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Old 11-02-2011, 12:10 PM   #31
notmybikemodelname OP
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Tomorrow, I have a story of Mexico, yacht racing, alcohol abuse, bad decisions, loud filthy mouthed broads in jacuzzis, Blackhawk Helicopters, 450' guided missile frigates and a pissed off pregnant wife.

Yes Herrhelmet, that one! You remember.
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Old 11-02-2011, 01:09 PM   #32
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Nothing to see, move along. Oh ya, Betty!
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Old 11-02-2011, 01:15 PM   #33
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Originally Posted by notmybikemodelname View Post
Tomorrow, I have a story of Mexico, yacht racing, alcohol abuse, bad decisions, loud filthy mouthed broads in jacuzzis, Blackhawk Helicopters, 450' guided missile frigates and a pissed off pregnant wife.

Yes Herrhelmet, that one! You remember.
that was all on 1 trip
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Old 11-03-2011, 12:02 PM   #34
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In 2005, I did my 20th Newport to Ensenada Yacht Race and my 9th on my boat Allegiance, pictured below.

This picture was taken about 4pm on the afternoon of this race.



The start day was Friday April 23rd, 2005 and it was like any of the other 19 starts for this race that I've ever done. The crew and I were drunk before we left the dock in Alamitos Bay Marina in Long Beach. In the 24 mile delivery down to Newport we continued to drink and laugh.

Our start was stellar that day with us leaving the line tied for first. We had noticed that all of the other boats were charging the line high towards the weather committee boat so we hung low on the line realizing that the wind was more Southerly than normal, giving even the low end of the line clear air. We stayed low of the fleet for the rest of the day which gave us the ability to charge high and take up the other boats when the wind switched around to a North Westerly. Just as planned, the wind switched and we spent all day taking boats up and leaving them in our wake of beer filled burps and farts. We felt good and continued to drink....

OK, OK! Let's skip through the next 18 hours to the finish. We finished aorund noon the next day, and continued to drink. We then took a water taxi to shore and continued to drink.....through Sunday into Monday

Fast forward to Monday morning. As we were leaving Ensenada Harbor my engine was running poorly. So we put up the sails and continued to sail home. I went down inside and pulled the fuel filter and noticed that my fuel was full of water. Just as we were clearing the point next to Hotel Coral and Marina, I realized that I did not feel like sailing home, or maybe I did not feel like the party should end. Afterall, in four more days it would be the weekend. So, I blurted out, "Hey you guys, let's go to the Hotel Coral and get a slip and sit in the jacuzzi, have dinner and drink some more." No one thought that was a bad idea.

So we arrive in the marina, get a slip and then go to the jacuzzi. There we find some drunk loud mouth bitch and her pussy husband arguing about something. Don't know, don't care. After a while we get sick of hearing the shit, and someone says, "why don't you two shut up or get out". I believe that was my brother. The girl, not the guy starts going crazy and getting in everyone's face. She was drunk and her breath stank like fish and tequila. After about 15 minutes of us taunting her and making fun of him, me not being the one to shut down a good time said to the guy, "why don't you take your loud mouth bitch out of here before we have to drown her". Stuff gets crazy at this point, but someone, maybe me, said, "get her out of here before we tear your arm off and beat her over the head with it". About this time the hotel management showed up and kicked them out of the pool. I believe later we ended up in the inside pool and jacuzzi where somehow all of the furniture ended up in the pool and we got kicked out. I honestly don't think it was us who threw it in though....but I could be wrong, afterall I was drunk.

So the next morning we wake up from our drunken stupors and I "think" I have the motor fixed, so we leave and head home towards San Diego. Well it turns out the motor was not fixed, but luckily the wind comes up and we have a good 8 knot sail home, once again drinking the whole way. Around 5pm as we near the US border and we're about 15 miles offhsore, one of the crew, Ron Wood (A Pro Rally driver) says, "hey check out that helicopter". Just as he says that a warm whoosh of wind blows past my face coming from the wrong direction and the howl of churning rotor blades breaks the normal sound of a North Westerly. As I peer over my shoulder I spy an airman sitting on the edge of an open Black Hawk helicopter moving along with us and only about 150 feet away. Hte airman was intensely staring at us from his perch. I was thinking, "WOW, we are sailing so awesome that even the Navy wants to get up close and see us". They continue to follow us for about 15 minutes and then that awesomeness is broken by the crackling of our ship to shore radio. Jim (Herrhemet on ADV) says, Hey Rob, I think someone is calling us. He goes below to retrieve the radio and all I hear from Jim is, "This is the vessel Allegiance", then silence. Then I hear, "Yes, he's here". and then silence. Silence is never good. Then Jim says to me, "Hey Rob it's for you". So I'm expecting my mom, or my uncle, or someone selling windows, but not this. I take the radio from Jim and hand over the helm to him and go below so I could hear over the prop wash of the helicopter "Is this Rob Seymour, Skipper of the vessel Allegiance?" I reply, "Yes it is". Then the voice on the other side says, "This is Capt watchamacallit of the USS Guided Missile Frigate something or other. I was thinking, who the hell is fucking with me. Which one of my friends would do this, or even know how to do this, or even break the Maritime law by posing as an officer of the Navy? The only person I knew that could, or would do this was with me. I stared out the hatch to be sure that Jim was not holding another radio. He wasn't.

So at this point I start shitting my pants. I say cautiously, "how can I help you"? Capt watchamacallit says, "We have received a missing vessel report on your boat and crew, is everything OK?" I say, "yes". He then says like a buddy I stayed out all night drinking with, "Your wife is pissed off and you better call her". OH SHIT!

So about an hour later we're in cell range and I suck my balls up into my throat and make the call. Here's what I heard. "WHERETHEFUCKAREYOU, WHYTHEFUCKDIDN'TYOUCALLME, YOUKNOWNONEKNOWSWHERETHEHELLYOUARE, WHETHERYOU'REDEADORNOT,SUSANISLOOKINGFORJIMANDSHE' SWORRIEDTODEATHASWELL.
THENAVYANDCOASTGUARDHAVEBEENLOOKINGFORYOUFORHOURS.
BOK,BOK,BOK,BOK,BOKBOK,BOK,BOK.................... .................................................. .....

I replied, "we were in Mexico................the engine broke down, so we stayed another night to fix it.................."

WHYDIDN'TYOUCALLME? YOUDON'TGIVEASHITABOUTME. YOUKNOWPHONESWORKINMEXICOTOO?
BOK,BOK,BOK,BOK,BOK,BOK,BOK,BOK................... .........................................

I had no reply. You know why? Because there's no reasoning with a pregant woman. Yep, my wife was a few months pregant with our first child and the hormones were a flowing, BIG time!

So in the end, after she setlted down a bit, I said, "Babe, were going to need a ride home from San Diego tonight when we reach port and after we clear customs. So the next thing I hear is "CLICK".

We arrive into San Diego around midnight and clear customs and get laughed at by the customs officials who knew and had heard about the whole thing. One of them even told me that he hoped my boat was comfortable, because I was going to living on it when my wife dicorced me. It's not comfortable. It's actually been called "the Slave Ship". And this was by a friend of mine (Hoover) who did two years in Boron. He said his jail cell was more comfortable.

So I summon the courage to make another phone call to my pregnant hormone filled wife at around 12:30 am to ask her to come down to SD to pick us up.

She begrudgingly agrees, I believe becasue she liked the people I was with and didn't want to see them have to endure my antics any further. But in actuality, I think it was so that she did not have to wait to yell at me some more. She arrives in about 1:30, her mother in tow. That's never good.

It took no longer than 30 seconds for us to load up all of the crew's bags in the car, and then I said, "See you all later, I'm staying here". There was no fucken way I was getting in that car with my wife for a 1:30 torture fest all the way back to LB. Jim said that although my wife said not one word on the "trail of tears" drive, my mother-in-law never shut up.

This was another stupid thing that NotmyBike....did.

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Old 11-03-2011, 12:27 PM   #35
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So, what you're trying to say is that it would have been a perfect experience if it weren't for the women.


Go figure.
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Old 11-03-2011, 12:30 PM   #36
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So, what you're trying to say is that it would have been a perfect experience if it weren't for the women.


Go figure.
Never thought of it that way, but
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Old 11-03-2011, 01:29 PM   #37
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Cool2 My story

After finishing another grueling 50 mile bike ride from Rosarito to Ensenada in 2005, I found myself in a drunken stooper in front of a street vendor eating a seafood cocktail with a drunk whore in tote. I gave the bitch a few bucks to get a bottle of ta-kill-ya and we stumbled off to my hotel, the "Coral". The ho, not willing to shagg me until she extracts every last dollar from my pocket, says, lets go to the jacuzzi. So there we are, soaking and f--king in the tub when who shows up but these fking drunk sailers, talking shite and disrupting a decent screw. These f--ks are talking so much crap about some race down here and how they kicked everyones ass and I can see their half sunken junk tied up to the slip and beer cases floating all over the place. Now I'm thinking "this isn't going to end well"! Those aholes pissed off my whore so bad that she tossed the contents of her fat belly all over them. I'll leave the contents up to your imagination! Now I'm really pissed, what a waste of good te-kill-ya and my sprunt, so I rip the sack off the only bloke that actually had one and start bashing them in the head with it (sorry Jim). The hotel manager shows up and asks me to stop. Says he'll take care of the f--ks. Sometime later I wake up to a huge headace and my ho is tossing all the furniture off the balcone into the indoor pool those drunks have invaded. That piece of shoot manager didn't have his sack either, so he just moved those aholes to the inside pool. At this point I said F this shit and went back to Anthony's for a new whore and bottle.

Fuck you Rob, you owe me a bottle and a screw!!!
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Old 11-03-2011, 01:51 PM   #38
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Originally Posted by Klammer View Post
After finishing another grueling 50 mile bike ride from Rosarito to Ensenada in 2005, I found myself in a drunken stooper in front of a street vendor eating a seafood cocktail with a drunk whore in tote. I gave the bitch a few bucks to get a bottle of ta-kill-ya and we stumbled off to my hotel, the "Coral". The ho, not willing to shagg me until she extracts every last dollar from my pocket, says, lets go to the jacuzzi. So there we are, soaking and f--king in the tub when who shows up but these fking drunk sailers, talking shite and disrupting a decent screw. These f--ks are talking so much crap about some race down here and how they kicked everyones ass and I can see their half sunken junk tied up to the slip and beer cases floating all over the place. Now I'm thinking "this isn't going to end well"! Those aholes pissed off my whore so bad that she tossed the contents of her fat belly all over them. I'll leave the contents up to your imagination! Now I'm really pissed, what a waste of good te-kill-ya and my sprunt, so I rip the sack off the only bloke that actually had one and start bashing them in the head with it (sorry Jim). The hotel manager shows up and asks me to stop. Says he'll take care of the f--ks. Sometime later I wake up to a huge headace and my ho is tossing all the furniture off the balcone into the indoor pool those drunks have invaded. That piece of shoot manager didn't have his sack either, so he just moved those aholes to the inside pool. At this point I said F this shit and went back to Anthony's for a new whore and bottle.

Fuck you Rob, you owe me a bottle and a screw!!!


Hey Rich, the first time I met you I thought you looked familiar. So that's how the whole thing went down? Like I said I was drunk.......................

I love Anthony's. Short story.

So in 2003, as I finished the Ensenada Race, my wife and her friend also named Leslie show up and meet us at the dock when we finished at about midnight. They tell us they found a great bar and had been there all day an night. She drags me and the crew to Anthony's. I had one question, "where was my cut?"

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Old 11-03-2011, 03:33 PM   #39
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notmybikemodelname doesn't always drink beer, but when he does, he drinks dos equis...

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Old 11-03-2011, 03:54 PM   #40
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notmybikemodelname doesn't always drink beer, but when he does, he drinks dos equis...

Stay thirsty my friend...
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Old 11-03-2011, 04:10 PM   #41
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KOTW is a myth!
 
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Seriously, Come on? really? This thread has had over 1000 hits in less than 48 hours, or an average of one hit every 34.72222 seconds. Someone has to have some good stories about Stupid Shit they've done. THis is a thread of the people, Stupid People, and whether you admit it or not, YOU ARE STUPID! So post up.

My next story is a ditty about Titty bars, 19 year old Mormon snow boarders from Iowa, Dom Perignon, funny strippers and my friend Hoover. He's the one who spent time in Boron in my last story.
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Old 11-03-2011, 06:02 PM   #42
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Wilma.
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Old 11-03-2011, 06:39 PM   #43
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Quote:
Originally Posted by notmybikemodelname View Post
Seriously, Come on? really? This thread has had over 1000 hits in less than 48 hours, or an average of one hit every 34.72222 seconds. Someone has to have some good stories about Stupid Shit they've done. THis is a thread of the people, Stupid People, and whether you admit it or not, YOU ARE STUPID! So post up.

My next story is a ditty about Titty bars, 19 year old Mormon snow boarders from Iowa, Dom Perignon, funny strippers and my friend Hoover. He's the one who spent time in Boron in my last story.
I got arrested once for driving a car with no front tires

(excuse the punctuation & spelling)

My best friend from high school called me early in the morning one day and said he needed some help pushing a car out into the street so pick a part could tow it away
So I jump in my car and run over to his house and theres a really nice late 70's (I think was a 1978) Monte Carlo sitting there with no front tires just rims and the engine was sitting where the front passenger seat should have been
so I say why are you getting rid of it? He says his grandma gave it to him because it wasn't running good, so he checked it out and figured out the intake manifold gasket was bad, but he didn't have enough room to keep it at his parents house or time to work on it anymore
So I said my brother needs a car, he said If I get it out of here before pick a part shows up I can have it
I lived about 3 blocks away so we concocted a plan where he would push me to the hill at the end of his street then I would coast it down the hill and around the corner then he would tow me using his Toyota Land Cruiser the rest of the way.
sounded good to me
I got to the bottom of the hill OK, but as I went through the STOP sign and around the corner with sparks flying off the rims there just happened to be a cop coming from the other way who immediatly threw on his lights and sirens whipped a U Turn and pulled behind me
As my coasting speed with the engine sitting next to me was approximately 1 MPH at that point I quickly did the math in my head and figured that gave me roughly ZERO chance of running for it

so I got out of the car and started walking back towards the cop thats when he pulled his gun and told me to stop right there and put my hands on the car
This was about the same time my friend pulled around the corner with his Land Cruiser to hook me up and finish towing me the rest of the way
but seeing that I was busy at the moment he just kept on driving by
so now I get the pleasure of trying to attempt to explain all by myself: where I stole this car from, why I don't have a drivers license, why I was tearing up his street and what the Fuck was I trying to do to
All to no avail, eventually he gave me some nice chrome bracelets and put me in the back of his car then my friend pulls up and explains what happened and that it was his grandmothers car (thankfully he had the signed pink slip with him) but I think all that did was keep me from getting charged with grand theft auto
anyways being that I wasn't experienced at being a criminal my 1 phone call was to my boss telling him I was going to take the day off cause I needed to help someone take care of a few things
This turned out to be a bad choice cause now I finally start to think how was I going to get out of Jail ? Well maybe my friend will call my parents and tell them what happened
yep exactly as I thought my friend called my parents unfortunately he just kept asking if I was home yet eventually 8 hours later my parents suspecting something was up quized my friend and got him to fess up to what had happened
so they finally showed up and bailed me out
I think it was $ 300 bail + $ 100 something to get the car out of impound so I told my dad he can have the car and we can call it even, he agreed
He fixed the car up and drove it about 10 years
My brother who I wanted to get the car for never got to drive it

I cant remember what all of the 7 or 8 charges were but the ones I remember were

damaging a public highway
reckless driving
failure to stop for a stop sign
driving without a drivers license
something about driving a car without it being in gear
driving an unregistered vehicle

anyways I got another friend's dad who was a lawyer to come to court with me and he explained that since I was an experienced race car driver that had drivin cars without tires before it was not reckless driving this got the whole court room to get the giggles then he told the Judge that I would agree to plead guilty to failure to stop for a stop sign
Judge threw down the Gavel and said $250 plus court fees I'm thinking WTF holy crap how did you do that?
My friends dad says I went to law school with him

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Old 11-03-2011, 07:48 PM   #44
notmybikemodelname OP
KOTW is a myth!
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by airborndad View Post
I got arrested once for driving a car with no front tires

(excuse the punctuation & spelling)

My best friend from high school called me early in the morning one day and said he needed some help pushing a car out into the street so pick a part could tow it away
So I jump in my car and run over to his house and theres a really nice late 70's (I think was a 1978) Monte Carlo sitting there with no front tires just rims and the engine was sitting where the front passenger seat should have been
so I say why are you getting rid of it? He says his grandma gave it to him because it wasn't running good, so he checked it out and figured out the intake manifold gasket was bad, but he didn't have enough room to keep it at his parents house or time to work on it anymore
So I said my brother needs a car, he said If I get it out of here before pick a part shows up I can have it
I lived about 3 blocks away so we concocted a plan where he would push me to the hill at the end of his street then I would coast it down the hill and around the corner then he would tow me using his Toyota Land Cruiser the rest of the way.
sounded good to me
I got to the bottom of the hill OK, but as I went through the STOP sign and around the corner with sparks flying off the rims there just happened to be a cop coming from the other way who immediatly threw on his lights and sirens whipped a U Turn and pulled behind me
As my coasting speed with the engine sitting next to me was approximately 1 MPH at that point I quickly did the math in my head and figured that gave me roughly ZERO chance of running for it

so I got out of the car and started walking back towards the cop thats when he pulled his gun and told me to stop right there and put my hands on the car
This was about the same time my friend pulled around the corner with his Land Cruiser to hook me up and finish towing me the rest of the way
but seeing that I was busy at the moment he just kept on driving by
so now I get the pleasure of trying to attempt to explain all by myself: where I stole this car from, why I don't have a drivers license, why I was tearing up his street and what the Fuck was I trying to do to
All to no avail, eventually he gave me some nice chrome bracelets and put me in the back of his car then my friend pulls up and explains what happened and that it was his grandmothers car (thankfully he had the signed pink slip with him) but I think all that did was keep me from getting charged with grand theft auto
anyways being that I wasn't experienced at being a criminal my 1 phone call was to my boss telling him I was going to take the day off cause I needed to help someone take care of a few things
This turned out to be a bad choice cause now I finally start to think how was I going to get out of Jail ? Well maybe my friend will call my parents and tell them what happened
yep exactly as I thought my friend called my parents unfortunately he just kept asking if I was home yet eventually 8 hours later my parents suspecting something was up quized my friend and got him to fess up to what had happened
so they finally showed up and bailed me out
I think it was $ 300 bail + $ 100 something to get the car out of impound so I told my dad he can have the car and we can call it even, he agreed
He fixed the car up and drove it about 10 years
My brother who I wanted to get the car for never got to drive it

I cant remember what all of the 7 or 8 charges were but the ones I remember were

damaging a public highway
reckless driving
failure to stop for a stop sign
driving without a drivers license
something about driving a car without it being in gear
driving an unregistered vehicle

anyways I got another friend's dad who was a lawyer to come to court with me and he explained that since I was an experienced race car driver that had drivin cars without tires before it was not reckless driving this got the whole court room to get the giggles then he told the Judge that I would agree to plead guilty to failure to stop for a stop sign
Judge threw down the Gavel and said $250 plus court fees I'm thinking WTF holy crap how did you do that?
My friends dad says I went to law school with him
Sweet!

And there it is. Now doesn't that feel better?

And that was Stupid Thing that Airborndad did.........................
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Old 11-03-2011, 08:17 PM   #45
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Does riding with you count?
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