put the plan in motion. It was coined Operation Global Warming, and it's effects can still be felt worldwide, as the plan was a enormous success - altogether halting the horrid influx.

As the glacier melts and releases it's cargo, you can actually hear Celine Dion's voice echoing throughout the canyon walls. It's eerie:









Exiting GNP. Like I said, the scenery sucks nuts:



So, after 1920.4 miles, my front tire finally hits dirt/gravel on the actual CDR route south of Kalispell. It's clearly happy about that. (Don't mind the herp derp one on the bottom. There is at least one of those guys on every tire. It's best to just ignore him:



It takes a few miles to get your gravel "legs" back after all the pavement, but before you know it, you're hangin' your ass end out through the corners, and all is well:







May I suggest you camp on the west side of Seeley Lake, in Seeley Lake Campground. Quiet, scenic, and bears didn't eat me. Those were my main camping concerns. Maybe not in that order.



Disclaimer: You may have noticed some anti-Canada sentiment in the preceding text. I'm sorry Canada. I'm just joking around. I met many of your residents on my trip, and they were all very nice. And I personally prefer the metric system. Please don't get revenge on me when I do the Trans-Lab someday.

I'm stealing some of your pictures to make my ride report look better. Thanks, dude. Hope I remember to give you credit, but I probably won't.

[NCD]

Originally Posted by Dave Bell

I'm stealing some of your pictures to make my ride report look better. Thanks, dude. Hope I remember to give you credit, but I probably won't.

Yo .... don't quote entire posts with all of the pictures! That's a nOOb move. And, no you may not use my pictures, take your own. Now I'm going to have to make fun of Texas because of you.

[sc-razor]

Originally Posted by NCD

Now I'm going to have to make fun of Texas because of you.

Too easy, but yell if you need any help. Fun report by the way. Please continue

[pinocono]

Originally Posted by NCD

Yo .... don't quote entire posts with all of the pictures! That's a nOOb move. And, no you may not use my pictures, take your own. Now I'm going to have to make fun of Texas because of you.

Hey! I love Texas! Texas would be perfect if it weren't for all the f*cking Texans!

[odendaal56]

think u should stop by in africa to realy appreciate the f word , u live in overdeveloped world-hope to see u on this continent too

[MaxEpr]

I'm a worshiper at the Cannonshot alter and made the "journey to meca following his trax" Sign me up this thread looks interesting. Is your BMW jacket actually lined with whale foreskin or is that a myth?

[NCD]

Originally Posted by MaxEpr

Is your BMW jacket actually lined with whale foreskin or is that a myth?

Not a myth. That's true. In fact, the whale foreskin was actually taken from my own penis.

[NCD]

Day 5
Seeley Lake to Wise River, MT
275 Miles

After waking up and sighing with relief at not getting eaten by bears, I noticed it was cold. Real frigging cold:



The roads today varied from flat out haulin' ass gravel domination, to slow 1st gear crawls over some pretty beat up routes. A local confirmed that the roads are bad in spots this year, due to the extra heavy snowfall and subsequent melt and flooding runoff. But bad in ADV terms means good, and the rough sections were a blast.







That said, you notice how there are never pics of the rough stuff? It's cause they creep up on you, and you are too busy keeping piggy upright.





Rode on and off today with a married couple from Ontario, and we exchanged some short conversations surrounding the trail. We were all having a blast. Although there was one section that I was cooking along just fine until a rock shot into my helmet near my ear (had my shield up with sunglasses on.) Damn that hurt. Damn, that REALLY hurts. Fffffuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuccccccccccckkkkkkkkkkk thats a bee stinging the beejeezus out of my right ear!!!!!! That said, there were a LOT of bees along the route for some reason. If you are allergic, I would suggest that you bring those pen things or whatever you weaklings use. Actually, if a bee can take you out, there is no way you are manly enough for this ride. Stay home. I just happen to be genetically perfect, and take my place right on top of the food chain were I belong. Bees schmees.



For you city folks: This is what a cheeseburger looks like before it hatches:





Later in the day, I came across these 3 guys from B.C. (the Canadian province, not the time period you dummy.)



Talk about desperate measures. They were zip-tying the right footpeg back on the bike. Zip tie + footpeg = not a long term solution. I hope all worked out for the best, as I don't think we were too far from real help and tools at this point on the trail:



Mile after mile today of blissful, scenery rich, traffic free riding. You should try it someday soon:









North of Butte, you pass old decaying structures from money making days long forgotten. Very cool stuff:



Also north of Butte, you get to rock the old frontage road/railroad bed, while all the schleps in cars are stuck on I15:





After heading south from Wise River, stop at Little Joe Campground. Only 5 sites, alongside a burbling creek and river. Peaceful.



Except for one thing. There was only one other camper in the campground, and he was a very nice ex-government type, and we chatted it up a bit abould all sorts of different topics. He had been coming to this area for over 30 years, and assured me that there would be no bear problems tonight. He thought it was all just hype. But then he proceeded to tell me how he had himself shot and killed 2 of the oldest bears in Montana because of the harm they were causing. Ummm, I thought the bears weren't a problem? He reassured me about the bears. I would be fine tonight. "Its the wolves that kill stuff. Oh, and really watch out for the rattlesnakes. They are everywhere." Damn you! (Did I mention yet that this is a solo ride - as in by myself?)

Disclaimer: I meant no offense to people with allergies. I'm sure that allergies make life a bitch for you. You should kick your parents for giving you bad genes. I will wait here a minute while you go do that...............) But really, there were a lot of bees when I stopped, so be (bee) prepared if you need to.

Almost forgot. At one of my gas stops, there were retro-looking signs for sale, with snarky sayings on them. I found them delightful. Here's one:

[Daleah]

You sir, are Hilarious!

love the pictures, love the comments.