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Old 07-20-2008, 02:32 PM   #31
brockster
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I'm loving the paint job - and the Harley is pretty sweet too.


Quote:
Originally Posted by vermin
...“Fun Bike Center” Honda dealer ...the bike was over ten years old and they wouldn’t work on it.
Here is a guy 2500 miles from home with his young daughter and needs a (paid for) risk free favor and they wouldn’t budge. I hope the same thing happens to them some day.
[
The hat was the only one to figure a way out of the brig?

My neighbor just got a sweet deal from a camping buddy of his on a Vulcan 750 with under 3000 miles. Once the dust was removed, it looked new. Vista Kawasaki in Dayton refused to clean the carbs because it was over 7 years old. They're never going to see another penny from him again. Jesus, what if our pediatricians acted the same way??
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Old 07-21-2008, 04:29 PM   #32
MikeyT
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ruh roh
yeeha!
whut he sed!!
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Old 07-21-2008, 05:11 PM   #33
Hugh
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Bring it on...

Go on, we need more!
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Old 07-22-2008, 10:42 PM   #34
Hoon
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Sweet,I'm really looking forward to this RR

I read last years installment and enjoyed reading this rattiest of adventures.

Bring on the CACK!


Have a good one Vermin & Dollbaby.

Best wishes from a Ratbikezone regular.
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Old 07-24-2008, 08:41 PM   #35
Clarkman
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Yeah, that was a good call on the paint job. It really ties the bike together. Gives it a real sense of unity.
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Old 07-25-2008, 10:43 AM   #36
LATJ
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Oh this one definitely has potential!!!
:subscribe
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Old 07-25-2008, 11:00 AM   #37
kluts
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You've ruined my Friday workday. Thank you, Thank you!!!

the writing style is so close to HS Thompson's. And this photo, taken when he did a piece for CW about a Ducati, makes me suspicious of claims that vermin comes from Detroit. Maybe HST didn't off himself. He became a suburbanite in Michigan. Who'd have guessed?
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Old 07-27-2008, 06:32 AM   #38
vermin OP
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Lost Angeles giddy up

Lost Angeles

With my exacting, meticulous attention to the maintenance complete we awoke with excitement on the day of departure. At this point I have one of my all too infrequent lucid moments and get a glimpse of how absolutely out of control and fraught with probable failure my current plan is and have to fight off the urge to curl up in the fetal position and hyperventilate, To make matters worse I go to open the trunk to stow my stuff to leave and the lid decides to hang up and refuse to open. In my mind it was my bikes way of saying are you sure you want to do this you moron. I ignore my bikes warning and get out the sawzall and cut thru the trunk by the latch and diddle around with stuff. Somehow by changing the gauge of the bailing wire that holds on my rear light assembly during the tire change I had messed up the tenuous mojo that is Cack. Even though I had done nothing really but saw off a hunk of her hindquarters she decided I meant business and wasn’t gonna be denied so she opened up.


At this point I am eager to get this show on the road and find out how the story ends. The four of us cruise up the coast to Oceanside Cali it looks like it was real cool in the 50’s and 60’s but it getting sucked up by big money boys and girls.

Unks bike looks cool, detailed, polished and ready to impress I am glad that it is getting out of the stable. Cack on the other hand looks like one of those litter vortexes that accumulates in the recessed doorways of ghetto wig shops. God bless ‘er she is running like a top.

We gotta start moving across the planet in earnest so we head over to I-5 and as I get up to warp speed a year of construction dust and debris flies up in my face and I am partially blinded. I eventually triumph over my own personal maelstrom and settle down to an I don’t know how fast pace. It was nice to get into my element and start moving. Unk admits he is outside his comfort zone. It is pretty much my main comfort zone.

We head up into Los Long Beach to one of my personal favorite gearheads shop (West Coast Choppers).



I went in and bothered the guy behind the counter asking around for Jesse. Of course I was the first one on earth to do so. He said Jesse usually eats lunch a his Hamburger Joint “Cisco burger” next door.


I just wanted to show him my bike to see if he wanted to start a rat line of products to sell in his glossy catalogs. I did notice the power of the bad boy celebrity. There was a fairly attractive 30 something professional Midwestern style chick actually pacing around the premises. As this is a family thread I will only say that it seemed like she was lookin to get her fire extinguished.

I figure success must destroy Jesse’s creative fire purdy soon.

Pop Quiz
Your name is Jesse James it is 10am you are sleeping in your beach house in Malibu. You wake up with a slight headache from the “A” list Hollywood party from the night before.

YOU:

A) Roll over and bury your face in the fuzzy warm knape of Sandra Bullocks Neck and go back to sleep.

B) Drive to Long Beach and fend off horny Midwestern housewifes that want an autograph and try to avoid delusional drifters on rat bikes while busting your oil covered knuckles on some moviestars chopper that will never be ridden.

C) Wish you were a delusional drifter on a rat bike.

My dog could pass this test (and she is not that damn bright)


I think you get my point.



Oh wait a minute I just had a thought/opinion. If the high price of oil raises the cost of bubble wrap the boneheads on Orange County Choppers will be out of business. Jesse at least has a cool combination of old school motorhead and artist. The OCC crowd should have stuck to making wrought iron burglar guards. Jesse makes me nostalgic for the days of my youth when it was not uncommon for a teenager to have a car up on blocks with parts of the motor in his (yes it was an exclusively male phenom) moms utility room getting oil on his sisters Partridge Family bedspread. The kid could become confused and the dad could explain it in great detail and help him put it back together.

Mini rant warning
The motor/industrial age gave this country a leg up on the rest of the world. By all means disband the capacity and resources and hand them to China as fast as you can. What could possibly go wrong. Whatever you do don’t look away from the television.
(My buddy Carl (with a K) doesn’t even have a TV in his house his kids adapted by being good students, bright eyed people and even a couple of professional hockey players. He is largely viewed as a heretic. I personally think it is an act of courage and genius to cut the umbillical cord of false need and consumerism)

Anyway (rant temporarily over)

It sounds like Jesse had a disadvantaged childhood where he did not stay home in a tubular Toshiba induced trance. He ran the streets fighting, burning rubber and dreaming like a human being should.

This was prior to the telezombiefication of the youths.

Having conquered Long Beach we motored on up into LA proper. There we sat in the middle of the day in traffic with the wind blowing sweet perfect temperature butterfly kisses on my cheek and there was not another motorcycle to be seen anywhere. What is wrong with you people. In Michigan we get 3.5 hours of summer and everyone freaks out and rides everywhere.

Famous motorcycle free traffic.


Modern Ferroglyphs


We pulled into the public parking at Venice beach as we wanted to plan our assault on LA from pleasant surroundings. Unk became somewhat irritable at the throngs of tourists asking him to move his gillion dollar bike so they could get a better picture of Cack at rest.



We cruised on down to the beach and hung out for awhile I presume this is more to Dollbabies liking than the industrial section.


I attempted to lounge about on the beach and blend in with the locals.

OK Children, one of these things is not like the others.


Signs I don't think should be allowed to exist.



Dollbaby needed a duofold one piece set of shiverin drawers for the north country this here is the closest thing they could find in LA


Los Angeles Long Johns


There were some stone freaks walking around here but I didn’t take any pictures I figure a phreak photographin a freak might upset some sort of karma that could get my ass whooped (or worse).

All the excitement of the day caused Unk to want to take a nap so we set up our bivouac in a hotel next to the beach. Cack and the Unkcycle regurgitated a tremendous amount of cargo into the bowels of the hotel. Now that Cack was considerably lighter it was reasonable for Dollbaby and the Verm to go into LA for supplies.



I motored along looking for a place to buy some duffel bags and bungees for Unk. We rolled into a town called Beverly (Hills that is, Swimmin pools, movie stars).

Litterace hits town




As luck would have it I stumbled onto Rodeo Rd. and I figured they shonuff must have a Farm and Fleet store.


It wasn’t looking promising


I finally found a store that sold some high end feed bags


The outside was ritzy but the inside had some good down home folks with reasonable prices on bungees. Unk insists on color coordinated bungees. I just use the ones I find on the side of the road that have fallen offa trucks. They are free and the rubber is much grabbier of your personal effects.


The people of Beverly Hills seemed shallow and brainless


Dollbaby continued to shop for her shiverin drawers unsuccessfully.

You couldn’t throw a dead cat without hittin a famous or attractive person


Milburn Drysdales house. (probably with a West Coast Chopper in the garage)

I start to get the willies like the local gendarmery might be unceremoniously escorting my rubbish strewn self out of town (thereby humiliating my lovely daughter) so I hightailed it east on Sunset Blvd. It is somewhere along this stretch of road that Cack got dusted by some black on black with black lamborgheenee causing me to hit a bump and jetison my previously seriously freeway run over swing-away can opener into traffic. I started to take it personally as this particular appliance has deserted me a coupla of times so I left it spinning in the left hand lane of east bound sunset blvd. "Freedoms just another word for nothin left to loose" and at this point my obligation to that particular can opener ended. We passed the “The Comedy Store” and they had a sign out front “Tribute to George Carlin”. Apparently he had recently reached room temperature annaconna a bad ticker. I feel a little bad because I enjoyed his humor. I commence to ruminating about my own heart situation. I have made radical and belligerent lifestyle changes but the one thing I can’t get aholt of is my natural cantankerous mental state, not unlike that of Carlins. Pessimism is a primary risk factor in comedy and heart disease. Anyhow ruminatin’ has put me in a mildly agitated funk but I must soldier on showing my daughter the highlights of the glitter capital.

This guys job is different than mine, the deadly snakes are easier to identify.


Graumanns Chinese foyer


I was unaware that superheros actually existed till I came here.


We were standing in front of Graumans famous Chinese Theater when a tour bus pulled up and disgourged itself of its fleshy contents, Captain America sauntered over to the oddly dressed vacationing meat and started to converse in German. Isn’t it ironic, a German making a living as Captain America? Oh my god that is irony. Irony is a first cousin of pessimism, holy crud I am doomed.

Irony Rant
A singer named Alanus Morissette had a song called isn’t it ironic. It drove me insane because there was no irony in the song only a series of unfortunate events. It also bothered me that I appeared to be the only one in the country that noticed. It is like referencing Mike Tyson in a song about love, grace and timeless beauty. Than I started to wonder if she put a song together about irony with no irony in it to be cleverly ironic. But then I remembered she was from Canada and probably did not have the necessary mental angst to even understand irony. It was just a lousy song which, ironically, is not ironic for her.
Rant over

This one is for the 70 year old women that read this forum.


We continued dilly dallying around the heart of the American Flickering Dream (illusion) factory for awhile exposing it to my daughter for what it was, just another gift shop for people seeking something that wasn’t there to begin with. People here are livin and dyin at 24 frames a second and it don't appear to amount to a hill o' beans.
I didn’t see anything today that I would trade my happiness for. Than again I have never woke up in Malibu and seen the peach fuzz at the base of Sandra Bullocks neck (just kidding sweet thang).

For that matter I didn’t see anything I would trade Cack for, at this juncture my routine is uptight and outta site.


We slither up Laurel Canyon drive at sunset. It is known primarily because the crazy ass Charles Manson had his minions try to start a huge race war by butchering some starlet here.

Good Night

vermin screwed with this post 10-07-2008 at 04:58 AM
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Old 07-27-2008, 07:47 AM   #39
mjg
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In my dreams I would be as perverse as you are.

Please carry on.
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Old 07-27-2008, 03:51 PM   #40
btretired
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Talking





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Old 07-27-2008, 05:26 PM   #41
Mileater
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Laugh

So.... what did you REALLY think of LA?

Keep it coming. I need my daily fill of irony, sarcasm and a little humour please.

Cheers,
Allan
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Old 07-27-2008, 05:37 PM   #42
windburn
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Vermine you are back, Magnificent!

Life may well require Thougths as well as pic's and you are a master. I did wonder if Clack is now without the school bus turn signals. I thought they where a perfect addition to a rat bike and particularly a Pacific Coast. does Clak have feelings along with karma? any sign that clak likes the Pacific Coast as clak must have been born in the salt air of the pacific. My only hope is that you get out of tinciltown before Babydoll thinks they people are real. It is all illusion.
Nice to here from you!
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Old 07-27-2008, 07:32 PM   #43
winterhk
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bitchin narrative!
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Old 07-27-2008, 07:38 PM   #44
GB
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Old 07-27-2008, 09:09 PM   #45
kluts
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So far, the yellow jersey is yours

Keep up the good words.
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