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Old 04-24-2005, 07:40 AM   #1
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Goonie And Rider Hangin' Wif Da Holmes Boyz

A couple of years ago, me and fellow Riderlander Goonie decided to ride the roads of Holmes County, which is Ohio's version of Lancaster, PA; home to Mennonites and the Amish. The roads are peppered with horse droppings, you see almost as many buggies as cars and it's like a trip into a differerent and simpler time.
As Goonie and I are both very differerent and very simple, it fits us pretty well.
So we decided to return two years later to see if life had changed much in Holmes County ...


First things first, of course. We're growing boys and need our fuel for a long, exhausting day of riding. So we stopped for breakfast in Mt. Vernon, named (one assumes) for George Washington's home in Virginia. It's not quite the same but they've got a decent breakfast place there where the waitresses think we're hot. Hey, you can't buy that, man.

Goonie's got hisself a "new" 1995 R100GS-PD airhead with fewer miles on it than my '02. It's sweeeeeeeeeeet.





Of course, since this is Riderland, many towns have been named for me. The list is endless; Dantown, Dancity, Danapolis, Kingston ... here is but one of them ...



I signed autographs for the adoring townspeople for an hour or so then we moved on.


These are simple farming folks, who power their Commodore 64's with power generated by wind power.




Something told us we'd been been here before. Sooooooo 205 ...




To more fit in with the native folk, we decided to forego ATGATT and dumped our helmets in favor of this headgear ...



Goonie was displeased, however, with the straw. "It itches!" he cried, so he settled on more comfortable protection for his noggin.




Off we went at breakneck speeds sometimes topping double figures!
We weren't alone on the roads, however. Some hotties were pumping hard to impress us.

Fast, they were. It took all of our highly limited powers of concentration to keep up with them.




Only the latest in sleek, modern, pimped rides for Da Holmes County Boyz. Why, one could close his eyes and just imagine some Fiddy Cent pouring from this vehicle on a hot, sultry summer night, some Colt .45 being passed around, chasin' some bitches 'n' ho's.
"Lemme take you to da candy shop
You can lick my lollipop ..."





Just in case we did run into trouble, it was good to know there was a tow-truck available at our beck and call. Hey, they may lead simple lives out in the country, but doesn't mean they don't have every modern convenience ...



They've got some bitchin' rides.
I liked this one ... note the low profile tires, enduro wheels and smokin' orange LED triangle light.




Goonie and I pulled over and switched off our BMWs.
"You know, Dan," he said. "I'm not sure I'm diggin' this motorcycle scene anymore."
"Whatchu sayin', bitch?" I said.
"Well, I'm thinkin' we give up our pretentions, sell our BMWs. Who we tryin' to impress anyway? We buy us some buggies, dig? Start hangin' wif Da Holmes Boyz."
"Sheeit," says I. "Dood, I'm, like, so there!"

Goonie found this sweet rig for sale. So we pawned our rides for $300 and gave the guy the cash.





We were climbing into the cab, all jazzed up, groovin' to the dash-mounted iPod playin' some more Fiddy when this dude comes up.
"Hey, you guys gotta have a horse to pull that, you know."
Feh.
"How much be a horse?" Goonie axed.
"Well, we had one this morning, a nice gelding, good and strong. But I just got an email and some guy named Mulekick just bought him."

So we had to give up our dream. Holding back tears, we climbed out of the the buggy, got our money back and climbed back on our bikes.
Somehow, the thrill was gone now. After a long day with Da Holmes Boyz, a motorcycle just didn't seem as cool anymore ...




The End
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Old 04-24-2005, 08:08 AM   #2
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It's a big country Dan, go somewhere else for a change.

Carry on...
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Old 04-24-2005, 10:01 AM   #3
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Steverino
It's a big country Dan, go somewhere else for a change.

Carry on...

Dear Steve,

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Old 04-24-2005, 10:08 AM   #4
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Nice helmet.
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Old 04-24-2005, 10:14 AM   #5
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Quote:
Originally Posted by BMW Rider
To more fit in with the native folk, we decided to forego ATGATT and dumped our helmets in favor of this headgear ...

Nice, but not as good as the original...




Great lookin' bike, Goonie!
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Old 04-24-2005, 10:15 AM   #6
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and again the chaingolian ambassador/defense minister does not get a call and so the hostilities continue




viva la revolucion


- cool report -



where is the pics with one of you guys and kim?
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Old 04-24-2005, 10:16 AM   #7
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Nice helmet.
Hey, it was cheap. Some hillbilly sold it to me for nothin'.
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Old 04-24-2005, 10:19 AM   #8
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and again the chaingolian ambassador/defense minister does not get a call and so the hostilities continue




viva la revolucion


- cool report -



where is the pics with one of you guys and kim?

Kim Basinger?
We left her back at home in the kitchen.


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Old 04-24-2005, 11:08 AM   #9
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Quote:
Originally Posted by BMW Rider
We were also doing our part to find Mulekick some work in case things didn't work out west.

Hi Stevie
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Old 04-24-2005, 03:34 PM   #10
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Who moved us?

...to regional forums
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Old 04-24-2005, 03:40 PM   #11
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...to regional forums
I did. It's probably not worthy of a formal Ride Report.
Besides ... there's a lot more country out there, you know.
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Old 04-24-2005, 04:04 PM   #12
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I did. It's probably not worthy of a formal Ride Report.
Besides ... there's a lot more country out there, you know.
Next time I'll head down the interstate and take some pics
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Old 04-24-2005, 04:09 PM   #13
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So THATS what I have to look forward to in July.
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Old 04-24-2005, 05:24 PM   #14
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So THATS what I have to look forward to in July.
No.
The part you'll be in isn't nearly as exciting.


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Old 04-25-2005, 10:29 AM   #15
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Cool report. Nutin betta than hangin wit ya homies.
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