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Old 01-07-2012, 10:47 PM   #16
turnenem
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Fookin hilarious!!!!
Great job, thanks for sharing!!!
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Old 01-08-2012, 09:48 AM   #17
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No worries, glad you're enjoying. I leave tomorrow for another excursion (no bike), so I'm going to try my best to cram, and finish the RR for you guys before I depart. I'm sure the suspense is killing you.

I would leave it up to Jake to finish, but he know's more about changing the oil on XRs then he does about computers.
(see what I did there)
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'Cause I like to party - Story of 2 XR650s conquering Florida
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Old 01-08-2012, 12:23 PM   #18
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Originally Posted by SpeedoJosh View Post
No worries, glad you're enjoying. I leave tomorrow for another excursion (no bike), so I'm going to try my best to cram, and finish the RR for you guys before I depart. I'm sure the suspense is killing you.

I would leave it up to Jake to finish, but he know's more about changing the oil on XRs then he does about computers.
(see what I did there)
Sweet sweet Camaro!
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Old 01-08-2012, 02:34 PM   #19
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**Up to this point I have left out that while Jake’s bike might have been running better then mine, he was definitely riding on borrowed time with his rear tire. On top of that, his chain was about as loose as Jenna Jameson pre-op. **

Ok, so off we are riding towards the Keys and our final destination. Man it feels good, except for the fact that it’s freezing outside and we can’t feel our hands. With the cans of man-up in our blood, we push on, stopping for nothing. We arrive in Marathon, FL, and decide we should grab some grub. I see this place called Herbie’s as we fly by. Immediately flip a biz, and pull in. At this point, we are both ice-sickles,
so we decide to put on more clothing. Jake digs out his jacket, as do I, and we enter.
Eat some amazing food, break our *alcohol only* rule with a couple Yuenglings. We are feeling good. Bust out the map, and decide this is far enough for the night. We really wanted to see the water as we cruised over the 7 mile bridge into the lower keys, and onto Key West. I ask the waitress if there is any place around that we can just throw our bags on the ground and sleep. She gives up info on a place about a mile back that is right on the water, and has two hammocks posted up right there on the beach. Yahtzee!!! She gives us directions, then goes on to tell us that it is private property to the vacation rentals right there on the beach. We see no problem, b/c like stated, we like to party. She insist though that nobody would care anyway.

Armed with a destination, we ride out. We shortly arrive at the rentals, and try to quietly drive through the parking lot to the back, right by the beach. Wasn’t happening with a couple pigs with aftermarket cans. We get a couple looks, but no worries. We park, walk about 10 feet to the beach, another 10 to the hammocks, and about another 10 to the water. Perfect. We bust out our blankies and post up in our beds for the night. Anxious to rise tomorrow and get to Key West.

Jake in his sweet pad


Me in my sweet pad


Ahhh… perfection



30 December

Jake and I awake as the sun rises, without the help from the cops this morning. And this is our view….




With it still being a little chilly, I roll back over and wait for the sun a little longer


Ok, time to get up


I cruise on down to the water


And leave Jake to write in his diary, in fear that I might start losing testosterone if I stayed a second longer


Snap a couple more pics




Now that the sun is up, I can see the name of these fancy vacation rentals. I google it up. BAM!, $500+ a night for one that’s on the water. I think how Jthon and I just camped in the best seats in the house fo’ free.

So, I give a chuckle to the suckers, and declare a victory to us


All this commotion makes us hungry, luckily we were prepared. On the way out the door in Fort Myers, we raided the fridge of snacks and a giant steak. Certain we would find a use for it later. Well, it’s now later and I can’t think of a better breakfast then that.

Jake goes digging in his Wolfman saddles


Luckily these condos had a grill right outside. I brrrappp down to the store and pick up some charcoal and lighter fluid, having to pop to reserve on the way.

It was some weak ass charcoal, let me tell ya


Got a fix for that…



Now this is vacation….


Steak and apples. That’s about every vitamin you could need right there.


We were ill prepared with no cutlery, so we devoured the slab with our bare hands while making primate noises and drawing pictures on the side of the building with our bloody fingers.

After our Breakfast of champions, we pack up and head out. We hit up the gas station on the corner, and Jake is weary of his chain being so loose. Decides he wants to tighten it before we ride the hour or so more south to Key West. So, we stop about a mile down the road at NAPA to borrow a 27mm socket, b/c we failed to bring one.
They didn’t have one either, but the dude let us borrow his channel locks. Jake decides those will suffice, and gets to work.

Doing work


Wait a second, this is going to easy. Ahhh.. much better, the chain tensioning bolt is corroded. Jake buys some pb blaster, and over the course of about 15-20 minutes, blasts the whole can on it.

Let’s see if that work…


No dice. Well, let’s ride on it, and maybe the pb blaster will soak in some. So off we go. Over bridges and bridges of clear water, and through key after key.
















We snapped a lot of pics through that stretch. As we got into Key West, we put the cameras up, and started sight seeing. We rode around the coast, down Duvall St. Then we decided to hit up the beach. Ahhh…

Palmtrees


Coconuts


And nice, ready for swimming water


I decide to bust out the Olympus and swim over to the pier to see if I can catch some fishies chilling out.

Found them hanging out by the stairs




The water wasn’t as clear here as other places. Especially under the bridges and the water on the way into Key West. Guess the surf kicks up a lot of dirt.

After the swim, we decide to sight see some more. We wanted to go to the most southern tip of Florida, and get a pic with the pigs, so off we went. We invisioned this awesome beach, with white sands, clear water, and some rustic sign informing us we had reached it. Well we found it alright, shortly after we left the beach, and then we saw the line. The line was backed up around the corner, just to get a picture with some ugly ass stone, on the side walk, that said “Southern Most Tip” or some bananas. We were let down, and decided not to wait in the line, and rode on. At the light, I look across the street and see something even better…….



As you can see, after seeing the sign, I bolted across the intersection, up and onto the curb. Jake followed suit, and then ran back to snap pics.

One more from Jake


I busted out the Iphone and captured one as well


Feeling like we accomplished our mission, we set out for food. Along our journey, we find a Honda Motorcycle shop in the middle of downtown Key West. Hot Dog, lets see if they can help Jake and his chain. (Really, we just wanted somewhere safe to leave the bikes, while we walk around Duvall street, sightsee, and eat.) So we ride over, ask them if they can look at it, hoping he’d say it’ll be a while and to leave the bikes. Nope. He sends the mechanic over immediately. He looks at it, visually, says he can’t do anything, and walks away. Plan not going so good. We start making small talk with the dude at the desk. He starts accusing us of illegally tagging our XRs, saying it wouldn’t fly in Florida. We tell him they’re both Florida tagged. He grumbles and says we must of done some funny business. I realize he is an old koot, and just nod. He tells us we’re crazy for riding motorcycle down here this time of year. Said we’re gonna die for sure if we aren’t careful. We assure him that we like to party. He then goes on to tell Jake that his chain is shot, and so is his sprocket. Jake disagrees, and they go back and forth a little bit. I intervene before Jake pisses this miserable old dude off, b/c I’d still like to park the bikes here. He agrees to let us park the bikes, so we change shoes, and off we go. Not before some dude comes and hits on Jake though. Telling him how cool his bike is, how much fun it must be. Says he’ll have to get a ride later. Then rubs Jake’s arm a little bit, and play hits him. I walk away and leave Jake to fend for himself. He catches up shortly, blushing like a school girl, and we continue on our mission.

Food! We walk Duvall st. looking at all the shops and restaurants. Scoping out places to party later that night. Nothing really popping out. Then BAM! Sloppy Joe’s. Hells yes! We go in, no need for a menu. You don’t go to a place called “Sloppy Joe’s” and not try the sloppy joe mix. While we wait, we decide it’d be best to get a hotel on the island, party tonight, and leave tomorrow morn. So off I go, trying to find a hotel on New Years weekend in Key West. I make some calls, and find us a room. Sweet, room booked, plans for tonight, and our food is on the way out. This trip is looking good. We scarf down our food. I order an extra side of the sloppy joe mix b/c they obviously put crack in it. Finish that off and we leave. Walk around a little more. Then we head back to the bikes, and to the hotel. We put in the wrong address for the hotel and it leads us off the island. We’re bummed b/c we wanted something close to the action. Re-enter the address, and boom! Right in the heart of the mix. So we speed back in excitement as the sun sets.



Think this was our first time we didn’t end up riding at night. We make it to the hotel safely. Key West is small, and so are the hotels. Especially if you get one in the heat of the mix. Unless you have a huge bank roll, then I’m sure you could have a sweet pad. Our room wasn’t the best….

But it had beds!!!


It also had a place to do laundry. I wanted to wash my riding pants, so I stroll down to the washer. Shucks, no detergent on this floor. Off to the first floor I go. Shucks again, need my room key to get into the first floor washer room. So I stroll back up the stairs to my floor. Wait, whats this, I need a key to open the door for my floor. Probably not good that my key is in the room. No worries, I’ll just call Jake. Nope, phone is in the room also. Fuck!! So I walk back to the first floor, and no dice again. Need a room key to get onto the first floor from this stairwell also. WTF, I am stuck in the damn stairwell. Why in the hell is this stairwell secure like it’s an entrance to the White House. So I stand by the door to our floor and look through the glass window with a sad puppy dog face, hoping someone will walk by. After about 10 minutes, I change tactics and start pounding on the door, and yell for Jake. After about 10 minutes of that. I’m tired and sweating, b/c although this stairwell is secure as a jailhouse, they decided not to put A/C in it. I give up and rest my face on the door. Not two seconds later, perky ole’ Jthon comes strolling by. He opens the door. I give him the “are you serious” look. He shrugs and walks towards the room. On the way, I question what took so long. He says, and I quote “I thought I heard something, but I wasn’t sure.” I tell him I’m gonna kill him in his sleep. Then I go shower up, and we hit the town. We’re pumped and ready to rock out. Plus I feel like I was just freed from prision. So bring on the drinks. Slowly but surely, we start to realize that there isn’t much young people out. More like older couples. No worries, so I hit the streets trying to find the younger crowd. I see some honeys eye-balling me and my homie Jthon. I strut over, introduce us, and quickly find out they are under 21. Nice to meet ya, adious! I quickly realize that it’s a losing battle. No worries, time to rage out and drink our asses off. We bar hop like it’s our job. Sticking to our alcohol only plan, vodka is flowing like rain in Washington. One of the best things about Key West, you can drink in the streets. So, no need to stand around in the bars crowded with over dressed tourists, we get our drinks to go. The street is more happening anyway.

Jake spots this chill bum, and snaps a pic


For some reason I’m super pumped about my sneakers and picture them


We continue to run around like vigilantes, meeting all kinds of crazy people. Popping into bars for our to-go cups.
I spot this sweet sign that reminds me of my old sailor days aboard the CGC Steelhead, and Jake snaps a pic


Night start dwindling down, and we start the trek back to our hotel. Along the way, Jake is convinced he has to buy some cigars, and ask my opinion. Being influenced by vodka, I encourage him like our life depended on it. 20 bucks later, we continue on and pass by a hotdog stand. Yummmm. We order some brats or some sort of sausage.

Jake chowing down


We continue, and I’m still hungry. I swing into a store along the way that has a deli still open. I order a tub of tuna salad and chicken salad. The helper hooked me up, then the other helper wigged out. Said that she packed it wrong and started flailing around and yelling in her native language. I’m confused beyond believe, and wonder why this demon is speaking in tongues and ripping apart my bag o’ salads. She packs it back up and gives it to me. I stare in disbelieve, wondering if I’m being punk’d. The cool helper comes and she tells me that the other girl is new, and this has happened before. I tell her good luck and quickly vacate before my food is burned on a cross.

Jake has wondered off, but I quickly find him halfway scaled up some wall/light post. Not surprised b/c I’ll typically find him scaling to the top of buildings after a night of drinking. We walk back to the hotel. I joyfully eat my chicken and tuna salads on our journey back. Which are now packed all together, instead of neat separate ones. I name it chickuna salad, and brainstorm about marketing possibilities. We arrive alive back to the hotel, and I pass out while Jake watches Benjamin Button on TV.

Mission to party in Key West complete!
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'Cause I like to party - Story of 2 XR650s conquering Florida
http://www.advrider.com/forums/showthread.php?t=754094

SpeedoJosh screwed with this post 06-16-2012 at 08:43 AM
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Old 01-08-2012, 03:32 PM   #20
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i hate that bob barker

ya dude that dude at the honda shop in key west sucks. he was trying to say my luck is going to run out and i was crazy and all that shit. i guess i should just give up stop being cool and move to key west to be a salty ass creature recovering from a second divorce. ya thats right it was some crazy ass yankee who thought he could get away from it all and be a miserable dick poluting the greatest state ever "the cock of the nation" my beloved FLORIDA. i hate that guy. why cant people have some fun. ya i'm gonna die, who cares if it is in a bloody motorcycle crash, cancer, getting shot, heart attack. it does not matter, as long as you have a good time living. it safe to say i have had a good time so far so i might as well keep on partying! I hate that bob barker!

and no dude touched my arm or whatever that was about. i think your dreams and fantasies have been pulled into your creative license with this tale. speedojosh (sweet name you must be really fast or something, watch out everybody fastest man in the world coming through! the amazing speedo josh) hahahahaha

and whats with all these shirts
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Old 01-08-2012, 04:38 PM   #21
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This thread has it all, no gear, alcohol, 2 men sharing a sleeping bag, broken motorcycles. The usual things that piss people off. lol its interesting reading though.
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Old 01-08-2012, 05:00 PM   #22
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Originally Posted by jaketinaboxer View Post
This thread has it all, no gear, alcohol, 2 men sharing a sleeping bag, broken motorcycles. The usual things that piss people off. lol its interesting reading though.
Haha, I'll drink to that.
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Old 01-08-2012, 05:23 PM   #23
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December 31 - New Years Eve

We both get up around the same time. I start a pot of coffee, and grab a shower. Upon getting out of the shower I put my speedo on, and didn’t realize one of my balls was hanging out (honest mistake). I turn the corner and Jake homes in on it like it was a late night special on the big screen. I accuse him of meat gazing and start to snap a pic of him, he quickly turns his head to ruin my evidence.


I change into my riding pants, and return to my bed with the coffees that are freshly brewed. Not thinking, I take a swig of mine, and immediately regret it as it has now scorched my tongue with 8th degree burns. I spit/drool the coffee out while moaning like a wuss. Jake laughs, I quickly remind him I just caught him meat gazing. He frowns and I laugh. Then we sit back and laugh whole heartedly about the events that just took place. I rant on asking WTF is the reason coffee is made so hot for. It’s impossible to drink in that state. Jake agrees and by now our coffees have chilled to under 100* so we drink up. Pack up, and check out.

We ride through town, pick up a couple post cards for the peeps back home. We realize that we both have formed a farmer’s tan from riding in t-shirts, so we solve that problem by removing our shirts and make the decision to ride to Marathon beef-cake status, where we will eat breakfast. We ride out of Key West feeling accomplished and ready to go. On the way out of town some lady in the back of a truck looks at us, then at the other passengers, and mouths “that’s stupid”. We assume she is talking about our beefcake statue. Little did she know, we like to party. So we continue on, waving as we brrrappp by on a couple of untamed pigs.

The ride to Marathon was uneventful, but an awesome view the whole way.




We get to Marathon with plans of eating at Herbie’s again, hoping to catch the waitress that hooked us up with the sweet hammock spot the first night. They were closed, so we pressed on to further keys. We pass some place that looked nice and chill, so we stopped in. We each get something with fish, and we’re both still hungry. I figure I’ll just wait, knowing we’ll eat as soon as we reach Homestead. Jake opts for a $7.00 slice of key lime pie. I must admit, I was a little jealous b/c I just knew he was gonna get this massive pile of yummy. My jealousy went away after the waitress sat down a piece of pie smaller then a computer mouse. *Pause while you look at your mouse* Jake’s face was priceless. He had a bite, encouraged me to taste this $7 masterpiece. So I have a bite. He has his second bite, which is also his last bite b/c the pie is now gone. I shake my head, and we agree that it was definitely the biggest rip off of the trip. We pay and leave. In the parking lot, Jake spots an iguana in a cage and makes friends. He calls him pepe and promises to free him from the place that ruined key lime pie forever.

Pepe


We load up, kick over the bikes in rebellion of the pie, while pepe bids us farewell


We ride along, and both our bikes go to reserve at the exact same time. Which is always good. We refuel, I pop over from The Beatles to my beach music playlist comprised of Jack Johnson, Sublime, Eek-a-mouse, and some Colbie Caillat on the Bluetooth helmet and continue the ride. It was a great ride almost the whole way.

I soaked in some rays


Jake feel asleep


I took a picture of Jake taking a picture of me


One thing I will say is that the water and scenery appeared much nicer in the more northern keys. Would be the perfect place to live.

We continue to ride, and then traffic starts to pick up as we get closer to Key Largo.
We get stuck behind some ass with a pull behind camper, which is flinging sand on our beefcaked-out selfs. Feels like little needles are flying through the air. He continues to drive slow in the fast lane. Finally he has space to get over so the line of cars behind him can pass. He doesn’t appear to be budging, so after waiting for him to change lanes, it’s seems apparent that he’s not going to, so I start to pass. Oh wait!! Now he wants to change lanes, without signaling, right on top of me. I respond with cat like reflexes and avoid the madness. Jake pulls up beside him, tells him to watch the fudge out, and gives him the ADV hand sign for being such an awesome guy. We continue on, passing Key Largo and now starting to head North up Dixie Hwy I believe it was called. That was probably the worse leg of the trip. Fenced on both sides. Trees blocking any view. Nothing but straight hwy. Seemed like forever, but we finally made it back to the hotel where we parked the truck. We stop and celebrate our completion of our goal of riding the trails of Central Florida, and riding the Keys. Spirits are high, and we bust out the camera.

America!


Word to yo motha



After the pics, Jake says he is going to grab the truck, and starts looking for his keys. I continue taking random pics while he does.



After a couple pics I see Jake just standing there, with a very confused look on his face.


He looks at me and says “Dude, where’s my keys?” FML, this is not good. We dump all the bags and start searching


No dice. So we go into survival mode. Jake curls up in the ditch with his blanket while I call a locksmith. They assign us a driver, but he won’t be there for another two+ hours. Well that certainly doesn’t sit well with our plan of spending New Years in Orlando. If he makes it in 1 hour, and gets the truck open and cuts a key fast enough we figure we could still make it. So we cross our fingers. We run around town looking for authentic Mexican food for dinner, plus wanted to start the new years celebration already with a Margarita! The ones we found were all closed, so we end up eating at the real Sonny’s BBQ this time. They have all you can eat dishes.
I eat about three whole chickens worth, Jake puts down at least a pig of pulled pork, and we depart back to the truck. We sit around trying to think of where to go for New Years, b/c our plans for Orlando are not happening now. We decide to hold off until we get the truck running. So we start loading the bikes. Driver shows up, and we pause. He pops the door open in three seconds. Reads a code of the window regulator. Goes to his truck, returns in 1 minute, tries to start the truck. Nothing, returns back to his station, does some fandangling, returns again in 1 minute, and Vroom! That was fast. He questions us about the sweet bikes, we pay him with blood diamonds under the table, and off he goes. We kick it into gear and start loading everything up as fast as possible. We strap the bikes down, throw all the crap in the bed of the truck, load the cab with clothes, gear, dead hookers, the whole nine yards. All packed up, we say bye to Homestead and hop in the truck. We sit in the truck for a second, then Jake looks at me and says, “Dude, where’s my key?” Are you shitting me? This foolio has once again lost his key. I look at the monstrosity of clutter in his truck and immediately know this is gonna take awhile. We tear apart the truck, bust out flashlights, and search high and low. Nothing. I’m just about to unbolt the seat when Jake grabs his shoe, and finds his key laying in it, safely tucked away. I chuckle, and we rapidly stuff all the stuff back in the truck and peel out before Jake looses the key again.

I pull out the iphone and start looking for places that should be good for New Years. We immediately think Miami. Jake knows some peeps there. We find a definite possible place to stay, and people to party with. When then remember Miami is a classy joint, and all we have are some slacks that have been folded up in our bags for the past two weeks, along with button up shirts in the same condition. We pass on Miami and continue on. I throw up a hail mary and decide on West Palm Beach. I ask Jake for input, he just grunts, and continues driving. It’s settled, West Palm it is.

Step on it…


I’ve always had good experiences with Marriot, and luck should have it, there is one not but a few blocks from downtown. Jackpot. I start getting amp, knowing that once we arrive, it’s gonna be on like donkey kong. I realize Jake isn’t feeling it. A combination of all day riding, losing his keys which also contained his house keys, running late, and alcohol withdraw was getting to him. Luckily I like to party.

Yahtzee!!


A little cinnamon whiskey to liven the place up

Now that’s the spirit



Down the hatch it goes



Disclaimer* Cinnamon and whiskey do not go well together.

We arrive in West Palm about ten minutes later, rush upstairs, shower off the road crud we collected from riding beefcake all day, and rush out with about an hour to spare before New Years.

To protect the innocent, I will leave out that nights events, just know that we came, we saw, and we conquered New Years Eve, West Palm Beach, 2011.





Welp, that’s pretty much it fellas. We rolled out the next morning after an extended check out. I snapped a quick pic of Jake’s tire as we leave and tell him his was over-worrying.


We tried to hit up ihop, but the line was ridiculous, so we said fuck it and just started driving. Few hours later we stop for Mexican. Couple cougars were there, obviously on their third pitcher of brewski, purring at us, looking like they were ready to attack, or pass out, either one. Luckily Florida Fish and Wildlife officer shows up, and they prance their drunk selfs back home.

Jake’s giant burrito, and my massive plate of fajitas.

We arrive back in NC without a hitch. Download the bikes and go to our rooms and pass out. Trip done. Party done. Ride Report done.

Hope you all enjoyed!
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2000 XR250R - Tagged
1998 XR400R - To be tagged
2003 XR650R - Sold 2006 Ducati Monster -Sold
'Cause I like to party - Story of 2 XR650s conquering Florida
http://www.advrider.com/forums/showthread.php?t=754094

SpeedoJosh screwed with this post 06-16-2012 at 08:44 AM
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Old 01-08-2012, 05:27 PM   #24
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great read

You guys could make a motorcycle ride thorough Kansas interesting. Thanks for all the lies.

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Old 01-08-2012, 05:44 PM   #25
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Thanks for sharing fellas! Makes me wish I would have had a bike while at Bragg, but then again I probably would have quickly become the subject of Friday afternoon pre-weekend safety briefings...
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Old 01-08-2012, 05:49 PM   #26
SpeedoJosh OP
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Derby City View Post
You guys could make a motorcycle ride thorough Kansas interesting. Thanks for all the lies.

Lies, no lies here. This story is full of factual events. Minus the parts where I look like a wuss. Those were made up to make Jake not appear so nancy.
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2000 XR250R - Tagged
1998 XR400R - To be tagged
2003 XR650R - Sold 2006 Ducati Monster -Sold
'Cause I like to party - Story of 2 XR650s conquering Florida
http://www.advrider.com/forums/showthread.php?t=754094

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Old 01-08-2012, 08:30 PM   #27
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looks like your exceeding your bandwidth on photobucket, your probably going to half to use someone else.
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Old 01-08-2012, 08:42 PM   #28
SpeedoJosh OP
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No bueno! What other programs are there?
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2000 XR250R - Tagged
1998 XR400R - To be tagged
2003 XR650R - Sold 2006 Ducati Monster -Sold
'Cause I like to party - Story of 2 XR650s conquering Florida
http://www.advrider.com/forums/showthread.php?t=754094

SpeedoJosh screwed with this post 06-16-2012 at 08:45 AM
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Old 01-08-2012, 08:46 PM   #29
OKlr
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i've always used photobucket, but i guess you could use flicker or imageshack or one of the other hosting one's.
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Old 01-08-2012, 09:33 PM   #30
EmmEff
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Best laugh I've had in a ride report yet! Good work guys!
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