FODS = FJR Owners Dirt Squids

The following is a copy of a ride report on the FJR Forum I did on a ride I did with some friends in Moab, Utah is past weekend. Some of the main players:

HotRodZilla - AJ - Suzuki DRZ
Patch - Alex - KTM 510
yamafitter - Bill - Yamaha WR450F
Huron52 - Tom - Yamaha WR250R
Pam - Tom's wife
BeemerDons - Don - BMW GS that we wouldn't let ride with us since none of us were strong enough to pick that pig up out of the sand all day.

The following describes the carnage that ensued when you put FJR Owners that also own dirt bikes out in the desert:

After my mandatory reporting in at the local Tim Hortons on Saturday morning to collect my orders (and donuts) we pointed the dog sled west to pick up the other portion of the invasion force. By some quirk of nature I did not run into the usual 3 hour traffic jam across Toronto so I was way ahead of schedule by the time I reached Wingham so I decided to pull in to gather further supplies for the invasion fleet....



As I walked in to this particular armoury there was something very particular about this place. The first thing I spotted was a large flat panel TV which in itself is quite out of place for a Timmy's but was even stranger was there was no hockey being displayed. This is just wrong.
Add to this the fact that in the same area where was a fireplace and comfy lounge chairs. I was starting to think I had stumbled into a Starbucks instead. I went back outside to check but did not see any GS BMW's. Going back inside and checking the menu list the coffee was way too cheap to be a Starbucks so I went ahead and ordered my Grilled Cheese Panini & coffee....



With the new supplies in hand if was off the attempt to find Casa del Huron52. That clever Canuck had carefully camouflaged his location from the folks that provide the maps for the Toyota Nav System since Point Clark did not compute on the SUV's GPS. Neither the the town of Ripley which I have seen mentioned in the past.
Being a very clever Canuck myself I had a Plan B and determined that Tom was not quite clever enough to hide from Google Maps on my iPhone. With some triangulation between the iPhone and the SUV's Nav System I was able to pinpoint a location and soon found myself at Tom's doorstep....



Pam already had steak in the oven and we sat down for a great feed and planned out our clever invasion.

The next morning we had already had our landing craft carefully packed in the trailer and were thinking about leaving at daybreak ....



Unfortunately daybreak does not come to these parts till June so we set out for the border in the dark. Before making the front lines we needed another stop for more invasion supplies. The generals were holding a planning session at the corner table....



In honour of St Patty one of the planners was properly decked out.
A quick stop at the Duty Free to spare us any of that watered down Yankee swill and we crossed over the border. All documentation was in proper order so we cleared Homeland Security and were allowed to run amok in the Great US of A.

First stop was a stop at the first Cracker Barrel restaurant we came to to preform some intel....



Sorry but if Grits is the Yanks answer to Poutine then this is an epic fail!!! The rest of the grub was quite good....



Pam seemed to be enjoying herself....



We made excellent progress towards our objective but made a tactical error just before St Louis when we filled Tom's diesel truck with biodiesel. The truck is taking exception to this and while we re still making progress it is at a slightly diminished pace. Once we burn this crap off and get some proper go juice in the tank we hope to be back at full strength.....



We considered the most direct route via Denver and over the Loveland Pass but a check of the Loveland Pass road conditions on the internet put us back on my original plan to swing south through the Texas Panhandle and stay out of the mountain passes.

-to be continued-

We are so sick of seeing snow we thought we would come south for a while. When we checked road conditions around Loveland Pass it didn't look pretty and Tom's Ram Dually doesn't do snow. Without a set of chains we decided to be a wimp like the Zonies.

We just finished a steak at the Big Texan Steak Ranch in Amarillo TX...





We watched some fool try to put away a 72 oz steak in 50 minutes ....



No, that is a different fool (Tom).
The A Plan is to run through Albuquerque tomorrow around noon and head north and maybe make Moab or at least to Shiprock. We really did make great time today....



The run today even included a stop in Tulsa, OK for some excellent Mexican cuisine....





The lunch stop was excellent and put us back on the road and headed for steak in Cattle Country.
I was just on the phone with HotRodZilla and he is planning a defence against the Great White North Liberation Army invasion in Albuquerque. We Canadians are a pretty sly bunch however and he will probably sleep through our entire attack as we take over the South-West.

That night I went on the Ram Diesel forum and read up on the issues around using biodiesel. We don't have that shit in Ontario so we didn't know any better when we took on fuel at the last fuel stop on Sunday. The next morning the truck sorted itself out but we did have an engine trouble light on the dash until we were able to dilute enough of the biodiesel with the real thing. The truck is now back to normal and the engine trouble light is clear.
We are not completely sure if was the fuel that caused the issue or the very wet weather that night coming into St Louis but we will not be running any more biodiesel on this trip just to make sure.

We got off to another good start and headed up the road aways until the truck needed some more diesel. The gas station had a restaurant that was open for breakfast but no one was eating so we took a little trek off the highway into town and found a cafe that had a bunch of pickup trucks parked in front and a Texas State Trooper car. We took this as a good sign that the food would be good and we were not disappointed....



This omelette was big enough to feed the entire Great White North Liberation Army and then some. It tasted even better than it looks. So if you are ever in Northern Texas (though why you would because there is nothing there except for a couple of cows) and find yourself off of I40 west of Amarillo look for this place .....



After an hour of watching cows go by then scenery changed after crossing over into New Mexico and we got to watch rocks and scrub go by. By the time we reached Albuquerque Pam was having a serious case of shopping withdrawal. HotRodZilla had given us directions to his place so we packed up the entire Army and headed for some eats before letting Pam loose in the Old Town shopping area to run amok.
Pam put Tom to good use as a pack mule....



AJ had a little surprise for Pam however when he busted her for Shopping out of Season....



We got her bailed out of the county lockup and took off before she got us into any more trouble. I had checked out some rooms in Farmington that also had a hot tub for us and a Walmart right next door for Pam so we are bedding down for the night. We plan to make Moab in the morning and hopefully get an afternoon ride in so I can officially make this into a motorcycle related thread and not get busted by the powers that be for not being on-topic. However, given how this thread has gone so far I lost track of what exactly the topic is. I'm sure Bust will be along to straighten me out.

The Great White Liberation Army is steadily reaching its final objective. We are approaching from the south and will completely catch them off guard since who would think that Canadians would come from the South....



Tomorrow - Getting Dirt Bikes Dirty.

The Great White North Liberation Army is currently stalled in Farmington. The truck is currently being serviced at the Ram dealer for a leaking crank seal but the dealer here is a big Ram dealer and they have all the required parts and we will finish our assault on Moab later today. We will arrive in Moab just in time to attack the Microbrewery and make that our headquarters for the rest of the weekend.
We figure if we hold the microbrewery the rest of the town will fall in short order.

An army doesn't travel on an empty stomach.

While waiting on the truck we walked over to the local Starbucks. It was easy to find. All we had to do was look for all the GS BMW's...

Earlier in the day we walked over to Dad's Dinner for a short stack if hotcakes. What they lacked in height they more then made up for it in height.....



These things were bigger than a LP record. Since we had some time we went over to the Sears stores and checked out the Craftsman tool selection. We were looking for some tools that would be appropriate for Bust's use at the upcoming Tech Day.
We believe we found something*appropriate for a girlie man like Bust...



We finally got the truck serviced by the late afternoon and were on our way. The final part of the drive up Hwy 191 just south of Moab offered some fantastic scenery but the lighting was not good for photos. I would like to go back over the next few days if the weather co-operates and I can great some decent lighting to do the scenery justice.
Once we checked in we went back in town to start the main offensive on the Moab Microbrewery. Pam wasn't hungry so she just ordered this salad....



Tomorrow the bikes finally get out to play. For those that do not know FODS = FJR Owners Dirt Squids. I fully suspect that Don will prove this to be true.

From Ray on the FJR Forum.....

Welcome to the Command Center for the Great White North Liberation Army at the Moab RV Park......



We captured BackRoad Bob and after a short interrogation Bob gave us some ideas for a recon trip out to Chicken Corners to check out the area and do a short CBA run to get rid of the cobwebs since this would be the first ride for us since the snow started flying back home. Bob lent us his copy of the ATV quidebook and with some GPS co-ordinates we headed out...



Tom though we could forge this ditch but I wasn't so sure.....

]

Tom got this photo of me checking out the line around Chicken Corners....



It is call Chicken Corners because a chicken like Bungie would not go around this corner.
We next stopped at this spot so Tom could go behind this rock and water it to see if it would grow any bigger....



On our return Pam said we needed to go over there....



There being the Arches National Park. Pam forget to mention that while we were out riding she had been drinking tequila with Don, Donna, Joe, Cec and the rest of the Zonies...



-to be continued-

Actually Pam was fine, she was just sitting down to get a picture. We rugged Canadians hold tequila on par with baby formula.
We went to Arches National Park to view some amazing rock formations such as "Balanced Rock"....



and a number of natural rock arches hence the name of the park...





On our return to the RV Park we witnessed the return of Patch, HotRodZilla and Big-D. Patch & Zilla told us what a wimp Big-D was being out on the trail and Dan proceeded to prove them correct by riding over to where we were having a drink on this abomination...



It does not get much gheyer than that I'm afraid.

I forgot to add this one photo from the recon ride out to Chicken Corners....



and this was the track we followed out and back from the Great White North Liberation Army Headquarters....

Day Two of the MOAB ride and I left Tom who is more than capable of rounding up all the GS wimps and I headed out with Patch & HotRoadZilla to play in the rocks & the sand to the north of Moab. Big-D didn't come along with us since he got his WR all dusty the day before and ran out of baby wipes trying to clean the bike up and refused to ride a dusty dirt bike.
The three of us reached base camp about 10:30 and noticed that HotRoad Zilla's borrowed bike had a soft rear tire. You would think that with all the hot air at Zilla's disposal he would not need a pump....



By 10:30 we had everything sorted out and headed out to play in the rocks and the sand....



After Patch ghosted the bike up the step he had to climb up after it.....



We rugged Canadians eat Moab rock like pizza.....



This morning it is 32 F right now in Moab so we are going to wait a bit to let the sun warm things up and we will try the Kane Canyon Trail.
I also have a rough edit of video that features Zilla taking various soil samples to be posted later.......

Two Mexicans, a Polak and a Razer go out into the desert...
Already this does not sound like it is going to end well. The morning was very cold when we got up with the temperature right at freezing. If I wanted this kind of weather I could have stayed home. At first I was going to blow off this ride and sit in the RV park's hot tub all day. In the end I did not want HotRodZilla and Patch comparing me unfavorably to Big-D so I suited up and off the three of us went out into the desert as Tucson Joe and his wife followed us out to the staging area.
By the time we got unloaded and sorted out it was close to 11:00 but it still was not all that warm yet. The plan was to ride to the start of 10 Mile Wash Trail and follow it towards the Colorado River since this trail was wide enough for Joe's side by side ATV. Here I am leading Joe into the first of a few wet spots along the way....



Here is Zilla doing what he and I would be doing for a good part of the day....



While I was leading one of the many sand snakes reared it's ugly head...



and sent me over the edge and landing in a bush in the bottom of a small gully....



Fortunately I had the foresight to street hire some cheap Mexican labour in the form of Zilla and his brother Patch to pick up my bike for me allowing me to save some energy so that I may fall off again.
Patch has taken his brother Zilla out in the trails to teach him how to ride dirt but every now and again when Zilla is messing up Patch has to give Zilla a reboot where it will do some good....



Joe was like a little kid. You just could not keep him out of the puddles....



Our fearless leader, Patch came to this one water crossing and we just wanted to be sure exactly how deep it was before taking the plunge....



If you notice you can go around the end of the water but were dealing with Mexicans here and they were doing a fine job of picking me and my bike off the ground every now and again so I wasn't going to argue with them.
Here is Zilla still splashing mud all over Joe's poor DRZ Suzuki....



I managed to get tangled up with another sand snake and I was nackered at this point and told the rest of the gang to press on while I had a rest. There was only another mile or so to go until they were going to reach a water crossing that was too deep for Joe's ATV and we were going to have to go back anyways so I grabbed the opportunity to take a break....



Again having the cheap Mexican labour was very helpful.
Here is why the ATV was going no further. The drop off the rock was too much and the water was too deep....



Somewhere along the way back Zilla had to stop to expose himself....



and proceed to pull cactus needles out of his butt but I had not seen any cactus in the area and no one else had seen any either. His poor brother had to come to the rescue and yank the needles out. Zilla was yelping like a little girl so at least Patch had that to enjoy.
Once again Zilla had to stop to take another sand sample...



Near the end of the return trip up 10 Mile Wash while I was leading (which for some reason is 30 miles long) I finally found something I could bang my bars against like the trees back home....



While these are not trees it was the closest thing to one I was going to find in Utah.

All the above photos were supplied by Joe's wife Cec from the passager side of the Razer ATV. Many thanks for leading them to me for my ride report.

- to be continued-

After we got back to the staging area I was all set to load up the bikes but AJ & Alex found a berm that made a nice jump and they talked me into a photo shoot. Here is Patch (Alex) on the KTM getting a nice launch and catching some air....



We got back to the park in time for a quick dip in the hot tub before heading over to the final dinner with the entire group at the Moab Microbrewery.
The Great White North Liberation Army made an announcement that we were going to return Moab to the Yanks. While there were some pretty rocks the sand was getting into our underwear and making us irritable. Also as an occupying force we would have to regulate Patch and HotRoadZilla and that was more aggravation then it was worth. In the end we let everyone off with a firm scolding and the next morning we started our strategic withdraw along the same path as our initial attack.
Many thanks to BeemerDons for taking care of the arrangements as the rallymaster for FODS and to all the other folks even though some have the bad taste to bring a GS BMW to Moab. That is like bringing a pea shooter to a nuclear war.
Also very special thanks personally to AJ & Alex. It was a complete blast to ride with you guys. We had lots of laughs along the way and especially thanks for getting me back upright on the numerous occasions when I didn't have it rubber side down. Many thanks.

Tom & Pam were thinking of heading over to Bryce Canyon but on second thought decided that whole area needed a second invasion and decided to head over into that area on a later trip. Given what we were hearing about the I70 conditions around Vail we decided on a southern retreat from Moab. Just south of Moab is Wilson's Arch. Pam had been couped up in the cage for most of the trip and it was time to let her out, wind her up and see where she would go....



That's her waving back at me after she dragged Tom up the hill. I was still too stiff from three days of riding rock & sand for my first ride of the season and was not going to venture any further than I could crawl back to the truck.
The next day we stopped for an early lunch next door to the American Quarter Horse Museum in Amarillo, TX. Do you folks remember that rather infamous photo of Tom and the rooster? Unfortunately that particular affliction appears to run in the family...



and this time Pam can't blame it on the tequila. I did not have the heart to tell her you ride the horse not the poor little calf.

Enough of that. Here is the video that Patch & Zilla were willing to pay good money (well not that good, it was going to be in pesos) for you folks not to see....

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We are currently staged at the home of Homer & Marge Simpson in Springfield, Missouri and are planning our assault on Owosso. The plan is the re-patriate the Tim Horton's in town and deprive those upstart Yanks of decent coffee.

From Bust on the FJR Forum

The defence of the Tim Horton's in Owosso was pretty pitiful. The Great White North Liberation Army launched our attack under the cover of darkness and the only defence was two members of the Salvation Army. One look at the rowdy Canadians and the defensive forces beat a hasty retreat. Here is Tom enjoying the spoils of war....

From HotRodZilla on the FJR Forum...

No wonder you Mexicans work cheap, you can't read. The bag with the oatmeal cookie in it reads "Roll Up the Rim to Win". The other bag was for the Grilled Cheese PANINI. It's an Italian-Canadian thing so I can understand your confusion.
What we are still trying to understand is when did bacon become a desert in the States??





In the immortal words of Darryl Waltrip, "There's somethin' just bad wrong about dat".

The Great White Liberation Army has completed our strategic withdrawl and have safely returned to our barracks. The only casualty suffered by our forces were one bottle of rye, Alexander Keith (the beer) and the visor for my helmet. Many thanks to Bust & Sheila for allowing us to stay over so we could finish off the rest of Tom's beer. Many a story was told into the wee hours of the morning. It was a fun trip and we are already looking forward to next year. Just this time make sure you pay your heating bill.
We come south to get warm not to get more of the same weather we had left behind.

I am going to leave the last word for this ride report to Bust from the FJR Forum....

So ends my ride report of the 2013 FODS Weekend in Moab, Utah.

Thanks Bill, The trip was fun..... I need, we need to go back again!