To Those Who Do Their Own Work

[seekeronsaltspring]

Make sure there no pieces remaining in the can once the job is done. Signing hanging on washroom door. On back of door is this clipping.

[Uncle Ernie]

Two days ago, I took my engine back apart because I found a washer on the floor nearby. Turns out it was just a random ding-dong washer.

[Skyd1v]

Originally Posted by Uncle Ernie

Two days ago, I took my engine back apart because I found a washer on the floor nearby. Turns out it was just a random ding-dong washer.

Nice to know that has happened to someone else. Tore the entire rear swingarm of my Magna apart once because I found a leftover nut and washer. Wife pointed out to me (2 hours later) that it had dropped off of the garage door.

Thought the KLR was the only thing that needed Lock-Tite? Go figger...

[crazydrummerdude]

I lived with a guy that always ended up with more nuts and bolts than he started with.

One time, his car died at the end of the street. We were helping him get it going when he hopped in the hood and flicked his lighter at the carb to see where the problem was.



(There are still ruts in the street from where he brake-torqued it all the time.)

[claude]

DRILL PRESS: A tall upright machine useful for suddenly snatching flat metal bar stock out of your hands so that it smacks you in the chest.

WIRE WHEEL: Cleans paint off bolts and then throws them somewhere under the workbench with the speed of light. Also removes fingerprints and hard-earned calluses from fingers in about the time it takes you to say, 'Oh sh --'.

PLIERS: Used to round off bolt heads. Sometimes used in the creation of blood-blisters.

BELT SANDER: An electric sanding tool commonly used to convert minor touch-up jobs into major refinishing jobs.

HACKSAW: One of a family of cutting tools built on the Ouija board principle. It transforms human energy into a crooked,
unpredictable motion, and the more you attempt to influence its course, the more dismal your future becomes.

VISE-GRIPS: Generally used after pliers to completely round off bolt heads. If nothing else is available, they can also be used to transfer
intense welding heat to the palm of your hand.

OXYACETYLENE TORCH: Used almost entirely for lighting on fire various flammable objects in your shop. Also handy for igniting the
grease inside the wheel hub out of which you want to remove a bearing race.

HYDRAULIC FLOOR JACK: Used for lowering an automobile to the ground after you have installed your new brake shoes, trapping the jack handle firmly under the bumper.

BAND SAW: A large stationary power saw primarily used by most shops to cut good aluminum sheet into smaller pieces that more easily fit into the trash can after you cut on the inside of the line instead of the outside edge.

TWO-TON ENGINE HOIST: A tool for testing the maximum tensile strength of everything you forgot to disconnect.


PHILLIPS SCREWDRIVER: Normally used to stab the vacuum seals under lids or for opening old-style paper-and-tin oil cans and splashing oil on your shirt; but can also be used, as the name implies, to strip out Phillips screw heads.

STRAIGHT SCREWDRIVER: A tool for opening paint cans. Sometimes used to convert common slotted screws into non-removable screws and butchering your palms.

PRY BAR: A tool used to crumple the metal surrounding that clip or bracket you needed to remove in order to replace a 50 cent part.

HOSE CUTTER: A tool used to make hoses too short.

HAMMER: Originally employed as a weapon of war, the hammer nowadays is used as a kind of divining rod to locate the most expensive parts adjacent the object we are trying to hit.

[AlanCT]

FLASHLIGHT - A cylindrical tube of metal or plastic used to store dead batteries

[NitroMax]

Originally Posted by claude

Toolstory

[outfit]

[QUOTE=claude;15406107]

Tool story - soooooo funny.
Gotten anymore?

[RoundEye]

"Thought the KLR was the only thing that needed Lock-Tite? Go figger... "

Ain't THAT the truth!!!

Originally Posted by Skyd1v

Nice to know that has happened to someone else. Tore the entire rear swingarm of my Magna apart once because I found a leftover nut and washer. Wife pointed out to me (2 hours later) that it had dropped off of the garage door.

Thought the KLR was the only thing that needed Lock-Tite? Go figger...

[claude]

Hydraulic Press:
A tool used to generate enough pressure to shoot various objects at great speed across open areas.

Electric Welding machines:
A magical means to create a very bright light that will stay with you unaware until the wee hours of the morning at which time it will wake you up and dump sand in your eyes.
The MIG type welders are great at creating a huge ball of wire in the shop when left on and walked away from.
TIG welders work well for burning up some perfectly good tungsten material.
ARC welders create weird smells that make folks look at you funny in fancy restaurants.


Lathe: Makes small things out of large things into various sizes. Some good and some not so good. Also can be used to shoot chuck keys across working areas.

Hand Grinder: These come in various sizes and are excellent in taking small or large amounts of skin off of various parts of ones body. A great muti use tool. With a wire brush attached they do an excellent job of testing you to see if you have any loose shirt tails that should be tucked in. With a grinding disc or flapper wheel installed they will test the fire resistance of your pants and or other items of cloting. They also make small things out of large things some good and some bad.

Tubing benders: Excellent means to make straight tubing unstraight so it fits nothing better than a scrap barrel.

Holes saws: The type commonly used in small shops are one of the best tools on the planet for breaking 1/4" drill bits.

Taps: Excellent for filling up perfectly good holes in metal.

Easy outs: Excellent for filling up holes in bolts that are in metal.

[Melrone]

Bike lifts:make a great buffet table at a garage party...Nice tool story.I think you started something...

[bmwhacker]

Siphon Hoses: Alternate term for "sippy straws" (normally used by youngsters who know better than to drink gasoline.)

[Vitruvian Mike]

Siphon Hose (AKA Louisiana Credit Card) - Fuel Bong

[Melrone]

Band saw: great for slicing cheese& sausage