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View Results: I have been to the county of Fuckshire, it was ...
Nice? 27 13.30%
Nasty? 26 12.81%
Nasty but nice? 150 73.89%
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Old 12-22-2013, 01:37 PM   #4786
planktonnn OP
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Originally Posted by Lornce View Post


Glad to know you're ow'right, guv.

Bones don't matter, can still walk & talk, all as usual
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Old 12-22-2013, 01:49 PM   #4787
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Originally Posted by pjcr12 View Post
Oh... is the revolution still on? I've been waiting for that fucker since 1976.
Unfortunately I have the sad duty of informing you that it's an imaginary revolution with no physical representation at all. It's not even one of those 'Change Is In Your Head Maaaaaaan' type of imaginary revolutions. It's completely & entirely fictional. I'm sorry to have got your hopes up.

But then you of all know this entire thread is a fiction. A complicated and convoluted ruse to set up a back story for a totally imaginary set of invented protagonists and an imaginary Motosickle Manufactuary with the sole aim of being able to sell caps & T-shits at a massive markup
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Old 12-23-2013, 01:00 PM   #4788
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Interesting reading @ http://www.rattlebars.com/tirewear/



Oh by the Little Baby Cheesus* changing that front tyre/ire has ripped it out of me. The trouble with the front paddock stand I've got is that a very small (soon to be ground out) piece of the frame blocks the axle from coming out the right side on the K front end I have fitted, so you (I) have to:
  • Get the front & rear paddock stands in.
  • Remove the calipers**
  • Loosen the axle bolt & axle pinch bolts.
  • Start to tap the axle thru/ough to loosen it with a wooden drift***
  • Rig my piston jack under a bit of wood under the sump and jack the front end very slightly off the paddock stand to allow removal of the axle. It's not unstable but I do tend to tell anyone holding it to just jump out the way if it were to fall.
  • Remove the axle and remember the order of the spacers**** even though it's totally obvious & I've had them in & out a thousand times no trouble.
  • Drop the jack to settle the forks back down on the stand to improve stability while you go in out of the rain to swap the tire/yre out. preferably with the axle in place in an attempt to retain some form of alignment*****
  • And, er, that's it. Well that's not it, but it's it as far as the first part of it is concerned.
All of this and what followed was only made possible by the addition of a press ganged helper, that being my Musical Igor/Obelix/Watson named Paul, tho/ough my children used to call him Uncle Ugly, tho/ough that was because I taught them to******

And he had a big torch.

So having got the wheel out and placed cones around the paddock standed bike I took the wheel inside and there undertook to wrestle with the bloody thing, and not like in that scene from 'Women in Love'. Whilst I most often find the act of getting the bead down off into the centre of the rim to ease removal, this time the fucker just didn't want to move, so cue half an hour of jabbing with tyre/ire irons, liberal lubrication and standing on the bloody thing in a variety of ungainly & frankly dangerous combinations.

Eventually we beat it by the co-ordinated application of 4 irons & a whole lot of hate. I must admit that at this point my primary concern was to arrange ourselves so that a slipping tyre/ire iron didn't result in punching the other in the face and thence to the inevitable subsequent pugilistic fisticuffs. Eventually it bloody gave in and the tire/yre was fully off in less than a minute. See, that's the thing with these rubbery bastards - once they give in, they go all the way... It had taken far more effort than it should have and I was bloody exhausted/sweating buckets. Since the heart attack I can barely function at 15% of the admittedly poor level at which I could previously. I'm not whining, I know for sure there are others in much worse circumstances who are facing them with far more apparent dignity than I could muster. Just saying, I was bloody shot.

But, anyway, having wrestled the blasted thing off I cleaned the rim, applied a liberal dose of supermarket shower wash (10p for 500ml) and took to getting the new tyre/ire on. This simple task proved troublesome too, because when I'd persuaded the first bead on with much half hearted wrenching I discovered that the other side had slipped on too while we weren't looking... This of course wouldn't matter with a standard K front setup, but I prefer to run an innertube too as it does no harm, and I'd refer you to a long past post where I got a front puncture and the beads slipped off the rim leaving me wobbling back & forth across the road as I was of course unable to use my tire/yre mousse to give a temporary fix. So anyway back to today, the end result was that I had to get a bead off again to insert the inner tube and then get the bead on again. Not a difficult task in itself, but by this time my energy bar was depleted and this Boss Battle was doing all it could to defeat me, not least because I was no longer thinking straight.

And I blame this for the trouble I had getting the front wheel back in the bike. So, jack the bike back up 3mm and get the wheel & spacers in, and proceed to attempt to bang the axle in place. It went thru/ough most of the way ok, but the alignment was slightly out and it wouldn't drive fully across into the left side. I felt this was burring on the left hole so took out the axle/wheel and smoothed the passage with light emery paper before trying again with the axle & spacers. Only this time I wasn't concentrating and mixed up the spacers, which lead to another failure. By various enormously taxing jiggery & pokery the third attempt worked and I was able to assemble the front end, reattach brakes, tighten everything that needed tightening, heave a sigh of relief etc.

You know that when I bitch about Promenade Percy Vanity Bike Makers & their lovely facilities & their selling of merch to make themselves feel as if they're actually someone and stuff I'm fully aware of just what an incapable twat I am

Now, if you'll forgive me, I'm off to get a front puncture & smash another headlight.




* Like your Jesus but made of holy cheese.
** The wheel won't come out past them as the rim & tire/yre foul.
*** So as not to damage the threads on the end of the axle, as I have on the dormant K75 which now needs a tiny bit of attention with an appropriately sized tap.
**** I forgot to do this.
***** I forgot to do this.
****** I also taught my oldest son, when he was a toddler to say 'Schumacher Stinks', and this came in handy when we found ourselves at the Goodwood FOS standing next to one Sir John Young 'Jackie' Stewart. Little Joe was on my shoulder and recited the phrase on cue, much to JYS's amusement.
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Old 12-24-2013, 07:26 AM   #4789
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What size tap do you require?

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Old 12-24-2013, 07:40 AM   #4790
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I don't know where this originated but it just came to me by that dear thought consort what lives in the castle in southern Frenchland:

1. Most Blues begin, "Woke up this morning..."

2. "I got a good woman" is a bad way to begin the Blues, unless you stick
something nasty in the next line like "I got a good woman, with the meanest
face in town."

3. The Blues is simple. After you get the first line right, repeat it. Then
find something that rhymes... sort of: "Got a good woman with the meanest
face in town. Yeah, I got a good woman with the meanest face in town. Got
teeth like Margaret Thatcher, and she weigh 500 pound."

4. The Blues is not about choice. If you stuck in a ditch, you stuck in a
ditch. Ain't no way out.

5. Blues cars: Chevys, Fords, Cadillacs and broken-down trucks. Blues don't
travel in Volvos, BMWs, or Sport Utility Vehicles. Most Blues
transportation is via a Greyhound bus or a southbound train. Jet aircraft
an' state-sponsored motor pools ain't even in the runnin'. Walkin' plays a
major part in the blues lifestyle. So does fixin' to die.

6. Teenagers can't sing the Blues. They ain't fixin' to die yet. Adults
sing the Blues. In Blues, "adulthood" means being old enough to get the
electric chair if you shoot a man in Memphis.

7. Blues can take place in New York City, but not in Hawaii or any place in
Canada. Hard times in Minneapolis or Seattle is probably just clinical
depression. Chicago, St. Louis, and Kansas City are still the best places
to have the Blues. You cannot have the blues in any place that don't get
rain.

8. A man with male pattern baldness ain't the blues. A woman with male
pattern baldness is. Breaking your leg cause you skiing is not the blues.
Breaking your leg 'cause a alligator be chompin' on it is.

9. You can't have no Blues in a office or a shopping mall. The lighting is
wrong. Go outside to the parking lot or sit by the dumpster.

10. Good places for the Blues:
a. highway
b. jailhouse
c. empty bed
d. bottom of a whiskey glass

Bad places:
a. Dillard's
b. gallery openings
c. Ivy League institutions
d. golf courses

11. No one will believe it's the Blues if you wear a suit, 'less you happen
to be a old ethnic person, and you sleep in it.

12. Do you have the right to sing the Blues?

Yes, if:
a. you older than dirt
b. you blind
c. you shot a man in Memphis
d. you can't be satisfied.

No, if:
a. you have all your teeth
b. you were once blind but now can see
c. the man in Memphis lived
d. you have a 401K or trust fund

13. Blues is not a matter of color. It's a matter of bad luck. Tiger Woods
cannot sing the blues. Sonny Liston could. Ugly white people also got a leg
up on the blues.

14. If you ask for water and your darlin' give you gasoline, it's the
Blues. Other acceptable Blues beverages are:
a. cheap wine
b. whiskey or bourbon
c. muddy water
d. nasty black coffee

The following are NOT Blues beverages:
a. Perrier
b. Chardonnay
c. Snapple
d. Slim Fast

15. If death occurs in a cheap motel or a shotgun shack, it's a Blues
death. Stabbed in the back by a jealous lover is another Blues way to die.
So is the electric chair, substance abuse, and dying lonely on a
broken-down cot. You can't have a Blues death if you die during a tennis
match or while getting liposuction.

16. Some Blues names for women:
a. Sadie
b. Big Mama
c. Bessie
d. Fat River Dumpling

17. Some Blues names for men:
a. Joe
b. Willie
c. Little Willie
d. Big Willie

18. Persons with names like Michelle, Amber, Debbie, and Heather can't sing
the Blues no matter how many men they shoot in Memphis.

19. Make your own Blues Name Starter Kit:
a. name of physical infirmity (Blind, Cripple, Lame, etc.)
b. first name (see above) plus name of fruit (Lemon, Lime, Kiwi,
etc.)
c. last name of President (Jefferson, Johnson, Fillmore, etc.)

For example, Blind Lime Jefferson, Jakeleg Lemon Johnson or Cripple Kiwi
Fillmore, etc. (Well, maybe not "Kiwi.")

20. I don't care how tragic your life: if you own a computer, you cannot
sing the blues.
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Old 12-24-2013, 07:44 AM   #4791
planktonnn OP
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Dirtyboydeadly View Post
What size tap do you require?
Not sure, but it's the thread end of a K front axle. Will wave it in front of Dave at some point when I get to thinking about rebuilding the Me MW K-Rat, which is not yet.

Still short of a radiator & generator + a few electrics but most of it's there.
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Old 12-24-2013, 12:01 PM   #4792
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If you loved me you would kill me.
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Old 12-25-2013, 02:06 PM   #4793
garfey
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Location: Deep East Texas
Oddometer: 3,596
Front puncture?
Busted headlight?
Boogered-up axle threads?
Christmas blahs?
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Old 12-26-2013, 04:35 AM   #4794
planktonnn OP
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Quote:
Originally Posted by garfey View Post
Front puncture?
Busted headlight?
Boogered-up axle threads?
Christmas blahs?
Quite.


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Old 12-26-2013, 04:38 AM   #4795
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Originally Posted by planktonnn View Post
****** I also taught my oldest son, when he was a toddler to say 'Schumacher Stinks', and this came in handy when we found ourselves at the Goodwood FOS standing next to one Sir John Young 'Jackie' Stewart. Little Joe was on my shoulder and recited the phrase on cue, much to JYS's amusement.
JYS on another occasion, at Rockingham Speedway UK with Lady Helen & the circuit CEO.

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Old 12-26-2013, 06:54 AM   #4796
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Old 12-26-2013, 07:17 AM   #4797
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Old 12-26-2013, 07:49 AM   #4798
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Quote:
Originally Posted by planktonnn View Post
I don't know where this originated but it just came to me by that dear thought consort what lives in the castle in southern Frenchland:

1. Most Blues begin, "Woke up this morning..."

2. "I got a good woman" is a bad way to begin the Blues, unless you stick
something nasty in the next line like "I got a good woman, with the meanest
face in town."

3. The Blues is simple. After you get the first line right, repeat it. Then
find something that rhymes... sort of: "Got a good woman with the meanest
face in town. Yeah, I got a good woman with the meanest face in town. Got
teeth like Margaret Thatcher, and she weigh 500 pound."

4. The Blues is not about choice. If you stuck in a ditch, you stuck in a
ditch. Ain't no way out.

5. Blues cars: Chevys, Fords, Cadillacs and broken-down trucks. Blues don't
travel in Volvos, BMWs, or Sport Utility Vehicles. Most Blues
transportation is via a Greyhound bus or a southbound train. Jet aircraft
an' state-sponsored motor pools ain't even in the runnin'. Walkin' plays a
major part in the blues lifestyle. So does fixin' to die.

6. Teenagers can't sing the Blues. They ain't fixin' to die yet. Adults
sing the Blues. In Blues, "adulthood" means being old enough to get the
electric chair if you shoot a man in Memphis.

7. Blues can take place in New York City, but not in Hawaii or any place in
Canada. Hard times in Minneapolis or Seattle is probably just clinical
depression. Chicago, St. Louis, and Kansas City are still the best places
to have the Blues. You cannot have the blues in any place that don't get
rain.

8. A man with male pattern baldness ain't the blues. A woman with male
pattern baldness is. Breaking your leg cause you skiing is not the blues.
Breaking your leg 'cause a alligator be chompin' on it is.

9. You can't have no Blues in a office or a shopping mall. The lighting is
wrong. Go outside to the parking lot or sit by the dumpster.

10. Good places for the Blues:
a. highway
b. jailhouse
c. empty bed
d. bottom of a whiskey glass

Bad places:
a. Dillard's
b. gallery openings
c. Ivy League institutions
d. golf courses

11. No one will believe it's the Blues if you wear a suit, 'less you happen
to be a old ethnic person, and you sleep in it.

12. Do you have the right to sing the Blues?

Yes, if:
a. you older than dirt
b. you blind
c. you shot a man in Memphis
d. you can't be satisfied.

No, if:
a. you have all your teeth
b. you were once blind but now can see
c. the man in Memphis lived
d. you have a 401K or trust fund

13. Blues is not a matter of color. It's a matter of bad luck. Tiger Woods
cannot sing the blues. Sonny Liston could. Ugly white people also got a leg
up on the blues.

14. If you ask for water and your darlin' give you gasoline, it's the
Blues. Other acceptable Blues beverages are:
a. cheap wine
b. whiskey or bourbon
c. muddy water
d. nasty black coffee

The following are NOT Blues beverages:
a. Perrier
b. Chardonnay
c. Snapple
d. Slim Fast

15. If death occurs in a cheap motel or a shotgun shack, it's a Blues
death. Stabbed in the back by a jealous lover is another Blues way to die.
So is the electric chair, substance abuse, and dying lonely on a
broken-down cot. You can't have a Blues death if you die during a tennis
match or while getting liposuction.

16. Some Blues names for women:
a. Sadie
b. Big Mama
c. Bessie
d. Fat River Dumpling

17. Some Blues names for men:
a. Joe
b. Willie
c. Little Willie
d. Big Willie

18. Persons with names like Michelle, Amber, Debbie, and Heather can't sing
the Blues no matter how many men they shoot in Memphis.

19. Make your own Blues Name Starter Kit:
a. name of physical infirmity (Blind, Cripple, Lame, etc.)
b. first name (see above) plus name of fruit (Lemon, Lime, Kiwi,
etc.)
c. last name of President (Jefferson, Johnson, Fillmore, etc.)

For example, Blind Lime Jefferson, Jakeleg Lemon Johnson or Cripple Kiwi
Fillmore, etc. (Well, maybe not "Kiwi.")

20. I don't care how tragic your life: if you own a computer, you cannot
sing the blues.


edit: You can't sing the blues in an Aerostich riding suit.





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Old 12-26-2013, 08:11 AM   #4799
Lornce
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Old 12-26-2013, 09:01 AM   #4800
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Location: Way Out There.
Oddometer: 17,002



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