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Old 05-01-2007, 02:26 AM   #61
Jaqhammar
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Location: Sydney, Australia.
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A sandwich walks into a bar and before it can say anything the barman yells out... "We don't serve food in here!"

A man walks into a bar with a slab of tarmac under his arm.
" I'd like two beers please, one for me and one for the road."

Two fish are swimming down a river when one slams head first into an obstruction.
" Dam," he says.

A jumper cable walks into a bar and asks for a drink.
The barman says " Ok, but I've my eye on you. Don't start anything!"

What do you call a fish with an eye missing.
FSH.
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Old 05-01-2007, 11:41 PM   #62
Pickled Amnesiac OP
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Laugh

An Irishman goes to the Doctor with botty problems....
"Dactor, it's me ahrse. I'd loik ya at teyhk a look, if ya woot".
So the doctor gets him to drop his pants and takes a look.
"Incredible"he says, "there is a 20 note lodged up here." Tentatively he
eases the twenty out of the man's bottom, and then a 10 pound note
appears. "This is amazing!"exclaims the Doctor. ''What do you want me to
do?"
"Well fur gadness sake teyhk it out, man!"shrieks the patient.
The doctor pulls out the tenner and another twenty appears, and another and
another and another, etc. Finally the last note comes out and no more
appear.
"Ah Dactor, tank ya koindly, dat's moch batt ER. Just out of interest,
How moch was in dare den?"
The Doctor counts the pile of cash. "1,990 exactly."
"Ah, dat'd be roit,''says the Irishman. I knew I wasn't feeling two
grand.."
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Soaked to the skin, chilled to the core but alive. I left a puddle at the hotel desk as I checked in this is how adventures end not with a bang but a puddle on the carpet!...
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Old 05-07-2007, 06:51 AM   #63
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Three little ducks go into a bar...

Three little ducks go into a bar..........

"Say, what`s your name?" the bartender asks the first little duck..

"Huey," was the reply.

"How`s your day been, Huey?"


"Great. Lovely day. Had a ball. Been in and out of puddles all day. What else could a duck want?" said Huey.

"Oh That`s nice," said the bartender. He turned to the second little duck, "Hi and what`s your name?"


"Dewey," came the answer from duck number two.

"So how has your day been, Dewey?" he asked.

"Great. Lovely day. I`ve had a ball too. Been in and out of puddles all day myself. What else could a duck want?"

The bartender turned to the third little duck and said "So, you must be Louie?"





"No," she said, batting her eyelashes.

"My name is Puddles."
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Old 05-07-2007, 11:09 PM   #64
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Quote:
Originally Posted by nevgriff64
Three little ducks go into a bar..........

"No," she said, batting her eyelashes.

"My name is Puddles."
good to see your keeping the standard suitably high there nev....
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Old 05-07-2007, 11:13 PM   #65
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Quote:
Originally Posted by jamodu-fishbulb
good to see your keeping the standard suitably high there nev....
I know it`s not a pirate joke mate but I thought it was quite good anyway..
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Old 05-07-2007, 11:42 PM   #66
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Wicked true that....

Quote:
Originally Posted by nevgriff64
I know it`s not a pirate joke mate but I thought it was quite good anyway..
im loving the sticker by the way... (insert thumbs up smilie)<-
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Soaked to the skin, chilled to the core but alive. I left a puddle at the hotel desk as I checked in this is how adventures end not with a bang but a puddle on the carpet!...
SkyRiderman.....11,000 km in the aussie desert
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Old 05-07-2007, 11:47 PM   #67
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Quote:
Originally Posted by jamodu-fishbulb
im loving the sticker by the way... (insert thumbs up smilie)<-
Thought it would be good to be able to let people from here know who I was even when not on the bike.. The trick now is not to offend anyone so they don`t trash my car..
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Old 05-08-2007, 12:00 AM   #68
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Wicked

Quote:
Originally Posted by nevgriff64
Thought it would be good to be able to let people from here know who I was even when not on the bike.. The trick now is not to offend anyone so they don`t trash my car..
i was thinking about something this....



rough draft ....
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Soaked to the skin, chilled to the core but alive. I left a puddle at the hotel desk as I checked in this is how adventures end not with a bang but a puddle on the carpet!...
SkyRiderman.....11,000 km in the aussie desert
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Old 05-08-2007, 12:08 AM   #69
rjf
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Quote:
Originally Posted by jamodu-fishbulb
i was thinking about something this....



rough draft ....
Hey thats neat. What about ditching the jamodu and incorporating a jam jar with ODU where IXL normally is that would be more n-power(ing)
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Old 05-08-2007, 12:11 AM   #70
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Quote:
Originally Posted by jamodu-fishbulb
i was thinking about something this....



rough draft ....
That looks brilliant.. how much do you charge for sticker designs..
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Old 05-08-2007, 12:14 AM   #71
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Wink

Quote:
Originally Posted by nevgriff64
That looks brilliant.. how much do you charge for sticker designs..
a pint.... o port!

yarrr... this is a pirate thread after all...
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Soaked to the skin, chilled to the core but alive. I left a puddle at the hotel desk as I checked in this is how adventures end not with a bang but a puddle on the carpet!...
SkyRiderman.....11,000 km in the aussie desert
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Old 05-08-2007, 12:15 AM   #72
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Bluhduh

Quote:
Originally Posted by rjf
that would be more n-power(ing)
dont forget rjf... its a secret!!!

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Soaked to the skin, chilled to the core but alive. I left a puddle at the hotel desk as I checked in this is how adventures end not with a bang but a puddle on the carpet!...
SkyRiderman.....11,000 km in the aussie desert
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Old 05-08-2007, 12:17 AM   #73
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Quote:
Originally Posted by jamodu-fishbulb
a pint.... o port!

yarrr... this is a pirate thread after all...
But of course.. I had one eye closed when I asked the question..
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Old 05-08-2007, 12:18 AM   #74
garandman
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An Englishman, a Frenchman, and a Swiss Engineer are out on an expedition when they are captured by locals. They're informed that, as spies, they are sentenced to death by guillotine.

The Englishman is brought up to the guillotine and asked for his last words. "Gos Save the Queen," he says. But the guillotine malfunctions, and his captors consider it an omen and spare his life.

Next, the Frenchman is brought up to the guillotine and asked for his last words. "Vive La France," he says. But the guillotine malfunctions, and his captors consider it an omen and spare his life as well.

Last, the Swiss Engineer is brought up and asked for his last words.













"I think I see the problem."
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Old 05-08-2007, 03:05 AM   #75
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Gotta go back a cople of years for this one...

International micro surgeons conference, usual bullshit around the bar,

American microsurgeon, we re-attatched a torn hand off a factory worker, reconstructed it so well, he put 5 workers out of a job.

Pommy microsurgeon, thats nothing, we re-connected a workers two arms, and did such a good job, he now does the work of 20 men.

Australian microsurgeon, you blokes are up yourselves, we were walking down the street after a bit of a bender at the pub, caught a fart floating by, constructed an arsehole around it, then the rest of the body, called it Paul Keating, and he put the whole country out of work.
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