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Old 05-14-2010, 10:04 AM   #1
missthemso OP
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Joined: May 2010
Location: California
Oddometer: 3
Get Lost - Ride to Forget

I'm not sure how to start this so I'll begin with: three months ago on February 13, I lost my whole immediate family in a car crash. My parents died instantly, my sister lingered for four days on life support until they shut it off as per her wishes (DNR etc). My brother in law, who was driving, was critical; he's okay but I haven't talked to him in two weeks and don't intend to for a while. It wasn't his fault but every time I think about him I want to hit him, so keep myself away.

Last summer some friends of my girlfriend got me into riding. Started out on their old GS500, did the MSF thing and got my license, then got myself an old Honda. Liked it enough to keep doing it. Nice thing about Cali is the weather lets you ride all year. Good stuff.

My family passing has completely derailed my life. Some say I'm lucky that my parents were so thorough; they had everything in order for when they passed, and in these last three months everything has been like clockwork. Funerals, bills paid, house paid off, etc. I inherited it all, but thanks to my parents there was very little hassle.

The personal stuff however has been...tough. I can't go a week without breaking down; I quit my job to get things together but can't bring myself to find another. I can't stand my family right now, or their pity or tears or sadness.

So two days ago I packed up my bike and left. Just rode away without telling anybody. My girlfriend knows now but I don't want to be found for a while. I've lived in Cali my whole life; never went anywhere except once or twice to Texas to visit family I don't know.

I know I'm running. My girlfriend, the only person I'm still talking to, thinks this is a bad idea but knows if she disagrees with me I'll cut her out. I would too. I don't even know why I'm posting here because this isn't a ride report: I don't want to take pictures, I don't want to remember my route, I don't want company or acknowledgment or whatever. I want my family back. The bike seemed the most economical option so I took it.

I'm set for a while. A long while. My parents were prepared for this and I could travel for a year, living in hotels every night, and it would barely make a dent in what I now have. Hell, I could get another bike and it would just scratch the surface.

God. I wrote that last paragraph and had to stop to cry. Perhaps being on a bike right now isn't smart but I don't give a fuck. I just need.....

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Old 05-14-2010, 10:16 AM   #2
matatigres
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Joined: Feb 2010
Location: Chicago
Oddometer: 110
Keep rolling

Shitty news all over the board...that sucks man, not really much to say but the usual, stay strong, things will get better with time. Make sure you enjoy the ride, and get stronger as the miles go by. There is a ton of new things to get psyched about as the new world comes at you. Peace.
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Old 05-14-2010, 10:16 AM   #3
East Coast Rider
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Joined: Nov 2007
Location: Stuck somewhere in motorcycle Purgatory
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Oh, man. This absolutely horrbile...I am so sorry.

You find yourself in the Charleston, SC area and need a place to crash for the night...call. You break down anywhere remotely near here...call. I have a truck and trailer. Anything I have that you need, is yours. You call, I haul.


Be careful out there.
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Old 05-14-2010, 10:19 AM   #4
mikesocal
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I hope you find what you are looking for on the road. You'd be surprised how therapeutic meeting complete strangers can be.

Stay safe!
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Old 05-14-2010, 10:21 AM   #5
Happy Rider
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i'm sorry to hear of your loss. it doesn't sound like you're running away to me. motorcycles are a great place to be to have quiet time to yourself. dont cut everyone out of your life. when you need to stop and cry, stop and cry. if it doesnt start to taper down to something more manageable within a reasonable time, consider seeing your doctor. depression can be a steep and dangerous road to slide down. its really hard to get back up if it goes to far.
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Old 05-14-2010, 10:26 AM   #6
srileo
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Joined: Aug 2006
Location: San Francisco
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missthemso,
i am so startled by your post. you might not find what you are looking for on the road, but you will find some healing, thats for sure. getting on a bike and going away helped me a long time ago. i am in san francisco and if you need help, advise etc please write, call.

do take photographs, they can be very cathartic.
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Old 05-14-2010, 10:28 AM   #7
Lion BR
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Joined: Oct 2005
Location: Oregon
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Helmet time is always a good thing if you ask me. Thanks for sharing your story. Talking to complete strangers can be great help. Also, you probably already know this, and others may have already mentioned this to you, but you can always get professional help. It can really make a difference!
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Old 05-14-2010, 10:29 AM   #8
GS650Lady
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Thumb And Then You Ride

I would do the same. Being on the road and experiencing different people and places are a great way to work through your grief and put your head together.
Please reconsider this being a ride report. Maybe not this week or next, but soon you will come across things that will make you shake your head, or smile, or both. Post it here and let us share in your adventure. Sometimes an anonymous group of "friends" are really good for the soul.

I wish you peace and a safe journey.
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Old 05-14-2010, 10:38 AM   #9
Uglyprimate
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Joined: Jul 2006
Location: Fort Whine Indiana
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Some would call it "running away"

Others would call it "a voyage of re-discovery"

You think you lost the most important things in your life.

Perhaps you just "misplaced" them and it's time to look elsewhere.

Get yourself a camera and keep posting. Pictures help to find the things your eyes forgot.

Ride safe and ride smart.
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Old 05-14-2010, 10:40 AM   #10
misterk
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Joined: May 2008
Location: North Richland Hills Texas
Oddometer: 52
Praying for you

I know we have never met, but I have quite a bit of experience in these situations. My advice is Go! In my life there is nothing more therapeutic than traveling on a motorcycle.

I somewhat understand what you are going through. The stages of grief are as follows:

1. Denial
2. Anger
3. Bargaining/blaming
4. Depression
5. Acceptance

this usually takes about a year to get from 1-5. A person of faith can usually get to 5. However depending on their faith, they might get stuck between #2 and #4 for years.

Sounds like you have a good head on your shoulders and made some wise decisions financially and taking the MSF course. If you ever want to talk pm me and I will send you my phone number.

The loss of a loved one is something you shouldn't have a goal of trying to get over, but over time you will get through. Sounds like your parents were some very thoughtful and awesome people.

Take comfort in the love you had for those you lost, remember them for who they were. Carry a picture of them as you travel.

Sincerely,
Kevin
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Old 05-14-2010, 10:47 AM   #11
mmitchell57
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Joined: Oct 2008
Location: Two Hollars to the West, NC
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I had a time in my life where it was very bad. I had to work through it even though I was young. I hate to hear how things have gone for you, but you know what you need. The only thing others can do it listen and support your decisions. Your trip is your chance to heal on your terms. Loosing family will make it tough, but in the end you will be strong and more able minded.

The only things to keep in mind:

1. Don't give up.
2. If you feel like giving up, call someone that cares enough for you to listen and won't tell you what you need to do.

If you need some help, shoot me a PM and I can listen and can offer a place ot stay if things need be.
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Old 05-14-2010, 10:52 AM   #12
Weekend_warrior
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Stage 5 is where you want to be. I can take a while to get there. I don't think you are yet. I can't imagine your grief.

I hope you find what you are looking for.

Don't shut your girl out. She just wants to help. If she does want to help that obviously means she cares about you and is thinking of you in your time of need. Always a good thing. If something like that happened to my friend I would help in anyway that I could. Its nice to know your friends are down for you and have your back. Don't shut the true ones out. You will find out who they are.

Good luck and have a safe journey. Experience life and figure out where you want to be.
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Old 05-14-2010, 10:56 AM   #13
hilslamer
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Joined: Jan 2007
Location: Chch, EnZed
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Quote:
Originally Posted by GS650Lady
Please reconsider this being a ride report. Maybe not this week or next, but soon you will come across things that will make you shake your head, or smile, or both. Post it here and let us share in your adventure. Sometimes an anonymous group of "friends" are really good for the soul.
+1

The best I can offer is:
"Life is 10% what happens to you, and 90% how you deal with it."
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Old 05-14-2010, 10:58 AM   #14
Bug Dr.
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Joined: Apr 2008
Location: Southern Ozarks
Oddometer: 245
Every mile ridden is a little more therapy. I hope you can find peace on the road and peace under your helmet while in the process of travelling.
Mike
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Old 05-14-2010, 11:09 AM   #15
OUTLAND MOTO
And then suddenly....
 
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Location: Pittsburgh, PA
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Thumb Wheels Up

Good luck to you, man. I mean it! I sincerely hope the time in your helmet brings you to a brighter place.

Remember: Anger does more damage on the vessel in which its stored, than the vessel on which its poured.

Be safe, and if you can, let us know how you are doing. The people on this site care, and are authentically interested in your well-being. If you make it through Pittsburgh, PA, you have friends here that can help with whatever you need!
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