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Old 08-05-2013, 10:16 AM   #226
docwyte
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subscribed. You're cracking me up with your flat lander high altitude ravings!

BTW, where the heck is your Red Sox hat?? You're telling me that with all that OCD you didn't pack it? You have to represent!
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Old 08-05-2013, 10:59 AM   #227
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Quote:
Originally Posted by docwyte View Post
subscribed. You're cracking me up with your flat lander high altitude ravings!

BTW, where the heck is your Red Sox hat?? You're telling me that with all that OCD you didn't pack it? You have to represent!
I'm not much of a team sports enthusiast; at least not as a spectator. I don't really enjoy watching someone else do things unless there's something to be learned from it. I'd way rather play a few innings of Wiffle Ball with the kids than watch a Red Sox game at Fenway. All of my hats are internal combustion themed.

As far as the flatlander high altitude ravings go, I do employ some amount of licentia poetica to distort some small details for the sake of your entertainment. If Ben Stein was telling this story, you would have tuned out by now. Bueller...Bueller...Bueller...
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Old 08-06-2013, 06:20 AM   #228
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In the proud tradition of Hope and Crosby road movies, we get back to the action...so to speak

Unpacked, cleaned up and ready for action, we hit the streets in search of high adventure in Estes Park. We're mostly just looking for something good to eat, a few beers, and some sort of non-motorcycle recreation for DAY 5. After 2000+ miles in 4 days, we're ready for a break from the bikes. I like Estes Park...it's like a mountain version of Lake George, New York. Sure, it's a total tourist trap with more ice cream stores and trading posts than anything else, but with a certain charm and a scenic backdrop. They've got a cool riverwalk thing going and plenty of places to park your butt and watch people; certainly plenty of people worth watching. The added bonus is the wild life. There are elk walking through the town like they own the place. We saw them walking through traffic, as casual as could be, and then setting up shop in the median...where they proceeded to hang out and eat the finely manicured grass for hours; posing for pictures and signing postcards.







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Old 08-06-2013, 07:49 AM   #229
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After gawking at the elk and taking way too many pictures like stereotypical tourists, we proceed to the aptly named Elkhorn Avenue. We wander in and out of stores specializing in t-shirts, high-end camping gear for white peoples' closets, souvenir belt buckles, Southwestern jewelry, native American art, and seas shells of all things.



What we're really looking for is a caricature artist. A week or two previous, back in the office with our "friends", amidst the daily barrage of jokes about Brokeback Mountain and Deliverance, we were entertained with crude artistic renditions of our upcoming travels. Our bald countenances superimposed on everything from Easy Rider to SNL's Ace and Gary to John and Ponch. What these guys lack in professionalism and respect for HR policies, they more than make up for in creativity. At some point, when we were still planning to ride to Key West, we agreed to have a caricature of us done and bring it back for amusement of the entire team. I was really hoping the artist might draw in some Lorenzo Lamas Renegade hair for me (I'd pay extra for that) or at least some Hawaiian shirts a la Boyd Coddington. Either way, as long as it was ridiculous.



So, as we cruise along the strip in search of our artist, some dinner, and cold beer, I spied something that stopped me in my tracks. I swore I heard a chorus of angels as the clouds parted and the soft afternoon sun shone down on the most glorious piece of mechanical goodness I had seen on this entire trip. 37" tires...headers peeking out from the wheel wells...custom cage...winch...lift...lockers...on-board air...long travel shocks...scars...dents...dings...all the indicators of a life of off-road fun and adventure.

At that very instant, I had myself a Phineas and Ferb moment...

"Mike, I know what we're going to do tomorrow."



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Old 08-06-2013, 09:10 AM   #230
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The picture in the office closes the deal!




Conversation between me and the nice lady behind the counter...

"Hi, we'd like to go on a Jeep...err...Toyota...tour"

"OK, we've got lots of different tours. We've got multiple tours going through Rocky Mountain National Park...some are 100% paved roads and some are more dirt roads. We have 1 hour, 2 hour, and 3 hour rides."

"No, I want that ride."; pointing to the picture above.

"Oh, you want to take a back country ride?"

"Yup, that's for us...just like the picture"

"Well, we have 1, 2, and 3 hour rides and then we have The Rockin' Roller Coaster ride where we take that Land Cruiser and treat it like we stole it while cranking your favorite rock music."

"Bingo! Sign us up! Rockin Roller Coaster is for us!"; I say, not even consulting Mike.

"OK, how about 1:00PM tomorrow?"

"Perfect! I'll bring the GoPro and the head strap."

Surely this will be an adventure...maybe we'll flip...or break an axle 50 miles from civilization...or get mauled by animals...or flip. I can't wait!
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Old 08-06-2013, 09:26 AM   #231
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We hit the street with a new sense of purpose and giddy anticipation of tomorrow's activities. I am a lifelong motorcycle fanatic, but second on my list of all time favorite motorized things, are off-road vehicles. Specifically the no roof/no doors/ heavily modified 4wd variety. I'd love to explore the local trails of this area in my own Jeep (sitting at home in my garage 2000 miles away), but a wild ride in this Land Cruiser will have to do. Besides, maybe we'll get lucky and the driver, long suffering for the effects from high altitude, will have no ability to detect danger and no sense of self preservation. That would be big fun!


With our afternoon planned and the sun sinking low, it was time to find a restaurant. I was starving.
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Old 08-06-2013, 09:47 AM   #232
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I've been coming out to Colorado for just over 20 years. I've missed a couple years due to circumstances beyond my control, but it's always in the back of my head...nagging at me to come back...promising new experiences and, dare I say it, adventure. On my first trip out in '91, I encountered something that I had never heard of before; a product so deeply embedded in the culture that it bore the name of these rugged peaks. I still remember the giant banner proclaiming their very existence and how puzzled I was by the paradox of the name. (Please keep in mind that there was no Google at this time) My curiosity piqued, I wouldn't know the origin of this distinctly Western item for quite some time. Once I found out more, I was shocked, but still a little curious. On every subsequent trip to Colorado, they have taunted me...like being on the outside of an inside joke...a painful reminder that "you aren't from around here". Concerned that this was merely a joke played on the tourists, I've never taken the challenge...though it looms there...larger than life on my personal Colorado horizon...questioning my manhood...my personal Everest. After a couple cold beers, however, I was ready to get this 20 year old monkey off my back. I was ready for adventure.

Besides, this would be a great opportunity to screw with M!ke...



Hondarider screwed with this post 08-06-2013 at 11:16 AM
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Old 08-06-2013, 11:28 AM   #233
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The waiter finally came to take our food orders. The outdoor patio at the restaurant was crowded and the sun was sinking low. We ordered a couple burgers and then, just as the waiter was about to make a break for the kitchen, I looked around, summoned all of the intestinal fortitude that I could muster, and proudly requested a plate of what I had always assumed was the punchline to a joke. I half expected the entire patio to break into laughter and Ashton Kutcher to come out from behind the 1 way glass...punking me for falling for it...but instead, nothing. The waiter wrote it down without so much as a snicker and went off to place our order. The rest of the patrons went about their meals. I immediately posted an update to FaceBook to let the folks at home know what we were up to. After a 20 year build up, I was looking for fanfare of some sort...some small measure of adventure.



The order arrived with fresh beers...

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Old 08-06-2013, 12:57 PM   #234
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We stared at the plate. They were much flatter than I expected. The waiter brought two little plates with the order so the inference was that M!ke and I would both be partaking. Unlike me, he hadn't had 20 years to work up to this moment. He was thrust into this Fear Factor situation with merely minutes of preparation. I suspect that in his wildest imagination, he never anticipated this particular culinary challenge when he signed on for the trip; but as previously demonstrated, that M!ke's no coward.

I threw down the gauntlet


And M!ke picked it up




Victory!!

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Old 08-06-2013, 06:25 PM   #235
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Enjoying the report...
now excuse me while I go barf
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Old 08-06-2013, 06:44 PM   #236
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[QUOTE=Hondarider;21971786]What you get instead is...




if that was Asia you could probably ride it! Reminds me of Colebatch's last couple of reports on that part of the world.
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Old 08-06-2013, 07:24 PM   #237
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Back in NE and you were very close (After you crossed the Platte River between Omaha & Lincoln) is South Bend. There is a restaurant called: Round The Bend. They have an event called the testicle festival. I think you can get a variety platter of oysters!

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Old 08-07-2013, 05:53 AM   #238
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[Quote Quick note about my awesome wife. She has this amusing notion that seems to be uncommon amongst the wives of my friends. She has this stranmge desire not to be the thing that stands between me and what I want to do in this life. As unlikely as it sounds, she is preoccupied with the idea that at some point in my life, I may look back and say "I really wanted to do _______, but my wife wouldn't let me go." She absolutely doesn't want to be the person that ever hindered my ability to live this life to the fullest measure possible. quote}


think your wife and mine are clones from some rarely used genes

great ride report - thanks for sharing
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Old 08-07-2013, 02:23 PM   #239
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The Rocky Mountain oysters are flatter and chewier than I expected...not plump and juicy as I had feared...the consistency was way better than the skewered cow brains I ate in Mexico. I wouldn't characterize them as delicious, but not terrible. It just goes to show that you could deep fry a turd and it would be delicious with Ranch dipping sauce. Lesson learned.

So...having conquered my fears and faced absurd adversity thanks to the magic of alcohol and peer pressure, we finished dinner and hit the streets in search of adventure...or more alcohol.

We needed that caricature artist more than ever now...to capture our triumphant moment for posterity...but there was none to be found. We were making our way to the next bar and lamenting our bad luck when we passed a curious store front...we paused...we looked inside...pretty-ish young girl working the counter...and more importantly, no witnesses. We looked at one another, shrugged in agreement, and went inside...laughing all the way.

I engaged the girl behind the counter...

"Hey, how's it going? Have you ever had 2 dudes come in here?"

"It doesn't happen often, but it does happen?"

"Two straight dudes?"

"Less often" she giggles

Surveying the room, the choices are limited.

"What would you do with a couple dudes?"

"Well, we have this option" she offers with a sly grin

"I don't think we're nearly drunk enough for that."

She proposes another option. We hesitate. This is getting a bit strange. I look around for potential witnesses. The coast is still clear. M!ke and I are communicating in shrugs and uncomfortable laughter at this point...not really wanting to put any of this into actual words. The girl is looking at us...we're looking around the room...the tension is palpable. There's going to be evidence of this...it could haunt us later...there will be laughter at our expense...there is no doubt.

I say
"OK...let's get to it before my buzz wears off!"

She says
"OK...empty your pockets and put your clothes in the basket. This will be easier if you're OK with me touching you."

"I am totally OK with that...I'm willing to pay extra for that"

Here we go!



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Old 08-07-2013, 04:06 PM   #240
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I immediately felt awkward and exposed...almost naked. I avoided eye contact with M!ke at all costs. The girl was quite good at what she did...even with two men to handle. She adroitly maneuvered back and forth between us...pulling random paraphernalia from boxes, shelves, and racks as she went...flashing a glimpse of a tattoo here and a piercing there. We were definitely going to get our money's worth tonight. It seems that role play wasn't out of the question and she was looking for a couple rough characters to get the job done. I hoped to impress her with my exceptionally large piece.

Suddenly, two couples wandered in off the street...no doubt curious about all the commotion. It felt like that scene in Seinfeld when Frank Costanza's wife walked in on him and Kramer as they were putting the finishing touches on the "man-sierre"...or was it the "bro"?

Anyhow, I shouted to the newcomers

"How about you folks go 2 doors down and have a couple beers? I promise it will make the whole thing a lot more fun when you do come back and it will give me and my boy here a chance to finish up with the young lady"

They laughed, gawked for a few monents, and apparently decided to take my advice. Thank God!

I was suddenly overcome with feelings of awkwardness in regard to the threesome arrangement...crap! I was losing my buzz. If I was going to perform tonight, we better make it quick before I'm no longer able to close the deal. I urged the other two to move things along...this was like M!ke and the rain mittens all over again! We got into position and gave her what she had been working towards the entire time. Then she wanted to try other positions. It was certainly a wild scene.

When it was over, my buzz was gone and I felt like I needed a cigarette. I collected up my clothes and made the walk of shame up to the front of the shop. The young lady went to the back room to regain her composure; I assume. We were going to have to tip big for this...she was good. Overcome by emotions I still don't fully understand, M!ke and I stood far apart and didn't speak. The young lady, looking slight disheveled and a bit worse for wear, emerged with a bill for services rendered. A bargain at $60 and we tipped her another $20 for her effort.

The folks at home weren't going to believe this...
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