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Old 11-29-2012, 03:43 PM   #16
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The Beartooth Cafe where I had the daily special in honor of my wife: Bacon Patty-melt with grilled onions.
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Old 11-29-2012, 03:44 PM   #17
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Coming off BT Pass and entering Yellowstone



That bottom shot is from a bridge that goes into my campsite. How cool is that?





Make reservations. Just because you have a tent, doesn't mean they will have space for you. If you don't have reservations, the minute you get into the park, go to the first lodge (if not camping) or camp site (if camping) EVEN IF THEY SAY THERE ARE FULL and ask them to check the other sites/lodges for you...and then make that reservation.
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Old 11-29-2012, 03:46 PM   #18
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Okay, here's another friendly tip - especially useful for 2 wheel travelers. Anytime you see cars stopped as if in the middle of nowhere, and a subsequent and unexplained traffic jam, you can be assured that there is an animal sighting.

I once sat in traffic 10 minutes while we crawled up to the 'sighting' and it was a deer and her fawn. Are you frikking kidding me?!

Bison, okay. Elk, caribou, fine. Bears, of course. But deer? I'm looking at the jagweed's plate in front of me and he is from North Carolina. North Carolina! I know for a fact that NC has a crap-load of deer there! This is not a special deer, 'Yellowstone edition.' Move the line assholes.......

Anyway, bison are different. They're huge and cool. They don't move for anyone or anything. They should be wearing sunglasses.., they're that cool. But that doesn't mean I want to be so close as to feel their breath. People just stop their cars....and in most places, there is no shoulder to pull over onto...roll down their windows and start clicking away.

Which is fine, but they're protected....I'm not! So as this wooly bad-ass comes closer to me, I am in E&E mode (Escape & Evasion), and start looking and planning for quick escape routes. My only choice in this case things sour is to go off the soft shoulder, down into a ditch and into the prairie. I figure I got a 30% chance of pulling off that maneuver, but screw it, I got a plan and any plan is better than getting gored because you just froze and did nothing. I would rather go down trying.

I want to beep my horn at the cowlick in front of me to move, but I am not sure what the horn would do to my big, furry friend...who I can hear snort now. Just then, the roadjam starts to move and I make haste to exit the potential kill zone.


It may be hard to see, but in the pic there is a fisherman. Or as I refer to them, 'Bear Food.' Fly-fishing is big in the park and there are a zillion streams to do this in.

I can't reconcile this activity with the 'bear talk' Ranger Rick gave us the previous day. I want to try fly-fishing as well - but not in the Serengeti. Bears eat fish; you are trying to catch what bears eat. If I was a bear, I would hang loose and wait for one of these intrepid fisherman to hook one, then race down and steal their catch. Oh yeah, then disembowel the fisherman for making me wait too long.

The only way I would fish here, is to have two armed lookouts: one with a scoped 30-06 for long range, and another with a 12 gauge with alternating deer slug and OO buck for close-in work.

Take no chances in the wild......be armed to the teeth I say.
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Old 11-29-2012, 03:48 PM   #19
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---------------------------------------------------------------------------








On the lower half of the figure eight that is Yellowstone, lies Old Faithful Geyser....along with a bunch of other geysers and steaming fonts of gas that make the area look like a WW1 battlefield. So, pretty cool in my book..

Old Faithful is the premiere geyser; they have a special highway leading into it, there's the OF Lodge, OF Store and Gift Shop, etc. But it is not tacky....like condos and such. The park does it right.

Around the geyser specific, there are rows of benches that I am guessing seat around 400+. I got a good seat with 30 minutes to go. Next to me was this retired Navy guy and his wife. He was a good guy and we swapped war stories and extolled the virtues of service.

Then she came......

No, not the geyser. Elizabeth. A precocious 11 or 12 year old, wearing a green fleece jacket festooned with merit badges, patches, bars, etc. Front and back.

We had a conversation:

"So how long have you been in the Girl Scouts?"

"Actually, I am not a Girl Scout. I am a Junior Ranger," she tersely corrected me.

"Oh, that's nice." Where are your parents?

"Do you know what a geyser is?"

Sure.....in exactly 16 minutes I will point it out to you missy.

"Oh, please tell me." Let's indulge the little darling...and not look stupid in the process, shall we?.

"A geyser is a reaction to water collected......."

I am looking at her patches and such, and this kid has been all over the country. She is holding a "Passport" book, which I learned was a guide to all the national parks which can be signed by the park ranger in each park. Hers is almost filled with the required signatures which will complete this arduous task.

"....which settles above active magna layers, heating the collected water....."

Seriously, where is this kids parents? Ah, she is part of a kids tour group and there was no more room on the back bench, so she sat next to me. Great.

".....until the heated water vapor has no more room to collect, which forces it out."

I turn around and eye the group leader, a young man who smiled at me knowing the pickle I am in, and probably somewhat relieved that he could take leave of Little Ms. National Parks for a few minutes. He owes me.

"Do you know the difference between a geyser and a hot spring?" Oh WTF!; is this kid just being a kid or is she trying to make me look like an idiot? There is no way I can match this kid's encyclopedic knowledge of natural phenomenon. I'm screwed. Quick, how can I not look stupid, and not look like an ass if I say the wrong thing to this kid?

"Well, I'm not sure. Can you tell me?" Said with a wisp of a smile indicating to any adult that may be listening, that I probably know the answer- which I do not -but was indulging Lizzy like a patient adult should do...I guess.

"They're actually the same thing, except a hot spring has no constriction."

I nod and smile...and am glad I didn't try to answer that and confirm what I am sure she suspected. I didn't know any of that stuff. Wait....was that a trick question? Was that a set-up? The Navy guy next to me and his wife are stifling their collective laughter and snickering at my dilemma. Fucking Navy.

"Wait...it's starting to erupt!"

"No. That's not it. There's two or three minor eruptions before the actual main eruption."

Well, let's just sit here quietly and see.

Actually, I am poking fun at little Elizabeth, but she is a sharp kid. Her grandparents took her all over the country during Summers. I hope my kids get their future children involved in programs such at these. Elizabeth is going to be a fine adult, knowledgeable American and good citizen. Good for her and God bless her....

As far as the geyser goes, I'm sorry, I know I should be more reverent about it, but I just wasn't that inspired by the spectacle. I feel bad for even saying that, but, I don't know, maybe because it was over-billed to me all these years or something.

Maybe if you didn't see a dozen other smoldering geysers in the background, or perhaps if the ground shook a little when it gushed. I don't know. All these people standing around watching the Earth pass gas. I just don't get it. If the masses think that's great, they should come by my tent at about 10:30, and I'll put on a show for them that will make their eyes water.

Speaking of which, there is another, more funnier geyser. Called the 'Sulfer Geyser' it reeks of rotten eggs, and I laughed as I drove by that people actually held their noses and walked towards it to read the placard. Amazing. I drove by it doing 40 mph and held my breath and it still stung my nostrils.







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Old 11-29-2012, 03:50 PM   #20
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Uh oh....cars stopped ahead. Another animal sighting. This time...it was a Grizzly bear and her two cubs. In the pic, you can just see the little head of one the cubs running behind the mom.

Again, there is no where to go. There is no right shoulder at all and I got cars in front of me, stopped. All the while, Yogi is meandering closer and closer. The bear is now about 30 feet from me and still coming directly at my scooter. I am equal parts getting concerned and pissed at the car in front of me.

Again, I want to beep my horn, but, I can just see the headlines in the Yellowstone Gazette: MOTORCYCLIST ANTAGONIZED GRIZZLY WITH HORN; GETS MAULED.

Unlike the Bison, Grizzlies like meat. These geniuses in their cars are safe. Me? I'm carnival food. Jeff the Human Corn Dog. I kept thinking, "You don't want me. I'm skinny and pasty. Go for the Harley guy behind me. He is twice my girth, tanned (pre-cooked) and, chances are, he is still marinated in beer from the night prior! Consider the biker chick 'dessert served in leather chaps.' "

Anyway, my only escape route was too go around the stopped vehicle - which meant actually closing the distance between me and Yogi. Luckily, the two cubs were running and caught mom's attention, and that was the break I was looking for. I gunned it, swerved around the stopped car, called him a 'jag off', and drove on counting my blessings.

*In a related news story: MAULED MOTORCYCLIST SAVED BY JUNIOR RANGER. The 11 year old Junior Ranger' sprayed bear repellent to scare away the bear, then applied a tourniquet to the mauled leg of the rider...and saved his life.


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I am a lover of storms - as is my daughter. As long as no one is hurt and property isn't damaged, bring them on. The worse, the better.
But storms take on a whole different definition in the mountains. First, in my tent, I can hear the approaching wind gusts rustle through the tops of the 80 foot pines before it balloons my tent as the wind blows through its upper vents.
The lightning is also intense. My tent acts like a lamp diffuser, and the whole tent is illuminated like a switch was thrown.

But its the thunder....

It rolls in, ricochets around the mountain rims, and gets it deep bass sound from going through crevasses and canyons. It adds a whole new dimension to the sound of thunder I have never experienced before. That gentle storm the other night in Yellowstone produced light rain, but great breezes, lightning and the thunder was a show stopper.

I wish my daughter was there to experience it.........
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When Ranger Rick gave the 'bear talk' to our group of campers, he had my rapt attention. I have a healthy respect (read: fear) of wild animals. Billy Joe Bob next to me was three fingers into a bag a Doritos; I was taking notes. I hoped Billy Joe Bob was in my section of tent campers. When Ranger Rick said not to have any food or even bottled water in your tents, the look on Billy Joe Bob's face indicated that he was not interested in following the rules on this matter.

Fine by me. This is how nature thins the idiot herd.

Which is why I don't understand why people are walking off the road, down trails and such. I guess is it allowed, by I stay on the main and secondary roads and don't leave my scoot unless we are in a crowded place. This is the Serengeti as far as I am concerned. Keep scrolling and you will see wildlife walking up and on the road. Things that will eat you.

Just last week, some bearologist got his faced ripped off when, apparently, his interview with the bear went south. Well, no shit Sherlock.

I saw this grandparent taking a picture of his grandchildren who walked out into a field near a tree line about 100 feet from the road. I shook my head in disbelief. Apparently, this grandparent must have had many grandkids and could spare losing these two precious ones. It was like a scene in a movie where you just know something bad was about to happen.

Perhaps I should not over react and just enjoy the wild - but I honor and listen to my survival instinct when it alerts me.

I'm the guy on safari who never leaves the Land Rover.
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Old 11-29-2012, 03:52 PM   #21
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I left Yellowstone National Park at about 0700 hrs after breakfast at the lodge. It was colder last night - about 37 degrees. I was snug in the sleeping bag, but my grape was getting cold. So I donned my handy ski mask I brought for cold rides. I love a good multi-tasking component. That did the trick.

I left through the West entrance which put me on Hwy 20 - which I shared with a plethora of bicyclists working their way to Ashton, Idaho. I stayed on 20 until 26, which led into I-86/84 West. It was a pretty uneventful ride, but the weather was nice and I landed in Twin Falls, Idaho - in the heart of potato country.

I checked into a Days Inn for a good nights rest before pushing forth the next day. My destination of Lake Oswego, Oregon was about 590 miles and I couldn't reconcile stopping short of that. I thought I could make it - weather dependent.

Leaving Idaho going into Oregon on I-84 turned out to be a great ride. It was cold making the climb into the Blue Mountains - elevation only 5k+ - which took about 5 hrs to progress through. But a pretty good ride. I could pass the semi's lumbering up the steep hills and on the descent, I was flying. The scoot just wanted to go 75 mph. Honest officer! Long sweepers on the downhill which led into a great ride: The Columbia River Gorge.

This was going to be a long day in saddle, so I put my own Ironbutt rules into effect: 50 minutes of riding, 10 minute break - no matter what. Because gas stations were scattered, I used my 10 minute break to top off. Which was kind of funny; I pulled into my first gas station in Oregon, and this sprite young thing came out to pump my gas. I thought I pulled into the 'full-service lane' but learned that Oregonians are not allowed to pump their own gas for some odd reason.
Wow! The ultimate nanny-state.
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Old 11-29-2012, 03:53 PM   #22
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The Eastern edge of Oregon is beautiful. No doubt about it. At a rest stop on I-84, I ran into the Marine Corps League giving out free coffee from their red trailer. I put on my USMC hat and chatted for a bit with two old-timer Leathernecks before heading out.


I-84 runs along the Columbia River in this, well, gorge. The river is wide with cliffs on either side. On the map, I was ready to be disappointed because of being a primary highway...but this was not the case. It was a fantastic ride! I was doing 70 mph all the way and traffic was moderate. You go past two river hydro-dams and campsites along the river.

In one pic above you'll notice what I thought was several dozen kites. It turned out to be para-surfers...and those guys fly on the water! Pretty cool. This run goes on for some time, so I really enjoyed it. It then turns into dense Pines on the bluff to my left that go high up.

(I'm in Lake Oswego now at a McDonalds - and two F-18's just screamed overhead!!)
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Old 11-29-2012, 03:54 PM   #23
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Angry looking Mt. Hood



I needed gas and there are no stations directly off the gorge - due to the cliff on the left and the river on your right. I finally saw a sign for 'Corbett' at exit 22 - so I took it.

I immediately began climbing up steep twisties and was having a blast! The 'gas' station was run and owned by Susan, and there was a pie eating contest about to start there in this cute little town. I was in line for gas in the one pump station/country store behind two John Deer riding lawn mowers - and was just chatting with those gents. Susan has to pump all the gas there remember...thats' the rules.
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Old 11-29-2012, 03:55 PM   #24
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I am spending the majority of my time relaxing and letting my knots turn to mush in my sisters 8 person hot tub.

Yup, the scootering life is not bad......not bad at all.

In fact, blogging is taking up valuable spa time. Later all......
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Old 11-29-2012, 03:56 PM   #25
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Day 12: 655 miles (ug) Portland, Or. to Chico, Ca.

I left my sisters home in Lake Oswego, Or, jumped on 99W - but it was a bit rough and laden with local law enforcement. So I got onto Rte. 18 to go West to reach the coast. It is also referred to as the Salmon River Highway and has nice rolling hills passing hordes of vineyards and, for some reason, reams of 'expresso' stands.

On 18, I came upon the Evergreen Air & Space Museum and they had displayed military aircraft out front. I was hooked! The drive going into the huge place was fashioned like a runway. From the camera view - with a piece of my windshield in the pic - it looks like I am getting ready for take-off! How cool is that!!


USMC Cobra Gun Ship. Deliver of Death - and salvation to ground pounders. Get em boys!
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Old 11-29-2012, 03:58 PM   #26
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This is turning out to be a great riding road. Rolling past vineyards and long twisties. Up ahead, I have to cross Spirit Mountain to get to the coast. I need to coffee up...

Made it....the Oregon Coast!!




Well, I finally made it! At the intersection of Rte. 18 and Rte 101 lies a little beach-side town of Otis. Nice people there; a bit older than whence I came. Official garb: fleece pull-overs, shorts and sandals. Perfect.

I was still cold though from Spirit Mountain; my finger tips were numb and I wore my snow-blowing mittens. The weather was perfect as rain is the norm there so I hear. Temps hovered around 62-69 degree depending on what elevation you happened to be at. My fingers are cashed: I have had severe frost-bite on them (and feet) in the past and several fingers have been severed and re-attached. Unless it is over 70 degrees, they are always cold. Just the way it is....

Pressing on....
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Old 11-29-2012, 03:59 PM   #27
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I am loving this drive! The Oregon coast is beautiful! I rank this up there as drives not to miss...and I have been blessed with good weather.




The votes are in: This is a beautiful state. I have been from East to West, and if there is a bad road in between, I haven't found it. Just a great, bountiful and majestic state.

Motorcycling wise, the roads are great and generally, well maintained. Cops are all over (and the cycle cops drive ST1300's!) so watch your speed. They do have those annoying - and dangerous - round reflectors all over the place. When they are not there, they put them below the surface in a 'half-moon' cut out. Any of which - wet or dry - interrupts the traction of motorcycle tires and can cause serious handling issues, including loss of control and an accident. That is not a motorcycle-friendly aspect.

The 'not pumping your own gas ' thing was cute as first. Then it became a pain. If the station was busy, you waited...and waited.
Are Oregonians proud of this practice? I would be embarrassed if I were them. I would love to know the logic behind this practice. It seems condescending; like they view the good folks as to stupid to operate the pump themselves.

But here's my biggest gripe: "Safety Corridor: Fines Doubled." What the hell does that mean? Besides the fact that there is nothing there; no kids, schools, residences, animal crossing, etc., what are they implying?
"Here - in this stretch of the road - we really care about safety." As opposed to rest of the area - where safety is minimally appreciated or observed?

Vent On: To me, this is a great example of political leftist thinking: not what works, but what they think feels good. So, now you have 'safety corridors,' 'construction zones' and 'school zones'....all push fines higher in correlation to their feelings about safety. Isn't it just inevitable, "...we're just going to double the fines all over the state because we're serious about safety everywhere....that's how much we care." Vent: off

Now, that said, I found the people in Oregon to be lovely, well-mannered and cheerful. It's kind of like living inside a Trader Joes organic grocery store. A majority of the men are skinny and wear pony-tails. The women wear baggy shirts and cargo pants. They appear to the best part of the Grateful Dead crowd; the respectful lot who wear the stuff, but then go home and shower.

That's cool.

The Oregon coast is, imho, better than the Cali coast. It is more natural; a more manly, rugged kind of coast. I will comment of Cali later.....
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There is just no better road I have ridden on....bar none than PCH, Hwy 101. Plenty of scenic overviews to stop and take breaks, then get back on and enjoy those long sweepers. Temps can range from 59 to 79...an often do in a short mile span.

If there is any way you can arrange to drive this part, I would put it on your list. Rolling into California was surprising. A big manned, permanent checkpoint. WTF is that!
Why is it, I wonder, can I cross through every state border but get stopped here entering in Cali from Oregon?
Back in the 80's when I came into Cali, they stopped you and looked for fruit and such that can negatively impact their agriculture life. How on Earth can that work?
Now, they just greeted me and waved me through...so I don't know that the purpose was. I wished I had gotten stopped to find out. Really, I do.

When I was camping in Yellowstone, I met Derrick, who was camping also. He was riding a BMW R1100, so I was pumping him about his bike.......which was helpful because I was considering a BMW because they sit tall in the saddle and would accommodate a taller drink of water such as myself. Our talked cured me of that idea. Great bikes that last forever, he said. But they are finicky maintenance wise...and everything about them is crazy-ass expensive. He then went through and explained how he changed this, tweaked that and how he has to periodically do this or that.

This is why I prefer Jap bikes. Bullet proof for the most part.

Anyhow, Derrick was from Eureka, Cali and told me where to go while going through Northern California.
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Old 11-29-2012, 04:02 PM   #28
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On the list was Redwood National Forest.....



101 goes right through the Redwood Natl Forest...and boy, are they a sight to see. Just humongous, behemoth trees.

A good tip; right after you cross the Klamath River, look for an exit called "Kelly B (something). I can't find it on Google Maps, but its there...and I got the tip from an information office. It's only about 15 miles long and feeds you back onto 101, but boy, what a road. The big trees are right next to you and it is nothing but twists. Very fun.
-------------------------------------------------------

I planned on making it to Chico, but my detour onto 101 set me back quite a bit. But I was to meet Frank at his local bar, so I had to push a bit or I would forfeit my chance at seeing him - and giving him the Blackhawks shirt I carried all this way.

So, I had to cut East from 101 to get to Chico. According to my GPS, that meant going through the Shasta-Trinity Natl. Forest on Rte 299. I have made poor judgements before - and this was one of them. Keep in mind, 299 essentially goes through the mountains and I had already been riding for 12 hours. I was tired and saddle soar, but I didn't know what type of road this was; I just knew I was losing daylight and didn't want to do this in the dark. I should have stopped for the night.

299 was one of the most exciting and scariest roads I had ever driven. I have my own Pucker Factor Rating System (PF 1 is everyday riding; you're aware and cognizant of the road. PF 10 is you getting off your bike/scoot, shaking, saying you're lucky to be alive and you are never doing that again)

299 was a PF 8.

It was two hours of constant twisties. Nothing but. Sounds fun - and I like twisties. But these weren't normal twists and turns. Beartooth Pass, you're doing 15 to 35 mph and can see the road in front of you. On 299, the speed limit is 50-55 and you are never vertical in your saddle for more than 10 seconds. You are constantly leaning over far left or right, or preparing to do so. I kept my little finger on the rear brake as I like to drag my rear brake around curves as an added bonus. You know, in a fast sweeper, when you mentally figured out that your trajectory is going to put you over the yellow line; I just every so lightly apply the rear brake to change that trajectory. My CVT trans was working liking a dog and I was heavy on the brakes.

I honestly cannot tell you what the scenery looked like - I knew there a river along side me and cliffs to my left - but my focus was 200 feet in front of me and of signs. Oh yeah, Calif signs: In Illinois, orange/yellow speed signs like "Curve ahead, 35 mph" I know I can safely add 10 mph to that without worrying about getting into trouble. It is empirical for me; never had an exception to that. Up here, I learned quick not to do that. If it says '35 mph' you better be at the speed or you're in trouble. At most, I could do 5 over that occasionally.

The turns - and again, it was nothing but turns - were 90% blind turns. Because of the cliffs, you could see no more than 4 car lengths ahead of you. Find at 25 mph. At 50, a patch of loose gravel, a stalled car, a bicycle.....and you're screwed.

Now, I know - as do you most of you - that most problems you get into on a scooter/MC can be solved by slowing down. That's an axiom I have always lived by. On steep upgrades, I moved over into a passing lane for traffic to get by me, but when that was over, it was game on - and Cali has a bias for speed...everywhere.

Honestly, I would not drive this road in a car at that speed. I don't know where they get that mph reference. Aside from those passing lanes, there is no pulling over....there is no over, except over the edge.

Plus, I wasn't in my A game....my fault, I know. I was tired. I was foggy and wasn't thinking clearly. I just had tunnel vision and was getting through each turn at speed or close to it. Man, was that stupid.

I realized my condition and was getting worried...but there really is no place to stop and I was fearing the darkness coming. My best idea was to shadow a slow moving trailer or another biker. Maybe it was my mind playing tricks, but everybody seemed to be going to dam fast!

I have never prayed for straight roads harder.....but there was just no relief. I am still freaking out when I think of it. Oh, and you know how Illinois has 'bump' signs? Where TF are they in Cali? I am doing these twisties...and its like the locks in a river....the grade just goes lower suddenly! My ass and feet are not connected to the scoot - just my hands are on for a split second!

I was scared out of my flipping mind....but I just couldn't stop. I will never, never, never do that again. So help me.....
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Old 11-29-2012, 04:04 PM   #29
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This is Frank from Chico, Ca. I met him at 2130 hrs - after 18 hours in the saddle - at his local bar, and karaoke night. I haven't seen him for 32 years - since high school, re-connected with him on Facebook.

He is cranking out Rocket Man......
------------------------------------------------------

I put on way more miles than I had planned, so I needed to find a shop to have the oil changed.

I called my wife who searched for some places on the internet, and located Chico Motorworks. Hope they have what I need......

Confession: I am hard on dealerships. I have a 1 to 10 rating system for them as well....and most of them can barely reach 6. Chico MS got to 7.5....and here's why.

First, the good points: Once they brought the scoot in, it took 45 minutes and cost me a grand total of $76.80 for synthetic oil and filter...and they gave me the excess motor oil for the road just in case. Nice touch.
The service mgr. was polite and accommodating. I mentioned I was concerned about my front tire as I noticed a small chip of rubber missing from the tread and it was starting to cup a bit. He didn't have a tire in stock. Fine.

Bad points: When I got there, they just opened and were rolling out there stock for display and dragging all the service bikes out of the shop bays. I had to wait 20 minutes for this exercise. That's bologna.

Kick-Ass Customer Service demands you take care of the customer first. The SM should have let the other 9 guys wheel bikes out; there is a paying customer needing attention. Get on it.

Plus, he should have been on the horn finding another tire pronto. To his credit he later asked me if he wanted him to check around for the tire...I said yes, but no luck. He shouldn't have to ask; just start looking. But he gets high marks else-wise.

During the service I went into the showroom. I found a bike that I have had interest in - a Kaw Concours 14 - and spent some time ogling it, sitting on it, fiddling with it. The young sales guy just sat at his desk playing on the computer.

I did this for 30 minutes. Nothing. There was no one else in the place. Just me and him. I asked him how much it was and he kindly gave me the retail and invoice numbers. That's it.
Man, what a horseshit salesman. He is either related to the owner, or is a whiz at putting bikes on Craigslist and Ebay. If I was the owner, we would have a seriously discussion about his future with the company. He could be replaced with a kiosk if that is all he was going to do.

I have been in sales and taught sales courses. You don't have to be "Sam, the used car guy" push, push, push. But hanging a sign on something is not selling either. There is some art and nuance to it. Engage the customer and see if there is a deal to be had. Geeze, this kid had no clue.

Unfortunately, that is my experience at most bike dealers. At least this place has a good service manager.
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Old 11-29-2012, 04:06 PM   #30
jeffgrig OP
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Joined: Jan 2012
Location: Illinois
Oddometer: 46

Meet Lilly. Lilly is a hooker.

How do I know? Well, I was sitting in the shade on the side of a Shell gas station in Sacramento, Ca. Not the crap section of town - if there is one. There was some swanky shops right across the street. Well, I was sitting there, drinking my Arizona Ice Tea (with Ginseng) I just purchased, a left-over banana from Portland and a couple of handfuls of Wal-Mart GORP. Mmmmmmm. Good lunch.

In pulls a black VW bug and out steps this huge floppy hat with a person attached to it. What gave her away was the white shorts, high heels and the cat-walk strut like she was in a show. Now, I am a big fan of white shorts on gals - have been since HS. Also, high-heels in anything is generally okay by me. But I have seen enough episodes of "What Not to Wear" with my wife to know that high heels and white shorts together, are worn by either the fashion illiterate or 'sex workers.' Lilly was of the latter category.

She approached after a while and ..... we had a conversation:
Lunch and a floor show. The day is improving.

"Is this your motorcycle?"

"Actually, it's a....yes it is." Why bother with distinctions......

"Would you like a date?"

I am not one of those guys who can think of snappy things to say right away. Five minutes from then, I had six different great come-back lines for her, but now, I got nothing but silliness.

"Well, I think my wife would object. What's your name?" Let's draw this out....I'm bored anyhow.

"For $200 it can be whatever you want it to be."

Wow. That's kind of exorbitant, but I do get naming rights. As an aside - and I thought of this much later on scootering over the Donner Pass - I wondered what I paid for my first date with my wife (not that I am comparing the two - please understand that). The date with my to-be wife costs me about 4 large: Dinner of course, but all the prep stuff. The new jacket with elbow patches, sweater, trousers, the new Alpine car stereo so she wouldn't see that big hole in the dashboard.
On a point-by-point, per date basis, cost analysis.......I'm just saying.....

But I digress....

"Lilly Von Schtoop"

"Pardon me?"

"Lilly Von Schtoop.... that's what I'll call you. Didn't you ever see Blazing Saddles?" I'm so tired......tired of playing the game....aint it a crying shame....I'm ....so....tired!

"No, I don't think so..."

"Well, she was this German lounge singer who...."

"So do you want a date?" she said, confused and losing her patience.

"Lilly, I am happily married.....and quite fond of my penis ...and I don't want to lose either."

'Shiiiiiiiit," and she turns and cat-walks away. It was amazing how quickly she went from trashy-sophisticate to ghetto. It took about a nano-second.

"Bye Lilly!"

She just flipped me off without turning around. Classy.

What ever happened to the art of conversation? I ask you?
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