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View Results: I have been to the county of Fuckshire, it was ...
Nice? 29 13.12%
Nasty? 30 13.57%
Nasty but nice? 162 73.30%
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Old 03-28-2011, 02:12 PM   #1651
pjcr12
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Where was I?

Hey, what's happenin'? I've got a whole half-hour before my nice new shiney bedtime of 9pm comes around, so I thought I'd dump a load here so as to lighten my mood and garner sympathy, upon which I feed like a blood starved vampire........


So, I may have mentioned a small lung-based adventure I had a few weeks ago? As a follow-up, I decided to experience a cardiac arrest and a spot of laceration to the spleen, with a further follow-up in terms of a removal of said spleen interspersed with two almost-death experiences.....

For those who need detail:

After the lung-stapling, which appeared to go ok, I developed some serious gut pain. (This was caused by a leaking spleen which somehow got badly cut in the lung job, thereby causing blood to leak internally, but at this point this was not known) I crawled to hospital and begged to be shot, but they decided to try and diagnose things. They got this stage very wrong indeed, especially when they gave me a shot of anti-coagulant, which sent the pain off the scale, as all it did was increase the blood flow...they couldn't scan me, as I was bent double and were actually going to send me home, as they didn't know what the fuck was happening. At this stage, and just prior to receiving another shot of anti-coagulant (which would have actually killed me) my ex-wife stepped into the fray*and stopped them, pointing out that my stomach is usually concave, not all swelled up like a beach ball, at which point I had a cardiac arrest (which nearly killed me) and got opened up big-style, which revealed the mashed up spleen, which they took out and threw away, it being completely fucking useless.

I've spent the last 10 days having my balls washed by men I don't know, and pissing through a tube....but I'm home now with a scar that is as ugly as it's possible to get, but I'm not dead and, when I've finished suing the bastards until their eyes pop, I shall be buying a motorcycle. And hopefully a farm. And a helicopter. And a jet pack.

There is no moral to this story, and there's certainly nothing to learn from it, except shit happens, I suppose.

*She works elsewhere in the same hospital, and got tipped off. I've told her I'll re-marry her for ten grand as a thank you for her witchy-intuition, but I'll need it in cash. Obviously, she's told me to fuck off and, quite frankly, I don't blame her, but I would be here typing this if it wasn't for her, and that's the goddamn truth. I hate it when women get the better of you.
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Old 03-28-2011, 02:27 PM   #1652
Lornce
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'ken 'ell.

Steady on, lad.

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Old 03-29-2011, 06:36 AM   #1653
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Originally Posted by pjcr12 View Post
Hey, what's happenin'?
Heyzus Farquar!?! Have eel-mailed you.

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Old 03-29-2011, 08:09 AM   #1654
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I've spent the last 10 days having my balls washed by men I don't know, and pissing through a tube....

I am really glad you are alive and I am very sorry this happened to you but when I read the above, I spewed the coke I was drinking all over the computer screen here at work. Holy shit thats funny...at your expense of course but funny none the less.

What kind of bike are you going to get?

Anyway, glad you are alright.
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Old 03-29-2011, 09:17 AM   #1655
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Heyzus Farquar!?! Have eel-mailed you.

Where do you find this stuff?!?

That was great!

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Old 03-29-2011, 10:14 AM   #1656
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Where do you find this stuff?!? That was great!
I'll leave it to you to Google/itunes Mighty Boosh as I'm literally shagged out, as well as a little freeked at having stumbled back into the real world & found that in the night I had been wrestling with & ultimately overcoming a giant Alligator Crocodillion, you had to be there. One stumbles upon this stuff by having a hoarde of Minionerds who answer when King Kockroach calls. First heard TMB on radio 4 years back?, then BBC digital cul-de-sac tv. 2nd series probably the best. Film supposed to be on the way?, maybe?
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Old 03-29-2011, 01:21 PM   #1657
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holy shit.

holy sheeeeit pjcr. wow, dog bless man..
so, bein a bit opportunistic: wonderin about that spleen..
threw it away,huh??
well, since you Euro guys get all the cool shit(judging from this last adventure of yours; evidentally get to do a lot of cool shit too..)
I was just wondering if it was a Euro only spleen..?? we don't get a lot of this non US stuff,....
Now, i know you threw it away, but thinkin .. how hard would it be to import and register something like that??? definately a gray market thing...well, i have a dual citizenship UK passport, and I guess w/ some DNA mapping??
well, anyhoo...
get well soon..
inmates are thinkin of you.
Cheers.
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Old 03-30-2011, 05:40 AM   #1658
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http://www.lineoutrecords.com/downloads/Spucktute_Headache/ - Download Spucktute single 'I Can Feel A Headache Coming On' as Zipfile inc. NAME remix of Death After Life. Ta. Like it or loathe it - either way 4Q
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Old 03-31-2011, 10:18 PM   #1659
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Flippin' neighbour knocked on me door at 2:30am this morning. Can you believe that? 2:30am!

Luckily for him I was still up playing me Bagpipes...

S'truth!


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Old 03-31-2011, 10:19 PM   #1660
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Old 04-01-2011, 02:31 AM   #1661
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Old 04-01-2011, 08:41 AM   #1662
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Playin yer bagpipes means something totally different here.
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Old 04-02-2011, 05:08 AM   #1663
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Playin yer bagpipes means something totally different here.
Ah, that may be what we refer to round dese partz as 'shaka da bollo'... I have to point out though that I am allergic to actual bagpipes so please ensure they are not played within 50 yards of me. Thankyou...
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planktonnn screwed with this post 04-02-2011 at 05:28 AM
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Old 04-03-2011, 01:48 AM   #1664
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Ah, that may be what we refer to round dese partz as 'shaka da bollo'... I have to point out though that I am allergic to actual bagpipes so please ensure they are not played within 50 yards of me. Thankyou...
Definition: Scottish Gentleman - A lad who can play the 'pipes, but doesn't.
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Old 04-03-2011, 11:00 AM   #1665
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Hi all.....not much to report except for the fact that as each day goes by, I feel better and better and better. Can't post much, due to the fact that posting makes me want to smoke cigarettes and drink whisky, neither of which is conducive to my overall health, so I'm just passing through. Hope all your motorcycles go vroooooooomm!!
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