I give up. Which chain oiler should I get?

[panhead_dan]

I didn't read the whole thread so forgive me if this was already covered but you already have a chain oiler on your bike, most likely. They have it routed to your air cleaner currently.
Re-route the crank case vent to the chain.

[anotherguy]

^^^^^^^^
Bad idea. They "breathe",i.e. inhale and exhale. Nothing like a bunch of road debris floating around in your oil.

[panhead_dan]

they exhale at a greater rate than they inhale. No dust can get in there. There is a youtube vid showing this using a balloon on the end of the hose.
Virtually all older vehicles used to have the vent open to the atmosphere and in some cases way down low, close to the ground. The only reason they changed this is the epa wanted to re-burn the oily gasses.

It does work and it's mostly free.