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View Results: I have been to the county of Fuckshire, it was ...
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Old 06-24-2010, 06:00 PM   #706
planktonnn OP
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Ah Gilliam :-)
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Old 06-24-2010, 08:31 PM   #707
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Take heart my good fellow.



You're not alone.

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Old 06-25-2010, 03:05 PM   #708
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Lornce
Take heart my good fellow. You're not alone.
Jus' as whot we duzz gon' dun' 'n' zayz 'roun' this'n 'ere 'bout paaaartz 'n' loyk- Cheeeerz moy duck

Am just being open/frank/naked with & in these irrelevant jottings & scribblings. It's all a work in 'progress' (?) of course, while it's vivid & fresh, but have just inked a publishing deal for the iPad/Engadget & multiplatform e-book of it once 'completed' i.e. when I run out of personality and stop :-)

Real stories are so much easier to write, & far better to read than that thurrr made up nonsensicalisationistismical full fiction stuff. Just wait till I get to the bit with the three spanish whores & the donkey



PS - there's no bit with three spanish whores & the donkey.
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Old 06-25-2010, 05:00 PM   #709
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PS - there's no bit with three spanish whores & the donkey.

No, of course not planktonnn, but there was that episode with the three whore-donkeys and the Spanish beast of Burden (Eric, I think his name was....) did a catchy version of 'Mouse of the Lice and Bun', as I recall. Also, I hope you're going to fit in that other episode where I tried to run you over with my little red van and dislocated your shoulder when, for some unexplained reason, I went a bit mental and you were laughing at me as you clung onto my bonnet* as I drove down the road.....? Tenacious, I think sums up your attitude at the time. I still feel slightly guilty about it, even now, as I slurp from a can of Guiness** as I type.

" There was a louse in New Orleans, that baaaalled a piece of bun;
It's pee'd in the ruins of many a poor Goy, and God I was a Nun...
." or something like that.

* 'Hood' in American
** There's nothing else in the house, and I can't write stuff unless I'm partially pissed. I've always hated Guiness but, funnily enough, it's not that bad once you've swallowed some.

ps. I really promise to start my own thread soon, and stop leeching off the back of your's, but somehow it never works out like that; I don't know why. Hey, you know, this Guiness isn't all that bad, I think I'll pop down stairs and get another little tin of it***.

*** I think I'm getting in touch with my inner Irishman, this stuff's pretty good. Where was I? Ah yes, slightly more pissed than before. Today I started on the big shed clearance and I rearranged my ATE caliper collection and sorted the Bings into a neat pile on my new shelf. Lovely. So, I hope you appreciate the fact that I'm typing in a really small font; I'm doing that in order to be inconspicuous so as to not hog your thread too much. See? That's what friends are for. No-one's going to read this shit anyway. Well, they might read it, but they'll take no notice. You know what I've been thinking about today? Intercoolers.
I remembered us talking about dense, cold air tumbling through intake tracts and I began thinking about intercoolers. It didn't amount to anything, but there you go, you can't have everything, but the thought was there, nevertheless. Do you want to form a band? I don't, but I did think about that today, as well. Don't worry, I'll stop soon, I've only got one small can of Guiness left, but I'll tell you this, small cans of Guiness are a fucking lot more efficacious than anti-psychotics meds, I'll tell you that for a fact. Makes me feel as if nothing matters and life's great. Which it is of course; anyone think's different they've gotta be two spanners short of a tool kit, let me tell you. Here's a strange fact about Guiness: the only reason there's Guiness in the house, is due to the fact that the ex-wife's only got one ovary....in some strange way, it affects her iron levels, so months ago she bought a six-pack, which she hasn't touched 'cos she hates the stuff, which has enabled me to drink it for the first time in my life...and I'm 54!! Life, eh? Totally fucking weird, if you ask me. Pssssst.....second can opened....glug glug.... burp. As I've started, I mean to carry on until I stop, hope you don't mind. Anyway, that Lornce bloke seems nice, doesn't he? I think the better sort of American finds their way onto ADV, to be honest. We've only ever met one dickhead on here, and I can't even remember his name.....buuuurp....no, that wasn't it. We're wasted on this site, have I ever mentioned that? The skills we've got, we should be running this world....artists, that what we are, and sensitive with it as well as being hard bastards; what a difference we could make if only the Evil Lizard Folk would do us all a favour, and just die en masse from some horrible disease. Maybe they will, you never know. Hey, you know what I learned yesterday? There's a difference between the spin rate of the Sun's polar and equatorial regions. Yeah! Trouble is, it's going to cause the oceans to slop about (on Earth) and also cause a Crustal Shift. We're fucked, basically, but funnily enough if you can get hold of a boat in time, you'll be like a modern-day Noah. Otherwise, come October 2011, we're all going to die. Can't wait, myself, but then I'm a bit of a moody fucker (unless I'm on the Guiness, obviously, which makes me think there's hope that ADV'er's will rise up and take control). Fuck, but I'm drunk....I'm going to select a completely non-appropriate pic to augment this posting, so that when I peruse this posting tomorrow (sober), I'll cringe with embarassment at the crazy things that alcohol does to the mind.

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Old 06-26-2010, 03:04 AM   #710
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Laugh

My Dearest Count Pietrovich,

Quote:
Originally Posted by pjcr12
Postman Pete, postman Pete, postman Pete & his little red van. Early in the morning, just as day is dawning, he turns up and runs straight over you*
Of course that's going in, though I've got to say I consider that entirely my fault for a whole variety of reasons, primarily that I totally forgot you can't stop a van driving off by holding onto it, that's what resulted in the dislocated shoulder & the eye/tarmac interface – truly, I am not Superman, extensive testing has been conducted, I did not pass. I hate to say it but I actually found it all rather funny, but maybe that's what makes me 'sick'?

We're both 'tenacious' as you so delightfully put it, and as we have agreed we both have an extreme excess of the 'Right, well if you're going to do that then I'm going three steps further' enzyme. And anyway - guilt should be felt by neither the mouse nor the maze, we’re simply
minor planktonic organisms which are but a tiny part of the greater experiment that surrounds and engulfs us all** Also, I was already be-flipp-ed at the start of that fateful week, which I think it may have been the cumulative result of the toxic fumes of 'life' & conciousness intermixing with the very high levels of clear-coat vapour that still in my blood stream, therefore uber-addling my little brain box, such as it is. Also, I am a twat.

Now I've got to say, for what it's worth, that I would request you must refrain from the 'my thread/your thread' mentality & commentalisationalism - 'Our thread' dear fellow, as if it really matters. I have accepted that I am only half a complete person, as has been amply proven on many an occasion, and you have constantly verified yourself to be my other half when it comes to spanner based/’good god what’s going on here’ situations*** The completion of the STD1 is only the beginning of this thread…

Kindest regards,

Mr Mudd Esq.


* You'd have to be aware of paraphrased kids TV theme tunes to get this one.
** Search Youtube for the 'Pinky & the Brain' theme tune – ‘One is a genius, the others insane’. Or just see post #712!
*** You don't have to wear a dress, I have another other half for that, and no, it's not Astral.


Ps - I'll save your attached pic-lette for a chapter frontice-piece.
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planktonnn screwed with this post 06-26-2010 at 04:42 AM Reason: To add & subtract...
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Old 06-26-2010, 03:28 AM   #711
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Thumb This man knew he would die the next day...

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Old 06-26-2010, 04:24 AM   #712
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Laugh I've saved you the bother of looking...

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Old 06-26-2010, 05:47 AM   #713
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Steady on, lad

Hmmm....funnily enough, I awoke this morning without either a hangover, or a sense of embarrassment...truly Guinness is a wondrous nectar-based mental additive with miraculous properties...must drink more of it. Now then, a word about that last pic, it's not mine but belongs to that bloke Gary Larson*, a genius of the cartooning world who makes me laugh both internally and externally which, as we know, is the best kind of laughing a man can do....also I take your point about being your other half** although with the following proviso: I am your other nine tenths ok? With you being a short-arse and me being akin to a risen god with extra height, I'm sure you'll agree that the fractional ratio is somewhat in my favour, especially when we take into account the following criteria:

a) handsomeness
b) intelligence
c) aggressive shoutyness
d) van-based homicidal tendencies
e) poetic sensibility
f) Airhead wiring confidence (not to be confused with 'expertise')
g) Number of illegitimate children
h) Bank-robbing siblings
i) Quantity of metric spanners owned

Obviously, you do have one or two qualities that are worth mentioning, but I won't. Also, can you imagine how that dickhead (still can't remember his name) must be spinning with fury at our self-referential and indulgent postings? That in itself makes me happy to be alive, for but the briefest of moments......tra laaaaa, fol-de-rol-dol and a hey-nonny-no (twice)

Ok, enough drollery; serious stuff. Having made a few on-line chums within the old's cool fraternity, especially those who hail from the more southernly states of the Yoo Ess Aay (I'm thinkin' Louisiann, Alabamm an' Caroline (both N+S) an' some of them other places around there) I have this to say: for fuck's sake get at least a couple of hundred miles inland as soon as possible if you can...I know that crude and that dispersant is already getting sucked up and falling as hard rain, but when that massive methane bubble blows, ain't nobody gonna surf those Martha Farquar tsunami waves......BP = 'bastard people'. Oh, and they're not 'British' ok? I don't even think they qualify as human any more....I'd run 'em over with my little red van, then reverse, and run 'em over again just to be sure, but you know, I do have anger-management issues that not even little cans of Guinness can deal with.

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Old 06-26-2010, 06:27 AM   #714
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Hmmmm......(#54367)

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Old 06-26-2010, 06:53 AM   #715
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Wink Steady on, Dad :-D

Ah yes of course, Larson now I look at it properly, but then I've seen your secret scribbles that are far better than his stuff I'm still waiting for you to render a version of my 'Caution, Mime Field' quip, let alone the 'Forgive them father for they know not what they do' one.

I'll just skip over your 'a - i of why I is bestest' list and let you have your 9/10ths delusion. If it it 'helps' you then who am I to contradict

Re: Mr Richard Head Esq. et al, as I said at the time people have both the right & capability to furk right off if they don't like the conversation. We were sitting at this table first & we can talk about anything we like in any way we like...

During my sojourn from sanity (& 'new' build laptop/system) I seem to have lost the 'attach file' button below in the options section of the reply to thread page?, or not got the hang of any new fangled attachment method b coz i is stewpid?, so instead I'll just refer you to this page, if you've not seen the image before. Seems all very premeditated to me...

I'm sorry to have to tell you that one 'tra laaaaa, fol-de-rol-dol and a hey-nonny-no' is more than sufficient thank you very much. As you know I'm not a great fan of that wretched god-damn-awful-folking-folk-music, which simply strikes me as an audio based historical re-enactment rather than a living & relevant cultural form, and to my tiny mind it should be banned forthwith, henceforth & evermore. May I remind you of the HORROR that was 'Pete & Shirley' @ the Limelight? As a studio engineer I've always declined work at the merest hint of the f word.

And is it just me*, or do you keep omitting** the responses*** to your asterisks?
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Old 06-26-2010, 03:53 PM   #716
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"Ah yes of course, Larson now I look at it properly, but then I've seen your secret scribbles that are far better than his stuff I'm still waiting for you to render a version of my 'Caution, Mime Field' quip, let alone the 'Forgive them father for they know not what they do' one".

Yes, it's true about my secret dribbles, but that's what you get when you cop a dose of Pilonidal Sinus***....fucking nasty, and not in a nice way let me tell you. I'm working on the 'Caution Mime Field' and 'Forgive them, Father..'
cartoon ideas* which I'm hoping to debut right here just as soon as I get my arse in gear....

I'll just skip over your 'a - i of why I is bestest' list and let you have your 9/10ths delusion. If it it 'helps' you then who am I to contradict

Thass Korrek, it does 'help' but not quite as much as I thought it would. In fact, it only helps 1/10th, which is a bit ironic really.

Re: Mr Richard Head Esq. et al, as I said at the time people have both the right & capability to furk right off if they don't like the conversation. We were sitting at this table first & we can talk about anything we like in any way we like..

See, that's why you're a Martha Farquar....but what table? This is a motorcycling forum, not a restaurant planktonnn, ease up on the little green pills or else people are going to think you're a bit weird, ok?

During my sojourn from sanity (& 'new' build laptop/system) I seem to have lost the 'attach file' button below in the options section of the reply to thread page?, or not got the hang of any new fangled attachment method b coz i is stewpid?, so instead I'll just refer you to this page, if you've not seen the image before. Seems all very premeditated to me...

See pic (and yes it was premedicated, that's what the little green pills are for)

As a studio engineer I've always declined work at the merest hint of the f word.

What, fucking? But you swear all the time.....

And is it just me*, or do you keep omitting** the responses*** to your asterisks?[/quote]

Yes, that's quite right, I do keep omitting the asterisk things. I'll try to do better in future**.

*No I'm not, because I'm slap bang in the middle of a creative crisis on the one hand, and on the other I'd forgotten all about them. You should remind me of stuff more often so I don't forget things. I have short, mid and long-term memory problems due to the herbal abuse issues I've been struggling with for the last 1/4 century.

**See?

***So, in the last 12 months I've had a heart attack, a head injury, two psychotic episodes, a fucking awful gum infection and a Pilonidal Sinus....all told, this has cost me the equivalent of $20 in prescription charges....damn this socialist medical system we have to put up with here in Limey Land!! I don't know where I find the time (and money) to build airheads and live a bohemian life of self-indulgent, anti-authoritarian, drug-addled whimsey, like I do. It's just not fair.

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Old 06-27-2010, 12:00 PM   #717
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Hmmm....(#636352)

I'm going to keep doing things like this until someone sends me $10,000


planktonnn message

1) Control panel
2) Edit options
3) Miscegenation options (sorry, that should be 'miscellaneous')
4) choose 'Enhanced interface - Full WYSIWYG Editing
5) Get baptised
6) Become Pope
7) Shave your head, paint it blue.

As I've been helpful on the above, how the fork can I upload gifs? Eh? Or WMV's? EH?

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Old 06-27-2010, 12:08 PM   #718
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Old 06-27-2010, 12:51 PM   #719
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Hmmm...(#2341a)

'Dogging' is a particularly British, summer-evening, pastime involving alfresco carnal relations and crowds of voyeurs.....funnily enough, the Police have been told to not get involved.

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Old 06-27-2010, 02:15 PM   #720
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Laugh Please Help!?!

Quote:
Originally Posted by pjcr12
I'm EH?
Yes dear fellow, I hate to say it but I knew that: my 'new' old (amalgamated build) machine/system doesn't like retaining options changes unless you delete the current cookie, and however I set the options it doesn't give me an add attachments button, whereas this machine (which is elsewhere than the other on which I have the issue) does give me an add attachments button, I suspect it's a browser version problem or some other flash/Java shit.

Regarding the Pope stuff, as you know I wrote to offer myself for the job last time & and they took zero notice... I'm a little worried about the current pope, he says he's changed his views since the days in the Hilter Youth, but what if he changes back again? Also, I have no impression that I am Prince Albert of Monaco. But still, having found your former advice so very very very helpful and not at all what I had already tried first, perhaps explain can you:
  • How to use a can opener?
  • What is a can?
  • Do you need to open it?
  • How do I walk?
  • How do I switch my computer on?
  • Is the trombone the only brass instrument with which you can assault someone in the act of playing it?
  • Is there any system of transferable labour value where I can get a token of some sort which is interchangable with anybody for anything anywhere, rather than just doing direct exchange or barter?
  • What is the water that sometimes falls from the sky?
  • What is the sky?
  • Is it falling down?
  • Where do vegetables come from and do they feel pain?
  • Is there a way of mounting flat wooden platforms on a wall so that you can put things on them for storage purposes, and if so what would they be called?
  • Is there a way I can open my mouth & make sounds which other people will understand?
  • How are babies made?
  • Do some men love other men & what goes where?
  • Which is more fun, pogo stick or atomic oblivion?
  • On a bad hair day, are you bigfoot?
  • Can you tell me how to explain to a deaf person how drugs make music sound better?
  • What is the colour orange?
  • Is this the real life, is it just fantasy?
  • Am I caught in a land slide etc.?
  • What are these motorbicycles to which you constantly refer?
  • Breathing is a mystery, can you help?
I do so hope you can bring me up to speed on these and so many other matters.

Kind regards,

Mr Person who built your computer Esq.
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