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Old 11-27-2013, 04:14 PM   #301
ijg5
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got bike copy today, great read, congratulations, great read. now start posting more updates on this journey please
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Old 11-27-2013, 07:21 PM   #302
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Originally Posted by AntiHero View Post

Outside MotoCorsa, backpack leaned up against the bike, streetlights glowing in the cool mist I paused for a second. An absence caught my attention; a silence, a calm, a dissolution of tumult, chaos and stress. Observation and participation fused. Right there I stood in the center of a film-noire street scene at a juncture between the past and the moments of my life that had yet to occur, balancing on a fulcrum of time: movement would propel me into the future, thought into the past, so I paused to preserve the strange, zen-like lattice suspending me. It didn’t last long. Sensing my peace, the bony knuckles of fate tightened into a fist and clobbered me right in my gut.

And this, my dear friends, resulted in the feeling of inevitability I spoke of above. Steven Wright had once said, “If you ever reach total enlightenment while drinking beer, I bet it shoots out your nose.” Very close to the truth indeed. But instead of beer shooting out of my nose, a malted milksake mentos bomb was expanding in my guts at a rate that could surpass my ability to find a porcelain throne. I was dealing with an ungovernable force. And the only way to survive was to find an immobile object (preferably one that flushed with great force). I rushed to my bike, scanning the cityscape, eyes watering from strain and effort. I began to perceive objects in ways I’d never before seen, quite certain that the quote, “necessity is the mother of invention” was coined not for some noble cause. No, this particular proverb was coined by a man 20-30 minutes after consuming a half-pound of figs, a bran muffin and a Grande Espresso (who was probably riding a horse that simply would not stop trotting). And that’s the situation I found myself in, contemplating an ingenious solution to a difficult problem while, at the same time, trying to rush to a location that housed industrial-grade indoor plumbing. It’s probably quite fortunate a Volkswagen Bug with an open sunroof wasn’t parked nearby.

Now, most people head to a gas station or fast food restaurant when the agonizing, sizzling shits hits, but there are lots of reasons why frogging a log at Mickey D’s is a bad idea, most notably: you aren’t the only one who pops in to drop an ambulatory deuce in the fast food honeypot. Moreover, placing your gear on the floor of a public restroom that’s been greased by the oily, buttery residue of accumulated, evaporated urine is never a pleasant experience. There’s a reason why minimum wage gas station attendants and fast food workers don’t clean the bathrooms—they don’t want you in there, and they definitely don’t want you to come back. Car dealerships and hotels are far more suitable launch sites for supersonic shits. Though a hotel was only a slightly longer distance away from my location, I’d gone into full-blown emergency-mode, and made a ‘better sooner than later’ decision to make a deposit at Jack in the Box. Though probably a much cleaner bathroom was marginally farther (in this situation, every 20 seconds counted), my mind fixated on the nearest target. Riding up the block I quickly weighed the duration of time I’d lose if one of those scat-smudged-keys, attached to an insultingly sized piece of driftwood would be needed to grant my butt access to the men’s room. That thought was quickly followed by a premonition of thrusting a stall open (if it even had a door) only to have two naked, immobilized toilet-paper-less cardboard rolls shudder in embarrassment as wall-mounted porcelain gargoyles mocked my presence with mouths agape just before ridiculing my hasty exit with gargled laughs. Seconds ticking, I switched to plan B and headed to the hotel. As I rushed towards the entrance I saw an empty lobby. With no other customers to assist, I’d be confronted by the desk clerk with a hospitable, “Hello—checking in?” Moving forward I had no time to come up with a clever story. In an instant, phone went to ear, and out of my mouth came a, “hey dude, I’m here, what room are you in?” Her eyes followed my stroll through the lobby. I gave her a wink and a nod signalling all was well, located their 4 star bathroom and, other than the point-of-view photo below, will leave the rest of the evacuation details your imagination.

Disaster averted!
outrageous use of the English language.

Many more serious & eloquent notes in your ride report, but damn this was funny.

This must have put the editors of Bike over the edge!

If you ride east (not at this time of year) I can offer a one star experience of the rotten apple (friends in low places) just because.
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Old 11-30-2013, 02:11 PM   #303
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Thanks, guys. I posted up the article on the last page of the original R/R:
http://advrider.com/forums/showthrea...08437&page=132

Ride Report updates coming soon!
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Old 11-30-2013, 09:36 PM   #304
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Just read the article AH and loved it.
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Old 12-01-2013, 12:14 AM   #305
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Just read the article AH and loved it.
Thanks, bud! Glad you liked. I should probably write a bit about the process of writing an article for a magazine for anyone who might be curious, but I realize I've been distracted enough and the show must go on.



I don't recall what city in Oregon this was taken in, but everyone I ran into was incredibly curious about the bike, the trip, where I was going, where I'd come from. It wasn't a bad little town, yet more people were inquisitive and demonstrated a desire more than their own experiences than maybe any other town I've visited. Could have just been random, or could be that somehow the people of that town were simply more discontent than normal. It was a pleasant distraction.
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Old 12-01-2013, 12:21 AM   #306
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Sage and tan scrub replaced emerald and white capped mountains as I traveled from Nowhere, Oregon to Almost Somewhere, Idaho. The Panigale and I bellowed through lonely, isolated, colossal expanses of terrain on our way. Sinewy roads opened surreptitiously, twisting and turning, straightening out; rising, falling, then disappearing behind hunchbacked hills. There’s something about these desolate regions that generate a freedom impossible to experience encircled by people and buildings, barking dogs and belching busses. Tranquility aside, what I long for most after being sedentary for too long is the kind of awe places like this can overwhelm one with.











Unlike the kind of dumbfounded terror that makes us abandon attempts at control in the presence of an ungodly force (tidal wave, hurricane, stampede), or the jaw-dropping kind of awe felt in places (or in the presence of) unimaginable beauty, deserted sections of earth offer a peaceful, silent, inaudible sublimity, the kind of indestructible experience that lingers like a smoldering ember. Witnessing a hole tear in the planet or surviving a plane crash might reveal a greater sense of excitement or purpose, but the quiet moments of distractionless peace are more than hypnotic diversions. They initiate a process where the invisible connections between things begin to form. Flirtation with the unknown and immersion in empty, vast, vacant environments satisfies a strange hunger of my heart; it's a private and solitary submergence into mystery, a relief from the regularity of details, orderliness of fact and the irritation of reason.

AntiHero screwed with this post 12-02-2013 at 08:05 PM
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Old 12-01-2013, 12:22 AM   #307
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And yeah, they make jet fuel out here.
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Old 12-01-2013, 04:09 AM   #308
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They initiate a process where the invisible connections between things begin to form.
Yeah, and - for me, at least - the biggest connection I experience is that between me and the rest of the world around me. In the constant bombardment of city life, I tend to feel somewhat disconnected. In that calmness of space, I rediscover my connection to all things.

I've always felt that to be a very important aspect of a journey.
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Old 12-01-2013, 08:31 PM   #309
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I feel like I'd round up to 100 ft. of no smoking around a tanker that big!!! Just got caught up on the report after two slow nights at work, wishing the weather wasn't the standard Ohio-fare right now
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Old 12-02-2013, 09:40 AM   #310
JamesM
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Idaho?! -Please tell me you are headed to Glacier National Park.
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Old 12-02-2013, 10:23 AM   #311
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closed ?

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Idaho?! -Please tell me you are headed to Glacier National Park.
ummm .... would it not be closed for winter ? ... as in lots of SNOW ?

he's better off checking out Craters of the Moon ....
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Old 12-02-2013, 10:23 AM   #312
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WTF????

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Originally Posted by AntiHero View Post

So....does the Water taste like Jet Fuel, or does the Jet Fuel taste like water?
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Old 12-02-2013, 12:01 PM   #313
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At first I thought it must be water, too, but when I did some research, found that the US Dept. of Agriculture is experimenting with turning Juniper and Pinyon pines into jet fuel in a way to stop the invasive species migration in western US rangelands. In any case, I think I was as surprised to see the truck out there as the woman driving was to see me.
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Old 12-02-2013, 12:17 PM   #314
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As for where I end up next....one of you is right. :)

I simply never get tired of roads like this:


Stopped here to take a leak:


Looked like someone else stopped here, too, needing to take a different kind of leak (of the five-against-one variety).

Porno mag + piss in bottle and a shit bucket would seem to suggest a trucker. I kept my distance from this biohazard.

I think he's sleeping:
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Old 12-02-2013, 03:01 PM   #315
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Flirtation with the unknown, immersion in empty, vast, vacant environments satisfies a strange hunger of my heart, a private and solitary submergence into mystery, a relief from the regularity of details, orderliness of fact and the irritation of reason.
Right there with you. It's hard to put into words what I'm feeling when visiting places like the ones you so aptly describe. But at the end of the day, there's got to be something that makes me love the Southwestern US, or the European Alps, and it definitely has to do with the solitude, the disconnectedness from everyday life, the quietness, the beauty, the views, the experience!

Sometimes you just manage to express my thoughts much better than I ever could - in English, at least.
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