ADVrider

Go Back   ADVrider > Riding > Regional forums > Australia
User Name
Password
Register Inmates Photos Site Rules Search Today's Posts Mark Forums Read

Reply
 
Thread Tools Search this Thread Display Modes
Old 07-29-2006, 03:23 PM   #1
Pickled Amnesiac OP
ex Fishbulb....
 
Pickled Amnesiac's Avatar
 
Joined: Apr 2006
Location: Oberon.... home of the.... pinetree?
Oddometer: 1,238
By Jove, a new pirate joke

how do pirates like sex???


































up the arrrrrrrrrrrrrrse

true folks!!!

you herd it here 2nd...


fish.

(ok not my finest moment in comedy.... so sue me. and suggest your own pirate joke.)
Pickled Amnesiac is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 08-01-2006, 10:15 PM   #2
rjf
SBS's #1 fan in January
 
rjf's Avatar
 
Joined: Nov 2004
Location: Gosford, NSW, Aust. Scrambler, 640Adv, 300EXC
Oddometer: 4,359
fust thunking Kiwi joke, bro

A man walked into the produce section of his local supermarket, and
asked to buy half a head of lettuce. The boy working in that department told him that they only sold whole heads of lettuce.

The man was insistent that the boy ask his manager about the matter. Walking into the back room, the boy said to the manager, "Some old bastard wants to buy half a head of lettuce." As he finished his sentence, he turned to find the man standing right behind him, so he quickly added, "and this gentleman kindly offered to buy the other half."

The manager approved the deal, and the man went on his way.

Later the manager said to the boy, "I was impressed with the way you got yourself out of that situation earlier. We like people who think on their feet here. Where are you from son?"

"New Zealand, sir," the boy replied.

"Well, why did you leave New Zealand?" the manager asked.

The boy said, "Sir, there's nothing but whores and rugby players there.

"Really," replied the manager? "My wife is from New Zealand!"

"Really??" replied the boy. "Who'd she play for?" .

__________________
Central Coast ADVenture bike training courses and 1 on 1 lessons - For details Click HERE
Life is not a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well preserved body, but rather to skid in broadslide, thoroughly used up, totally worn out and loudly proclaiming- WOW-WHAT A RIDE!
rjf is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 04-23-2007, 03:09 AM   #3
AusStealth
Bohican
 
AusStealth's Avatar
 
Joined: Dec 2006
Location: Perth West Oz
Oddometer: 706
Quote:
Originally Posted by Stackator
Q: Mount Himalaya have in common?
Your correspondent obviously does not have a degree in geography.
__________________
-------------------------------------------
If I'm wrong then you'd better be right.....
AusStealth is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 04-23-2007, 03:16 AM   #4
Stackator
F800GS goodness
 
Stackator's Avatar
 
Joined: May 2006
Location: North Ryde, NSW Australia
Oddometer: 1,343
Quote:
Originally Posted by AusStealth
Your correspondent obviously does not have a degree in geography.
Fixed. I didn't pick it up either. You are right his degree is finance.
__________________
Golf courses are Enduro parks waiting to be discovered

Refresher for the Australian forum: http://www.deakin.edu.au/current-stu...outs/apost.php
Stackator is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 04-23-2007, 03:44 PM   #5
TouringDave
Tri Moto Veritas
 
TouringDave's Avatar
 
Joined: May 2005
Location: Frankston, Vic, Aust.
Oddometer: 6,730
This one from my 7 year old son, (he doesn't get it)

Q. "What do you call a lesbian dinosaur?

A. "Lickalotapuss"
__________________
K7 Strom with Chair
84 Kwaka GT750 Cafe Project
84 Kawaka GT750 Outfit Project
TouringDave is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 04-23-2007, 03:54 PM   #6
AusStealth
Bohican
 
AusStealth's Avatar
 
Joined: Dec 2006
Location: Perth West Oz
Oddometer: 706
To follow that theme:

Q: How many screws are there in a dyke's bed?





































A: None, its all tongue and groove.
__________________
-------------------------------------------
If I'm wrong then you'd better be right.....
AusStealth is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 04-23-2007, 11:13 PM   #7
Pickled Amnesiac OP
ex Fishbulb....
 
Pickled Amnesiac's Avatar
 
Joined: Apr 2006
Location: Oberon.... home of the.... pinetree?
Oddometer: 1,238
Eek

Quote:
Originally Posted by TouringDave
This one from my 7 year old son, (he doesn't get it)

Q. "What do you call a lesbian dinosaur?

A. "Lickalotapuss"
what do you call a gay dinosaur????

megasaurass...

__________________
Soaked to the skin, chilled to the core but alive. I left a puddle at the hotel desk as I checked in this is how adventures end not with a bang but a puddle on the carpet!...
SkyRiderman.....11,000 km in the aussie desert
Pickled Amnesiac is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 04-24-2007, 12:04 AM   #8
mike cramb
Beastly Adventurer
 
mike cramb's Avatar
 
Joined: Mar 2006
Location: Perth
Oddometer: 1,312
A young english chap comes to North Qld to be a ringer on a cattle station. The station manager tells him to wait at the pub in Mt Garnet and he will drive in and pick him up.

While waiting and having a beer the barman asks him where he is going he replies in his best pommy accent " Im goin ta MInamoolka Cattle Station an im gooin ta b a ringer " he says

With this tha barman and all the patrons start to laugh and the barman exclaims " The boss out there is a ravinn poof youd be the third pom hes brought out here and had his way with. if i were you young fella i'd piss off back to where youy came from.""

"Ill watch out for him" says the young pomy


The boss picks him up and back theY go to the station The next day they go out mustering.

As they ride along a murder of crows flys over crowing " FARK FARK FARK"

"JEZZ what was that " says the pomy to the boss " Thems crows " he says "You gotta watch em theyll fly down and peck your bloody eyes out they will" says the boss.

"I will keep me eyes out for em " says the young fella


They keep riding and along come some more crows :"FARK FARK FARK "

"QUIck "says the boss " run to ya find a hollow log stick your head up it and pull ya pants down "

With no time to think or loose the young fella runs to a hollow log sticks his head in it and pulls down his trousers.

THe old poof boss takes the poor young fella from behind as he is heard to say from inside the hollow log.

" KEEP ON PECKIN CROW ITS A LONG WAY TO MY EYES.''



__________________
we are already here!
mike cramb is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 04-24-2007, 12:12 AM   #9
Paves
Beetrt/liver sausage
 
Paves's Avatar
 
Joined: Apr 2006
Location: Mount Helena, Perth Hills
Oddometer: 1,647
Not a pirate joke, but funny anyway

Blonde paint job
A blonde, wanting to earn some money, decided to hire herself out as a handyman-type and started canvassing a wealthy neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for her to do.

"Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?"
The blonde said, "How about 50 dollars?" The man agreed and told her that the paint and ladders that she might need were in the garage. The man's wife, inside the house, heard the conversation and said to her husband, "Does she realize that the porch goes all the way around the house?"
The man replied, "She should. She was standing on the porch."

A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money.
"You're finished already?" he asked. "Yes," the blonde answered, "and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats. "Impressed, the man reached in his pocket for the $50. "And by the way," the blonde added, "that's not a Porch, it's a Ferrari."
__________________
What's that you have in your eye?
Oohh! it's nothing but a sparkle

"All the freaky people make the beauty in the world" - Michael Franty. Weird, odd and proud of it
Paves is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 04-24-2007, 12:15 AM   #10
Paves
Beetrt/liver sausage
 
Paves's Avatar
 
Joined: Apr 2006
Location: Mount Helena, Perth Hills
Oddometer: 1,647
Ok, a pirate joke

What lies at the bottom of the ocean and twitches?













A nervous wreck!
__________________
What's that you have in your eye?
Oohh! it's nothing but a sparkle

"All the freaky people make the beauty in the world" - Michael Franty. Weird, odd and proud of it
Paves is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 04-24-2007, 12:17 AM   #11
Paves
Beetrt/liver sausage
 
Paves's Avatar
 
Joined: Apr 2006
Location: Mount Helena, Perth Hills
Oddometer: 1,647
What sound does a pirate's dog make?


























aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrfff
__________________
What's that you have in your eye?
Oohh! it's nothing but a sparkle

"All the freaky people make the beauty in the world" - Michael Franty. Weird, odd and proud of it
Paves is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 04-24-2007, 12:20 AM   #12
Pickled Amnesiac OP
ex Fishbulb....
 
Pickled Amnesiac's Avatar
 
Joined: Apr 2006
Location: Oberon.... home of the.... pinetree?
Oddometer: 1,238
Quote:
Originally Posted by Paves
What sound does a pirate's dog make?


























aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrfff



what noise does a dog with a hair lip make???/


mmmmmaaaarrrk....

ok ok not my best work but hey this IS the net....
__________________
Soaked to the skin, chilled to the core but alive. I left a puddle at the hotel desk as I checked in this is how adventures end not with a bang but a puddle on the carpet!...
SkyRiderman.....11,000 km in the aussie desert
Pickled Amnesiac is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 04-24-2007, 12:42 AM   #13
whitey222
occasionally adventurous
 
whitey222's Avatar
 
Joined: Dec 2005
Location: Glossodia NSW, Australia
Oddometer: 1,134
I hope you lot will be celebrating International Talk Like a Pirate Day in September !!!

http://www.talklikeapirate.com/piratehome.html

I suppose 'Post like a Pirate' will suffice on web forums.
__________________
Graham
Some Pics
whitey222 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 04-24-2007, 01:44 AM   #14
woafa
Gnarly Adventurer
 
Joined: Sep 2004
Location: Sydney
Oddometer: 226
if you've got kids, you may already know this one...

A Pirate Says "Arrr"

If you want to be a pirate,
Get up on your feet.
You can't be a pirate,
If you're sitting in your seat.
Swing your arms tough,
And stand kind of low,
And make this noise wherever you go.

Arrr! Arrr! Arrr!
A pirate, a pirate, a pirate says "Arrr!"
It might seem strange, just a bit bizarre,
But they know you're a pirate,
When they hear you say "Arrr!"

Arrr! Arrr! Arrr!
A pirate, a pirate, a pirate says "Arrr!"
You wear a spare part, a bandana and a scar,
and they know you're a pirate,
When they hear you say "Arrr!"

The Jolly Roger is the pirate flag,
A skull and some bones on a big black rag.
We'll fly it on our ship, up above the sails,
And we'll search for treasure,
And be tough as nails!

Arrr! Arrr! Arrr!
A pirate, a pirate, a pirate says "Arrr!"
If you think we're noisy, you're right, we are,
'cause they know you're a pirate,
When they hear you say "Arrr!"
__________________
XR650R (Lola)
www.dsmra.asn.au
woafa is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 04-24-2007, 02:58 AM   #15
The Misinformant
What road?
 
The Misinformant's Avatar
 
Joined: Jun 2004
Location: Adelaide, Australia
Oddometer: 349
The Captian of an English rumrunner merchantman was happily sailing his way around the place and over the horizon his lookout spies a Pirate ship bearing down on them. The Captain orders for all the canvas possible to be raised but it becomes quickly obvious that their ship is not going to be able to outrun the pirates and the Captain calls his crew to arms and battle stations. He explains to the crew thier dire situation and that they will have to fight for their lives. He then turns to his first mate and asks him to fetch from his cabin his bright, red, silk shirt.

After the ensuing violent, bloody and succsessfull battle the first mate asks the Captian "Why did you ask for your red shirt wouldn't that have made you a target for the pirates?"
"Weell son if I was to get injured at all crew would loose heart and not fight as they needed, this way they would not know anything was wrong if I was hurt and so we won."

The mate dully thought on this wisdom and put it away for when one day he to would be Captain.

Well in the next tour of duty several months later the lookout spies 6 pirate ships over the horizon bearing down, they raise canvas but alas their ship is just to slow and the the Captian once agian calls the crew to arms and encourages to them to fight gallantly and with courage as once before.

The mate asks "Captian shall I fetch your red shirt once more?"

"No mate you had best get me my BROWN PANTS!!!!!!"




The Misinformant is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply

Share

Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

.
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is On

Forum Jump


Times are GMT -7.   It's 12:54 AM.


Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.5
Copyright ©2000 - 2014, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
Copyright ADVrider 2011-2014