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Old 10-12-2010, 08:49 AM   #1
hilligan OP
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Location: S. CO.
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The Colorado G.O.D.S. - On a Mission!

In 1984 Cpl. Goose and I were summoned to the Oval Office where we were instructed by President Reagan to explore, map, document, and open up the wild, savage Western lands for civilization where future generations could live, grow and prosper. As we had just gotten back from the Lewis and Clark Expedition, we were rather tired, but President Reagan promised us fame, fortune, grand horizons, unlimited gold, and the opportunity to bring peace and harmony to a savage land.

We knew it would be a long, arduous adventure and we needed a trustworthy guide. As Sacajawea was still out with Lewis & Clark, we called upon the beautiful & intelligent, lovely and talented Park-Yer-Kar-Kus to lead us into the unknown.



The exploration adventure was to last several months but actually ended up taking years. Fortunately, we had packed and planned for an extended trip, but what we didn't plan on was the lack of roads.



Yes, we made it through with much effort, swearing, and flogging our steeds. Sometimes I think I am insane for attempting such paths in my advanced years. But knowing that Cpl. Goose is crazier than me helps me through the rough spots. As we reached the summit of "Where-de-f*k-ah-we", Cpl Goose salutes me and the clan of 'ADVwriderz'


In our travels we came upon many barbaric tribes unknown to us before. Here we meet a tribe of what I think are Apaches. Note how fearless they are, unafraid of the danger or possible death. They were, however, entertaining and semi-friendly. They didn't eat but one of our companions. Fortunately, he was the smallest of our crew.




A few months later we encountered the "Holdmybeerandwatchthis" tribe.


Which loosely translated means, "Those of the Flying Steeds".


They were friendly and offered to trade us a mule for Park-Yer-Kar-Kus, but as she was the only guide we had, we had to decline the offer.

Later we came upon a school-marm and an itinerant preacher. I'll never understand how they survived the wilderness, what with all the uncvilized cannibalistic tribes roaming the countryside. But they were fearless and refused all offers of assistance. Their pack animals were rather small and frail, but they assured us they were up to the task of bringing education and religion to the heathens.

As you can see here, one of the animals was so weary it had to lay down.

In October of ought-10 we reached the North Pole where we were assured we'd find Saintie Clawz, laden with gifts of frankincense, gold, hawt chix, and booze .............

But all we found was Sasquatch. At least he understands the ADV salute.

We communicated through grunts, hand signs, smoke signals, Morse code, and chest thumps and he assured us that just over the ridge we'd find gold. And gold we did find. Enough to last a lifetime.


Gold! GOLD!!!! GOOOOOLD!!!!!!

After we left he North Pole we trekked south for months. Our supplies we running low, water was aplenty but meat was scarce. We finally came upon a pair of strange bears that were extremely aggressive and dangerous. But we needed meat to survive. We were surely doomed without food so we must take the chance and go after the bears. It was either us or them. Cpl Goose set out to lay a trap to keep them from killing us before we had a chance at them. I loaded up my Sharps .50 cal and waited for the signal. Just as I was settling into my hiding place Cpl Goose gave the signal and here they came! 4,000 pounds of mad grizz stompimg, snarling, and slinging snot charging right at me!!!!

I GOT ONE! As luck would have it the thunderous boom scared the other away and we had enough bear meat to last weeks, if not months!

Our hunger sated, it back on the trail again.


The relentless ardors, rigors, near starvation, and cloudless skies were taking a toll on Park-Yer-Kar-Kus. I fear she is only half the woman she used to be.



But as with any adventure, it must come to an end. Yes, death was always near. Fear was a constant companion. We lost many companions and had to eat our horses, but we made it. We fulfilled President Reagan's order to bring peace, prosperity, and civilization to the pagans. As I climb out of the dismal abyss, I bid you adieu.



((((( If it ain't true, it oughta be. )))))
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Old 10-12-2010, 09:20 AM   #2
Curtis in Texas
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Back away from a Canadian Mist a little more often there Hilligan.
I think it's effecting your memory and your imagination has gone ballistic.

But, it was entertaining no the less!
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Old 10-14-2010, 12:42 PM   #3
grtfshrmn
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Colorado G.O.D.S.

Hi Hilligan and Ray,

Looks like a nice ride. Wish I could have been there to show you how to properly drop a KLR. Or any bike...LOL

Hey Hilligan, That first picture, is that of your daughter or twin sister? LOL
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Old 10-14-2010, 04:54 PM   #4
hilligan OP
It'll grow back.
 
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Location: S. CO.
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Quote:
Originally Posted by grtfshrmn
Hey Hilligan, That first picture, is that of your daughter or twin sister? LOL
Neither. I borrowed her from that famous Injun fighter, Moo-Goo-Guy-Pan.
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Old 10-17-2010, 11:54 AM   #5
BmoreBandit
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Great stuff!

Hilarious read with some nice pics! Thank G.O.D., I think there is more to come!
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Old 10-17-2010, 01:30 PM   #6
jimmyx
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so mature for a 12 year old.....
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