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Old 09-25-2007, 11:55 PM   #106
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Joined: Jul 2001
Location: San Francisco, USA
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Originally Posted by ahendepe
Thank you for flying Vermin Pacific Coast Airlines we have reached cruising altitude of 9,200 feet in the city of Leadville Colorado. Feel free to unbuckle your safety belts and mill about the cabin. For those interested the captain will be giving tours of the cockpit.

“Hello my name is Vermin thank you for being our guest on Vermin Pacific Coast Airlines. I am about to show you some advanced instrummmaaa. Never mind. I forgot this is a charter it is a bare bones operation.

I am as good a graphic artist as I am a husband. This paint program worked like a crappy digital etch-a-sketch ( my daughter now tells me if you hit the A button in paint you can type in the letters. Where was she a hour ago?

A) Cable tied on mirror/turn signal assembly. The advantages of ABS plastic bikes is that you can gore holes in it with any number of sharp objects contained in G. The reason the mirror was dangling is due to “The Incident” that won’t actually happen until the 29th. Either I have a crummy continuity editor in this film shoot or I have stumbled into another pesky anomaly in the space/time continuum. Either way my mirror was dangling and I didn’t have the right allen wrench to access the really cool Honda (put the mirror back on with no damage) clips.

B) Who in the hell made handlebar grips the size of a roll of Certs I came back from one trip absolutely convinced I had Lou Gehrigs disease. Sweet Thang pointed out that I had just done a round trip to the bayou of Church Point Leweezeanna (2400m +/-) on a early seventies shovel head superglide.borrowed from a 5’2”tall woman. Ever since then my hands give me hell on trips so I took some pipe insulation and wrapped it in electrical tape to give me relief.

C) Cupholder from some Nissan that I bolted clean through the fake gas tank. This is handy I put change for tolls in one of the holes and my Ernest Tubb coffee cup in the other one. Don’t get me wrong “Bob Wills is still the King”

D) My GPS, a compass I got at Murrys auto parts with a digital something else that failed within the first week. The compass only points to the W (due to some high energy electro magnetic fields, emanating from the coil probably). This suits me just fine as I only like to go west. When I head E toward work and I look down and see the W it makes me happy because W is where I like be and it brings back sweet memories..

E) Sunglass holder drywall screwed to the dash. Picture yourself pulling into Sturgis with your real cool prescription sunglasses on. Picture the sinking feeling you get when you realize the vest pocket that held your $350 prescription regular glasses is flapping empty in the breeze. Ah it is only a coupla hundred miles to our last stop in Pierre we can find them. NOT! I could only ride in the day the rest of the trip. That is the trip where the Harley Fat Bastard Blew Up .Which turned out pretty cool as it forced me to stop in my tracks at dark, all alone. I met a lot more people on that trip because of that. But I don't recommend loosing glasses or blowing up motorcycles to meet people.

F) We have stumbled upon one of my nuclear rants, the one thing America has done right and it has remained unchanged since its introduction and it has never been improved upon THE SWING-AWAY-CAN OPENER. This is still a privately run business out of St Louis MO they don’t have corporate jets or jaw clenching CEO’s (buy high sell low) and they manufacture the damn things here in the USA. Wall Street would have you believe that such a thing is out of the question. My grandma had one bolted to the wall in the farm house and it opened cans when my dad was a kid, when I was a kid, and when my kids where kids and it still worked fine when we buried them, rest their souls. The only reason electric can openers took off in the first place is because the wretched cheap imported can openers wouldn’t open cans. Unfortunately this one fell on US-23. at rush hour and I found it a coupla months later on the shoulder and retrieved it. No it was not good as new. The only other product made in the USA is J.B.Weld without which I could not survive.

G) Gerber Brand multi tool with the slide in pliers that don’t pinch the crap out of your tender palm meat the moment it spins off a rusted on nut in which you have invested all of your strength. I had a old leatherman that is a flippin biohazard with hunks of vermins paw sheared off and wedged in the little cracks. I created a unique leatherman dance that included chanting obscenities while my biting bottom lip all squinch eyed. (I will admit to tearing up time and again).

I) Homer Simpson (thanks Andy)

J) Homer Simpson bottle opener

K) I was unable to find a replacement Swing-Away so I am temporarily stuck with this Chinese hunk of junk.

L) My Sweet Thang distress come get me transponder. (cell phone)

Man, that post is awesome . Just like the rest of your report BTW .
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Old 09-26-2007, 04:02 PM   #107
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Wow... where to start???

I found this thread a couple of hours ago and simply could not stop reading it until the very end. What a fantastic read!!! Thanks so much for taking the time to share all that with us! My whole family is concerned about my mental state - as I've been sitting here staring at a PC monitor laughing out loud for hours. They wouldn't understand. You definitely have a gift. Maybe you should send a slightly condensed/edited version to one of the bike rags. I'd rank you right up there with Cycle World's Peter Egan (tall praise in my book). I'd be surprised if they DIDN'T publish it.

My Father is a Detroit-area native (Royal Oak, actually) who escaped via the Air Force in the late 50's only to marry a southern girl and settle in SC. Except for one nephew, who keeps the robots buzzing at a GM assembly plant, his entire family has fled Michigan. He's now lived in SC for more years than he cares to remember - a true converted Southerner who has cultivated a love of boiled peanuts and bluegrass music.

I'm also a middle-aged cubicle dweller who has lost all enthusiasm for his chosen profession. I'm finding it harder to get out of bed every day. Reports like this one reignite my soul. Thanks again. I HAVE to do a trip like this... and soon. The thing is I don't know if I want to do a pavement-only trip on my SV650 - or tackle the Trans-Am trail on my trusty old '93 XR650L. Regardless, 2008 is the year it will happen. Let the planning begin.
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Old 09-26-2007, 07:13 PM   #108
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Like Poe, I found this thread and even in the wee hours of tomorrow I can't stop reading, admiring, and laughing. Absolutely great prose, insight, and style.

I've been pounding the keyboard trying to explain to my family why I do weird (to them) trips on my bike without sending them to the house of Morpeheus or me to the house of Padded Walls. I thought I had it written pretty well but I'm going to bow to a master, send them the link, and then answer questions.

You have proven that "It's not what you ride, it's that you ride." to be as enlightening and relevant as Pirsig's observations. Thanks for the clear words, fuzzy pictures, and great adventure.


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Old 09-26-2007, 09:29 PM   #109
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Read this whole thing start to finish. One of the best. Ever.

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Old 09-26-2007, 09:56 PM   #110
dreaming adventurer
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Originally Posted by ahendepe
The End

Thanks for the great story...this one is epic.
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Old 09-27-2007, 12:24 AM   #111
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Damn... just damn best ever.
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Old 09-27-2007, 01:17 PM   #112
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Location: San Francisco, CA, USA
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Zen and the art of motorcycle negligence...

... should be the start of your writing career Vermin!!

It could end up being the title of your collection of ride-report/ essays.

I would buy it.

Why do we ride??? Your report forces many of the right reasons into the spotlight...

Thank you. I envy your son. He has one kick ass family.
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Old 09-28-2007, 08:14 PM   #113
Dorkus Malorkus
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Fantastic! This report ended way too soon. Thanks for writing it up!
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Old 09-29-2007, 08:50 PM   #114
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Excellent Ride Report. Seriously tickled my funny bone. Thanks and Ride On!
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Old 09-30-2007, 07:07 AM   #115
ann reid
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Joined: Jun 2004
Location: Arizona
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You Win THE Tupperware Competition!

I loved reading your mo'cycle adventure. You painted great word pictures and the actual photo of your scooter on steriods complete with barbie, lawnmower man and ole hickory stand-up is priceless. *LOLHMS* You have vindicated me. I've owned 4 PCees but currently only have two and have long been teased for my unorthodoxed methods of packing including a rocking chair atop the pile. No longer. You've taken the heat off me. Thankya thankya thankya.... If you're ever in the Land of AZ or NM and/or need a place to "store/dump" your bike for awhile, contact me. Always room for one more PCee in the stable. --Ann
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Old 10-03-2007, 06:00 AM   #116
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No amount of superlatives will suffice!

A remarkable tale. One of the most interesting things I have ever enjoyed reading.


It ranks way up there with a wisdom-filled diatribe by another Michigan Genius:

(Sorry, Drifter- you must've walked off to snap some photos)


GatorJane screwed with this post 05-02-2008 at 11:05 AM
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Old 10-03-2007, 04:35 PM   #117
Off roading with ma ST
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Smiles all over

Well written, tons of smiles.

Anthony STreppel
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Old 10-03-2007, 10:18 PM   #118
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Someone over on the TwoWheeled Texans site posted this link so I clicked on it to see what it was and 2hrs later I'm posting this. I read it strait through. Fantastic RR.
Hats off to Drifter as well, he really hung in there. Most kids his age would've bitched and whined the whole way.
You have a knack for writing and I look forward to reading your next report.
Great job!!!!
'06 TW200 Mountain Goat '06 XR650L Sumo
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Old 10-04-2007, 06:06 AM   #119
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Bravo! That was one hell of a read. Thanks for posting.
'15 R1200RT, '05 CRF250X : IBA #21269
-- Golf is for the dead.
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Old 10-07-2007, 03:22 PM   #120
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thanx, man.
"beware the grease mud. for therein lies the skid demon."-memory from an old Honda safety pamphlet
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