Gifford Pinchot NF - Entering a Vortex of Chaos

OK, so here's the low-down on our weekend of (mis)ADVentures.
"NEFFR", "WOOKIE" and I decided to slay the GIFF for a 3-day weekend.

So, we loaded up the toy hauler and headed north in the
big red Ford at about 5 PM on Thursday evening.

Little did we know, we where entering a VORTEX of CHAOS!!!

You ready for this? Here we GO!!! >>>



Cool shots of the sun-set in the smokey air on the way there >>>





We get to Olallie Lake at the GIFF at about 10.
NEFFR goes Night-Night at 11 and WOOK and I stay
up til 1:45 talking mad-smack.

DAY 1 - We're DOOMED from the Start!

Check out WOOKIE'S new attire. LOL! WTF? >>>



Geared up and ready to Go! >>>





We rip up the trail near camp >>>







We get to the TOP and I notice that WOOKIE's "Rim-Pillow" (trials tire)
is coming off the rim's BEAD! Uh-oh. WTF WOOK!!!??? >>>



So, we decide to be safe and ride back down to camp
to fix it. On the way down the tube gets a pinch-flat.

Wookie's ANGRY! >>>



We figure the BEAD on the tire is thrashed, so
WOOK tries to poach a tire from the neighbors.
No luck, so he drives back down to Hood River in
the FORD to get a new tire mounted.

NEFFR and I decide to JUKE the WOOK and ride! >>>













NEFFR's new $500 Titanium header starts turning colors - blue and purple >>>





On the way back down from the top we come across some horsey people >>>





And then continue to SHRED >>>





We come to the creek-crossing. It's frickin' DEEP! >>>







NEFFR decides to try a new route down the way >>>











Then we ride another area and find this super-sick SingleTrack >>>




I hit a rock with my boot and crash! >>>





We take a RIGHT and ride back to camp.
This is the spot where StihlRigg and
WOOKIE took a LEFT last year and ended
up running out of GAS way out in PACKWOOD. LOL! >>>



DINNER TIME!!!

NEFFR can't figure out how to use a can-opener and shreds the can open. WTF? >>>



Wookie gets back to camp and is all GRUMPY
because he didn't get to ride much.

NEFFR figured out how to get the WOOK in a better mood >>>





WOOKIE slams a PABST >>>



Next thing you know, WOOKIE's stoked again.

DAY 2 - The BIG ride

We start off the day with some coffee made
on the JetBoil AFTER-BURNER stove >>>



NEFFR cooks up some grubbin' breakfast burritos >>>



We shred up "DARK MEADOW" trail >>>











This switchback was INSANE. There's a BIG rock face to
climb right before the rocky switchback. WOOKIE slays it,
then NEFFR, then I top it without dabbing (lucky) >>>



We make it to the top >>>



Now we're going up to SHARK ROCK!!! >>>



Now we're getting up into the cliffs. This is SKETCHY!!! >>>



Then we slay the BOUNDRY TRAIL that's all muddy and
full of slippery wet roots. WOOKIE shreds up to the top.
NEFFR and I get stuck once because our rim-pillows are
packed with MUD >>>



We're getting close to SHARK ROCK and it starts getting
all MISTY and WEIRD up there >>>



Looking UP the cliff >>>





Now we're at SHARK ROCK and it starts getting HAIRY!!!
We're on a GNARLY CLIFF and we have to navigate around
some crazy switchbacks. Who made these insane trails???!!! >>>



Looking down the cliff >>>



Let's GET SOME!!! >>>



NEFFR scouts it out >>>





WOOKIE goes first >>>





And roosts up to the top >>>





Now it's NEFFR's turn. I'm taking the pic from the top looking straight down >>>







NEFFR makes it to the top >>>





Gitty Up Monkey, now it's YOUR turn! >>>





I walk it. No need to show off and DIE!!! >>>









BrrAAAAPPPPP!!! >>>













I get to the TOP. Time for lunch!!! >>>





Then head DOWN the mountain >>>





These trails are AWESOME! >>>



This tree falls over and almost squashes NEFFR >>>



Then we get a little lost and find this blown-out old bridge >>>





WOOKIE's on a mission and decides to cross the creek
looking for the trail >>>



He bush-whacks up this NASTY hill, but didn't find any trail >>>









Somehow we end up WAY OVER to the North-West of the
trail system and have to ride all the way back to camp >>>

DAY 3

NEFFR and I take the WOOK on the Green Mountain Trail.

WOOKIE's so FAST, it's hard to catch him on camera sometimes >>>



NEFFR >>>









WOOK >>>











Wookie CRASHES and TACOs his pipe and SMASHES
it into the engine. It's DONE. >>>



ME >>>











We get back to camp and check out the hippy-bus next door >>>









NEFFR takes a bunch of RANDOM shots >>>



WOOKIE illustrating how you "WHIP" a bike sideways on jumps >>>



WOOKIE illustrating his sick "NINJA moves" >>>



OK, time to pack up and roll on HOME!!! >>>





WOOK: "WTF? Why won't your GHETTO truck go
faster than 20 MPH DOWN-HILL???!!! What a POS!!!" >>>



ME: "Hell I don't know DUDE, you tell me! Something's JACKED!" >>>



WOOK: "I got a set of tools that will fix ANYTHING! "



HAKKA the DOG: "How the HELL did I get suckered into going on this GHETTO-ASS trip. WTF???"



WOOK: "What a pile of CRAP. Why can't you buy a decent truck MOFO???!!!"



WOOK: "Hey, I got an idea. Git me that HAMMER!" >>>



Me: "I don't think that worked dude. Let's just try to get back to town" >>>



TRUCK DIES and we pull off to the side of the road...



WOOK: "Dude, I knew I shouldn't have gone to the GIFF with these guys."



WOOK: "Dude, I heard if you WHACK the fuel pump with a HAMMER it will work."



ME: "Yeah, great idea!"



It doesn't work, so we limp back and almost make it to TROUT LAKE.

Truck dies AGAIN!

There's a BIG forest fire on the next ridge over.
We see burning trees, there's smoke everywhere.
Looked kinda like this >>>



The place is crawling with 1000 fire fighters and
helicopters flying everywhere.
Kind of reminded me of DA-NANG back in the NAM!!! >>>









Then guy in another FORD truck stop by to help >>>







This corn-fed dude's name is "Sawyer" - He's from DUFUR, OREGON >>>



He's checking the fuel filter and pump >>>



WOOKIE: "I think the fuel filter is right here, bro." >>>



SAWYER: "Damn, that thing is JACKED. WTF??? I'm OUTTA here! >>>



ME: "Now what?"



WOOK: "Dudes. I gotta work tomorrow. My wife's in Portland. I'll have her swing by and pick me up!"



NEFFR rips into town to get a mechanic >>>





Then this guy "PARKER" shows up >>>



WOOK: "Let's see if we can get this guy to TOW the rig into TROUT LAKE. LOL!" >>>



PARKER: "Damn Skippy, I'll give you a tow! Hook it up!!!" >>>













RANDOM BLONDE: "WTF are these guys up to???!!!" >>>



It gets dark. WOOKIE's wife picks him up and leaves HIS
DOG with NEFFR and I stuck at the local Chevron station >>>





We camp out at the gas station and have some sodas >>>





That night we almost got jacked by a couple METH-HEDZ,
and only got about 3 hours of sleep because fire fighters
where everywhere in their diesel trucks.

DAY 4

ANDY the gas station owner tries to help us fix the truck >>>





He's pulling parts off another CLAPPED-OUT Ford 460 in the lot >>>



NEFFR and I get breakfast and feed the DOG sausages >>>



We get the truck started and drive towards HOOD RIVER.

It will only go 20 MPH and DIES 5 miles down the road >>>



Frickin' FORD! We call a tow truck >>>







Hakka the dog takes a GIANT DUMP in the woods. >>>



Tow truck shows up in an hour >>>



















LOL!!! >>>



We drive back to TROUT LAKE and pick up the toy hauler >>>



ANDY: "You dumb-asses are back already???" >>>











We get to the tow service and mechanic station in HOOD RIVER
and take pics of the wrecked vehicles. Bimmer GS >>>



The story here is this punk-ass in a HONDA CIVIC was
going 100 MPH and hit a PICK-UP TRUCK on the rear side.
The Honda left a 300 yard trail of debris when it crashed. >>>







BEER. Don't drink and drive! >>>



Miraculously, everyone walked away from this wreck!

They park the rig and work on it >>>



NEFFR and I go to DOUBLE MOUNTAIN brewery for nachos >>>



The tow company calls me and tells me the CATALYTIC CONVERTER is BLOWN-OUT
and clogging the motor like a POTATO stuffed in the exhaust pipe and will
need a new one. EXPENSIVE!!! I need a BEER >>>






Later we get dinner at this place>>>





Then we grab a cab back to the toy hauler to get some Z's...

DAY 5

Here it is. All nice and shiney! Wow. Truck runs STRONG now. >>>



Here's the OLD catalytic converter >>>



Here's the honeycomb stuff that torches the exhaust gases >>>



Here's the side with the BLOWN-OUT honeycomb stuff.
Looks like gravel in there! >>>



WEIRD >>> :eek1



We figure we all spent about $2000 this weekend on truck towing,
repairs, a moto tire, a wrecked Husky pipe, gas, food, etc.

BUT, it was THE funnest weekend I've had in a LONG time.
Just absolutely NUTS!!! We all got caught in a VORTEX of CHAOS
and made it out alive!!!

We're outta here! >>>













THE END

Holy crap!! That was an exhausting trip and I wasnt even there!! :eek1

But...I grew up riding those trails and have VERY vivid memories of those switchbacks on Shark Rock!

I remember sacrificing my leg under the rear wheel of my dads Suzuki when it was sliding backwards off that cliff cause it couldnt get traction. :huh

Tore my leg up pretty good, but the bike got going fwd again.

I havent been up there in years and years, sure brought back a lot of memories. Its a whole different world up there.

Yeah, good idea. Better than going off the CLIFF!!! :huh

Who even THINKS of making trails up there like that???

They're insane!!! :eek1

Hey guys that was one of the best and funniest RRs I've read in awhile. Thanks for the story and laughs!

Great read Monkey!! I was wanting to bring my hacksaw and get you on the road myself!! Thanks for journaling your misadventures!

A person can't make this stuff up. . . not in one adventure outing anyway. . . and you got it all in one!

This is a fun ride report to read.

Great report ! I wish it wasn't so dang far to get down there , those trails look like a blast . Hadn't thought about a cat going bad for years . I remember trying to troubleshoot my brother in law's F-150 in 75' or so , drove me nuts . Everything checked out great but after maybe 15 minutes it would die , wait 15 minutes and go another 10 miles . Truck was a 74' , but he ran it on farm gas (leaded) . Back then , NAPA had a "test" pipe to put in where the cat went . Of course we never put a new cat in , lifetime testing . Have had fishing trips go almost as good as this trip . But I think you beat me . Thanks for the laughs !

braaaaaappppppppp!!!!

Funny thing is...

We didn't care about the truck breaking down.

It just meant more days OFF WORK!!! Ha ha!!!

HA! Thanks for sending the link - forgot all about this VORTEX!